Since The Mighty O has a legion of devoted followers and she has the power to bring down industries, she’s been asked about running for President of the United States and she’s always waved that thought away and said, “not in this lifetime.” But Oprah is now looking at the Oval Office like, “hmmm,” since the current POTUS has less government experience than a 4th grade student council secretary.
You know that H&R Block is sliding their business card under the door of the offices of the Academy today.
Warren Beatty read the card, Faye Dunaway read the card and saids the words on it, but PricewaterhouseCoopers, the accounting firm who tallies up all the Oscar votes, is taking the blame for the biggest awkward shit bomb to hit the Oscars stage since… well… since last year when Stacey Dash broke everyone’s eye rolling muscle.
As everyone knows, America’s Got Talent season 5 runner-up Jackie Evancho yodeled out the national anthem at Donald Trump’s inauguration last month. That move made many people yodel out a, “Why?????“, because Jackie’s older sister Juliet Evancho is transgender, and Vice-President Mike Pence hasn’t exactly blown an air kiss of support at the LGBTQ community. 16-year-old Jackie said at the time that she was doing it to unite the people, or whatever. But a month later, Jackie isn’t so united with Trump and is also yodeling out a, “Why?????“, over his decision to revoke a federal protection for trans students. Jackie, girl, I hope you cashed that inauguration performance check, because Trump’s team may cancel it now that you’ve shown insolence against our overlord!
Finally, a swimsuit issue cover we can all relate to! I mean, who of us hasn’t spent a vacation splashing around in the ocean in white bikini bottoms and Liberace’s motorcycle jacket?
Last week Page Six reported that Kate Upton might have screwed herself out of the cover of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition by demanding the cover, because she’s an actress now, which means she’s im-por-tant. It was rumored that there would be three covers, and that the other two were likely to go to Serena Williams and Christie Brinkley. Well, Sports Illustrated released this year’s Swimsuit Edition covers yesterday, and Kate got all three.
One of Donald Trump’s early Sunday morning rituals has been pounding his roasted baby carrot fingers on his phone as he rages against Alec Baldwin and his favorite show Saturday Night Live for making fun of him again. But strangely enough, Trump didn’t fart out a single tweet about Melissa McCarthy’s Emmy-Oscar-Nobel Peace Price-worthy take on Sean Spicer, which was very “Matt Foley on testosterone-laced meth” to me. Even Sean Spicer said words about it and told reporters that he thought Melissa’s drag king impersonation of him was “cute.” But a “top Trump donor” told Politico that Melissa’s Spicer act achieved the impossible: it shut Trump up.
Well what do you know. It turns out Madonna was actually snooping around Malawi for a new set of kids to bring into her life.
Reuters reports that this morning, Malawi’s high court approved Madonna’s request to adopt four-year-old twin girls, Esther and Stella Mwalea. A spokesperson for Malawi’s judiciary says that Madonna was in the courtroom Tuesday when the decision was made. Esther and Stella have reportedly been living together in a Malawi orphanage for two years. The Daily Mail seems to think Madonna and Esther and Stella will all leave for New York within the next 24 hours on a private jet.