I know I’ve typed this before, but the boiling pus pool that was Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s divorce fight is now over for good. I think. Probably not.
Amber Heard’s lawyer said a few days ago that her divorce settlement with Johnny still wasn’t 100% finalized, even though their asses worked out the details of it months ago. Amber announced back then that she was going to donate all $7 million of her divorce settlement to the ACLU and the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles. The hold up was reportedly that Johnny wanted to skip Amber’s bank accounts and pay her charities of choice directly. Amber wasn’t down with that and accused Johnny of shamelessly trying to get a tax write-off. They went back and forth and Johnny finally raised a white scarf and has agreed to pay Amber directly.
Prince Hot Ginge’s tour through the Caribbean continued over the weekend and he was visiting the island of St. Vincent when the world learned that the Grim Reaper collected Fidel Castro. Bad luck truly humped Prince Hot Ginge hard (yes, I’m jealous of bad luck), because several dignitaries of Saint Vincent and the Grenadines considered Castro a “good friend” of their country. PHG was at a reception in Kingstown on Saturday when the country’s Governor-General Sir Frederick Ballantyne asked everyone to bow their heads in a moment of silence for Castro. PHG was forced to stand there and throw the same side-eye you may have thrown when one of your relatives said, “May God bless this country and bless President Trump,” during your Thanksgiving dinner prayer.
During a football match on Sunday, chiseled bronzer stick Crispy Ronaldo, who plays for Real Madrid, got into a fight with Koke, who plays for Atlético Madrid, and the two ended up kissing foreheads. I’ve had dreams that started out just like that. But before we go any further, I just want to say that Koke’s real name is Jorge Resurrección Merodio. For why would you go by the name Koke when you can go by the name Resurrección? That’s almost as hot of a name as Concepción. I mean, Koke is how the Kardashians spell “coke.”
Here’s a video of the little fight and if you can’t scream, “TOUCH TONGUES!”, because you’re at work, don’t worry, I already did it for you.
Spanish radio station Cadena Cope (via The Daily Mail) claims that the fight didn’t end there. The fight made a sharp turn into GayPornVille when Crispy and Koke allegedly continued to rage on each other in the locker room after Crispy’s team won 3-0. Cadena Cope say they heard Koke and Crispy have this tiny battle of words:
Crispy: A faggot with a lot of money, you bastard!
Arcópoli, an LGBTQ rights group in Spain, wants the football league to investigate this mess.
Does that mean that Crispy came out? Probably not, but I do know that’s an A+ response. Although, it would’ve been an A+++ response if Crispy shot back with, “A faggot with a lot of money and eyebrows plucked for the gods, you bastard!”
Pics: YouTube, Wenn.com
Well, Morrissey’s head probably popped off of his neck after reading this news. I’m sure THE QUEEN has ordered her servants to search her land for his head so she can mount it over the fireplace in one of her drawing rooms after the renovation.
Last night, Jennifer Lopez decided that she wanted to feel the cold and chilling touch of Skeletor’s lips again and so they kissed onstage at the Latin Grammy Awards. And today we find out that Marc Anthony’s marriage to his third wife Shannon De Lima is sinking to the bottom of the moat around Castle Grayskull after only 2 years of being married. JLo’s chocha reportedly doesn’t have anything to do with this break-up, but if it did, homewreckers would proclaim her their new Jedi homewrecking master for fucking up the marriage that came before and after hers. That takes skill!
It only took her 4 decades, but Carrie Fisher confirmed what many of us figured a while ago: she and Harrison Ford regularly got their fuck on with each other while shooting the first Star Wars movie in London. Save your shocked look for when Chewbacca writes in his memoirs about how he was tag-teamed by Darth Vader, Biggs Darklighter and C-3PO.