Two of Donald Trump’s alleged side pieces, Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal, both said that he raw-dogged them. So I doubt that one layer of shock covered the face of anyone who read the rumor about how he’s got a secret love child out there. Shit, because Trump seems to be into busting raw orange nuts into his side tricks, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s got a whole secret love child army out there. And yes, that’s the face he makes when he busts a raw orange nut into his side tricks. I hope you weren’t in the middle of eating slightly curdled cream of pumpkin soup.
But the story isn’t that Trump maybe-boned a secret love child into one of his mistresses. It’s that The National Enquirer may have once again bought a story and killed it to protect him during the 2016 presidential election.
It’s been 10 years since Daddy Spears used his Velveeta grits-stirring wooden ladle to weave some magic around and save his double deep fried pork rind fritter from further sliding into a messy puddle of tragicness during her mental breakdown. Britney Spears’ dad Jamie Spears became the boss of her life in 2008 after she shaved her head, tried to murder a pap’s SUV with an umbrella and did a barefoot walking tour through all the gas stations in Los Angeles County. Yes, it’s been 10 years. We’re really going to need a “Where Are They Now?”, because I lay awake at night sometimes and think, “For where art thou, Assistant Carla?”
UsWeekly is hearing that Daddy Spears is looking into taking a sledgehammer to his 36-year-old daughter’s shackles and set her free.
THE QUEEN loves to guzzle down the sweet nectar, so I figured that she spent many a night bonding with her ginger grandson by doing shots of the good stuff in between crank calling Camilla and gently putting Prince Philip’s hand in warm water after he passes out on a pile of Corgis in the corner of the throne room. So I always figured that Prince Hot Ginge was the ginger apple of THE QUEEN’s eye, and it was 100% confirmed this morning when her official announcement of consent was released.
Quincy Jones Says He Dated Ivanka Trump 12 Years Ago, And Knows That Marlon Brando Boned Richard Pryor (UPDATE)
Okay, who’s going to make the, “Trump, smell your daughter on these fingers,” joke about that pic?
Horny ole’ bag of endless tea Quincy Jones already took us for a wild ride during his GQ interview when he bragged about having 22 girlfriends, said he watched the nutsack of Ray Charles get shot up with heroin, and claimed that Marilyn Monroe was interested in getting with him but he turned her down. (I know, everything that comes out of Quincy’s talk hole should be certified as a lie for telling that fairy tale about Marilyn Monroe.)
Quincy is back with another wild interview where he claims he dated Trump’s favorite child, alludes to knowing who REALLY killed JFK and provided me with some good vintage fap material by saying that a young Marlon Brando fucked Marvin Gaye and Richard Pryor. 2018 is bringing the surprises, because who knew that Quincy Jones of all people would turn out to be my favorite neighborhood gossip. Benita Butrell, who?
It’s Oscar tradition that the winner of the previous year’s Best Actor award present the Best Actress award (and the previous year’s Best Actress winner presents the Best Actor award). Because of that tradition, we got the beautiful moment where Brie Larson internally screamed “Go fuck yourself” while presenting Casey with the Best Actor award at last year’s Oscars. But sadly, we won’t get to see forever fuck-deficient Frances McDormand actually scream “Go fuck yourself” at Casey Affleck when he presents her with the Best Actress award (because she’s totally going to win). That’s not going to happen, because Casey isn’t going to the Oscars this year.
Marky Mark’s Contract Had To Do With Him Getting Paid $1.5 Million For “All The Money In The World” Reshoots
Marky Mark’s team hasn’t said anything about the story that he got $1.5 million while his co-star Michelle Williams got under $1,000 for reshoots on All The Money In The World. But why should Marky Mark’s team open their mouths to the media when “sources” are out there defending them. Sources are now saying don’t hate the player, hate the game. And yes, I brought out that saying in 2018. I am your cool auntie who loves that hip new rapper Lil’ Bow Wow and still considers her bedazzled Motorola Razr her prized possession. Boo ya!