At a One Direction show in San Diego, CA on July 9th, Harry Styles, who is a dolphin lover (not like that, I think), told his army of crazed fans to stay away from SeaWorld:
The moment he said that, the sea creatures at SeaWorld started packing up their shit, because they knew it was only a matter of time before they’d be set free. The next day, SeaWorld wrote an open letter to Harry Styles. They asked him to come visit so that he can see all the good they do for dolphins and whales. It didn’t work.
Market Watch reports that analysts at the investment banking firm Credit Suisse measured a gigantic spike in hate on the Internet against SeaWorld right after Harry Styles declared a boycott. Credit Suisse measured “the ratio of positive to negative commentary across the Web.” Analysts say that in July, 2.5 million comments were made about SeaWorld and that’s a 400% spike from June. There was a 13% increase in negative comments. They say that was the biggest amount of anti-SeaWorld hate since Blackfish aired. Harry Styles doesn’t really deserve all the credit. Reports of a SeaWorld employee going undercover at PETA also hurt their asses.
SeaWorld is supposed to do a big re-launch in November to try to save their brand, but experts believe they’ll probably speed up their plans. Experts also think that SeaWorld will survive Harry Styles’ words. Or will they? Never underestimate the power of a toddler who is hypnotized by Harry Styles’ wild mane.
First, that Liam Payne one made Burger King bring back chicken fries by tweeting about how much he loves chicken fries and now this. Here I was thinking that the raccoons are going to enslave us humans and become our new overlords, but I was wrong. These jeggings-wearing yodelers will soon become our new dictators. But are they the kind of dictators who take requests? Because I’ll totally show my allegiance to Dictator Styles by tattooing cracked out birds on my nalgas if he tells Kraft to bring back Jell-O and commands his army to stop Trump.
Of course I don’t mean “And Here They Come” like THAT. I doubt any of them came with Josh Duggar.
The line marked “Side Hos Of Josh Duggar” has formed and the first woman has come forward claiming that Josh Duggar broke one of the Ten Commandments on her vagine. Next up on TLC: 1 Side Piece and Counting.
If any of us wet humped on Josh Duggar, we’d probably ask a neurosurgeon to open up our skulls and scrub the filth from our brains with a Magic Eraser, but porn star and stripper Danica Dillon has admitted that she and the Quiverfull Porky Pig did a lot more than just side hug. Danice tells InTouch Weekly that she and Josh did sex together twice and she didn’t meet him on Ashley Madison or OkCupid. Josh was a fan of her porn work and this past March, he came up to her at the Gold Club in Philadelphia, where she was performing.
The Ashley Madison hack has already exposed Porky Pig’s child-touching cheating second cousin, an insane Christian vlogger, the executive director of the Louisiana GOP and the lead prosector in the Casey Anthony case. The hack also went from “shit got serious” to “shit got sad” when it was reported that two men in Toronto may have killed themselves because of it. Well, now the Ashley Madison hack is coming for reality tricks. Dean McDermott and Eddie Cibrian can both breathe out two giant sighs of relief, because their names haven’t come up (yet). But the names of Snooki’s husband and a husband on The Real Housewives of NYC did come up.
Yesterday, TMZ posted a grainy picture of Khloe Kartrashian looking like she’s making a phone call while her soon-to-be ex-husband Lamar Odom approaches her on the street at 6:45 in the morning. Witnesses told TMZ that Khloe was on her way to a class at SoulCycle when Lam Lam “ambushed” her on the street and screamed at her before grabbing her arm. A witness threatened to call the cops, which made Lamar blurt out, “You’re not going to call the cops on Lamar Odom.” Khloe asked him how he knew she was going to be there before getting into her car and driving away. That was TMZ’s version, but Lamar says it didn’t happen like that and he also shat on the House of Harvey Levin for being biased against black celebrities.
The New York Post somehow got a hold of a picture of Ben Affleck’s ex-nanny/maybe fuck piece Christine Ouzounian happily lounging on a private jet headed for Las Vegas. Her boss/maybe fuck piece Ben Affleck and Tom Brady were also on that jet. Most of us probably figure that Christine dropped that picture into the Post’s hands, because bitch isn’t fucking around and knows how to play the game. But maybe (Warning: Possible PLOT TWIST ahead) Ben Affleck gave that picture to the Post, because he’s trying to move the heat from his dick to Tom Brady’s dick.
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were papped going to the farmer’s market with their chirrun in Atlanta, GA over the weekend and it was the first time they were photographed together since their divorce went full Gone Girl 2.0 by rumors of his fling with the nanny popping up. The nanny is currently holed up in the Hotel Bel-Air on Ben’s dime (which is allegedly costing him $12,000), but she may break out and finally hit the ho stroll in a big way. The nanny may talk in a tell-all interview. In that picture above, Ben is either concentrating hard on slowly pushing out a stubborn fart or he’s about to caca his panties because he just found out that his alleged one-time piece may spill it to the media.
Because some of them have bills to pay, the Spice Girls are reportedly in talks to do another reunion tour next year. Posh Beckham has apparently dropped a dry queef on an offer to join the other Spice Girls on tour, because she is the Olsen twins of the group and is way too busy running her fashion empire to lip-synch and point for a quick check.
The Sun (via The Guardian) was the first to report that the Spice Girls are going to get together again to celebrate the 20th anniversary of “Wannabe” next year. They plan to travel the world and Posh may join them on a few dates. Baby Spice did an interview this morning on the Heart London radio show and she only said that nothing’s happening right now, but if anything solid comes together, she’ll let everyone know. But after that interview, Baby Spice stuck the tip into the b-holes of Spice Girls fans by re-tweeting a tweet from a Sun columnist who claims that an “official announcement” is coming later this year. Baby also had this moment with Sporty Spice:
Do I need to put my pigtails in?!?!? https://t.co/TfWZQL9ux2
— Emma Bunton (@EmmaBunton) August 7, 2015
I didn’t get to see the Spice Girls’ last reunion tour in 2008, because by the time I got around to looking for tickets, the only seats available were in the damn clouds and I didn’t want to spend my night guzzling down overpriced beer while looking at the screen and dodging planes flying by. I did that shit for free when the show ended up on YouTube later. But as for this tour, I don’t know. What are the Spice Girls without Posh standing there doing absolutely nothing while the rest of them jump around and shit? If they reunite and do go on tour, they should say that Posh is joining them. They should tie a little Gucci dress around a mic stand, throw a brown wig on top and call it Posh. Nobody would ever know the difference and their show would probably be the most riveting concert experience of my life!
And here’s Posh at LAX the other day wearing I don’t even know.
You can always count on Frances McDormand to show up in the background and make a face that fully expresses your thoughts.
It’s been a little over a year since Robin Thicke devoted an entire album to trying to get his then-wife Paula Patton back. The album flopped and Paula responded to his pathetic acts of begging by filing for divorce in October 2014. Robin and Paula’s divorce became official in March of this year. 38-year-old Robin started dating his new piece, 20-year-old model type April Love Geary, in October and it seems like he’s moved on, but I’m not sure I would call dating the Nick Jr. version of your ex-wife “moving on.” But whatever, Robin’s douche heart is supposedly wrapped all the way around April and he wants to make her his wife #2.
Life & Style claims that Robin proposed to April and she said yes, because DUH$$$. A source says that Robin knows they haven’t been together for that long, but he doesn’t want to lose her. They also have so much in common. Robin plagiarized Marvin Gaye and she plagiarized Paula Patton’s looks. The source said this:
“Robin’s moving really quick with the relationship. Both his parents have told him to take some time and not rush into marriage again so soon,” the source shares. But he’s not listening to those pleas. “They go almost everywhere together. He’s totally obsessed with her.”
Robin’s rep tells Billboard that it’s not true and he’s not engaged. But I don’t know, Robin seems like the type to have a premature mid-life crisis.
If this turns out to be true, then I hope April convinces Robin to marry without a prenup. Because think of all the torture she’ll have to go through while being married to Robin Thicke. Robin will probably call her Paula, make her wear outfits that Paula wore and tell her to give him a lap dance as Paula while he sings songs from his album Paula. Not to mention that April can’t even legally have a drink when Robin gets on her nerves out in public. The definition of “how dreadful.”
And here’s Robin and April in NYC last June.
Christine Ouzounian, the nanny who probably boned Ben Affleck even though he denies it, should set up a class for nannies who want to turn their full-time childcare job into a career in fame whoring, because bitch knows how to hustle and keep her name in the tabloids.
It’s only been a week since the story about Ben doing the nanny came out and Christine has already worked it in a ho stroll photo shoot and starred in a grainy bikini spread that was supposedly taken by a sneaky hotel guest with an iPhone. And now, Radar has posted paparazzi pictures of Christine and Ben that were taken at his rental house in L.A. on July 17th, 16 days after Jennifer Garner fired her. Entertainment Tonight says that these are the pictures that were taken after Christine tipped off the paparazzi. Ben reportedly dumped her ass shortly after.
I don’t know if that Pom is pissed at the paps for taking unflattering pictures or if that Pom knows that Gavin screwed the nanny and refuses to look at his cheating slut ass.
Screw the sheep. 2015 is really the year of the nanny cooch. First Ben Affleck gets accused of doing the nanny and now Gavin Rossdale. UsWeekly says that Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale’s marriage has been over for a long time. They’re doing their divorce Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert-style. They worked out the details of their divorce months ago, because they want the process to be quick and easy. A source says that Gwen and Gavin’s 13-year-marriage was lying in the gutter before she had their youngest child, 1-year-old Apollo, and they were hoping a new baby would fill the cracks in their marriage. That didn’t happen, obviously, so they decided to call it a day on their marriage.
TMZ’s source echoes UsWeekly’s story, but also claims that Gwen had the urge to bust a “smell yo dick” on Gavin, because she believed that his peen had made its way into side piece ass. Throughout the years, there’s been rumors and blind items about how Gavin screwed around on Gwen. Gwen apparently hated that Gavin spent a lot of time on the road with Bush and he felt that was hypocritical of her since she tours too. Radar has also jumped in and says that Gwen suspected that Gavin cheated on her and specifically, she believes that he boned the nanny, who is a woman.