It always tickles me when celebs get into beef with one another. I always end up thinking to myself “You’re rich. Go sit your dumb asses down somewhere!” Today’s discount beef revolves around the Queen of Fake Hair and Titties Wendy Williams’ recently leaked bikini photos from a trip to Barbados. Everyone had something to say about the photos (none of it good), but you can always count on outspoken rapper, and ménage-a-trois aficionado, T.I. to always say the most.
Just when I thought that today’s “news” day was going to be drier than a cooch after seeing that shot of Joseph Fiennes as Michael Jackson, I came across some red alarm-worthy news about The Fat Jew (Google him, you dumb fuck) and Wendy Williams.
Expert-opinion-offerer Wendy Williams opened her show the other day with a full-on verbal exposé on Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian’s relationship as well as their impending
Who the hell is going to give the side-eyes to the younger ladies on The View now? Candace Cameron-Bure and Raven-Symoné need to be kept in check! One of the few EGOT possessors in existence, Whoopi Goldberg, went on The Wendy Williams Show and mentioned that she’s probably not returning to The View after the next season (via Vulture).
Let me take you on a trip. A trip back to a simpler time. It was 1987 and a young man had just started a new job at at Prince & Company, a department store. This young man was an artist and he assembled the perfect mannequin. Through the power of mysticism and love, that mannequin came to life and became his lover and muse. That mannequin was more human than anyone he’d ever met. Which is more than I can say for the topic of this post – possessed monster mannequin Wendy Williams.
Wendy recently went on Conan and he asked her about her parenting style. She says she’s a pretty chill mom and that her family is very open, especially when it comes to doors. She has a no closed doors policy in her lab, I mean house in which she lives with her human creators, I mean family, human family. Conan nearly punches her – in his eyes, it’s all in his eyes – when he hears that because 15-year-old boys, which Wendy has one of, need closed doors like plants need sunshine and water. She says they’re all “heavy walkers” and constantly clearing their throats so they can all hear when someone is approaching in the house.
But, this being Wendy, she has to overshare and give us the dry heaves. She tells a story about her son walking in on her giving her husband a blowjob. The incident took place two years ago when her son was 13 and she says it was some sort of learning experience for him and now he’ll always know to walk loud or clear his throat before every damn step he takes in that house.
“He wouldn’t kiss me! He wouldn’t kiss me, Conan!” wins my award for quote of the weekend. Why she would tell this story I have no idea. It’s mortifying and gross. Her son is definitely not going to be an easy teenager if she keeps this shit up. Either she’s pulling “cool mom” by not caring he walked in on them or she hasn’t had the program for embarrassment installed yet. Whatever the reason, it takes a certain kind of someone to go on national TV and silly tee-hee about their kid catching them giving head. And now that we know this story, they really should do some additional filming for the movie about her life.
In 2008, Wendy Williams’ autobiography Wendy’s Got the Heat was turned into a $3 million movie called Queen of Media and it starred Robin Givens in the title role. The movie never saw the light of a theater, a basic cable channel or even a discount bin at Best Buy. Wendy said a few years ago that the movie will never be released because the finished product wasn’t up to her standards. I’ve seen how Wendy dresses, so I know her standards aren’t that high! There has to be another reason for why she didn’t want the public to see this, because judging by the trailer alone, it is a magnificent work of HIGH ART!
The trailer was leaked onto YouTube in October, but it’s been making the rounds the past few days. The $3 million budget must have been spent on the shit everyone involved smoked while making it because it wasn’t spent on production values, wigs or a passable Diddy impersonator. This 3-minute-long trailer is pure perfection from Salt-N-Pepa’s cameo to “Wendy” doing Kristen Stewart’s one facial expression while wall sliding after getting high.
It’s a sad time in Hollywood when movies like The Martian get nominated for Best Picture while cinematic jewels like this are kept from the public!