After Ariana Grande became a single parent to Piggy Smalls Grande-Davidson by dumping Pete Davidson, he didn’t waste much time in rebounding (although is it considered rebounding when you were with your previous girlfriend for no longer than four seconds?) with Kate Beckinsale. This made another case for the government to declare Pete Davidson’s dick a weapon of mass destruction since it causes women to lose their minds and make the decision to date Pete Davidson. Kate was apparently not looking to get serious, but big dick has a way of changing a trick’s mind, because she was papped holding his hand and going to dinner with him and her mom. But after doing each other for about three months, they are letting their fuck parts cool down for a minute. That’s what People claims anyway.
Above is a pic from Easter service yesterday of Duchess Kate laughing at something that leaped out of Prince Hot Ginge’s mouth, and if you believe the reports, he’s saying to her, “Bitch, I see you got your nasty slut of a man covering his dick so it won’t wander into the pussy of one of your friends again!”, while she laughs like, “Bitch, shouldn’t you be at home helping your wife pack her ugly clothes since we’re about to banish both of your asses from OUR kingdom!”
There were reports that PHG and Prince William still hate each other, and didn’t speak at all during Easter service (Duchess Meghan wasn’t there since she’s due to birth out the royal ginger baby any day now). That may have been because Prince William and his minions are reportedly working on a plan to send PHG and Duchess Meghan far, far away because he’s jealous of their fame.
Dr. Dre Bragged About His Daughter Getting Into USC On Her Own (And I’m Sure His $70 Million Donation Didn’t Help At All)
As Felicity Huffman (reported net worth: $20 million), William H. Macy (reported net worth: $45 million), Aunt Becky, and Mossimo (reported combined net worth: $100 million) curse and spit at the universe for being poor and not rich enough to get their kids into college by buying an entire building, Dr. Dre, who is definitely rich enough to buy a university building and did, dropped a bitchy fart on them by announcing that his daughter got into USC all on her own and he didn’t have to pull ILLEGAL schemes.
But the thing is, when you throw hate at parents who bought their kids’ way into college and everyone remembers that you made a $70 million donation to the school that your daughter just so happened to get into, you’re going to get dragged. That’s exactly what happened to Dr. Dre. It’s a shame he’s not a real doctor, because he’s going need a prescription for topical antibiotics to treat those dragging bruises. Although, maybe USC threw in a medical degree with that $70 million donation.
That’s a low ass sum since the gold nut nuggets that Jeff Bezos’ jizzes out are worth twice as much as that.
We already know that Lauren Sanchez’s Trump-loving brother Michael Sanchez is probably the one who sold his sister’s cringeworthy sexts (although, aren’t all sexts cringeworthy?) with Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos to The National Enquirer. But now the Wall Street Journal says that Michael Sanchez did Lauren dirty (just call him Dirty Sanchez) for the price of $200,000. Sure, $200,000 is $200,000, but I’m wondering if Michael Sanchez ever strolled over to the billionaire turtle and said, “So, future-brother-in-law, the Enquirer offered me 200k for those pics of your dick, but my finger could find its way to the delete button if you just so happen to cough a diamond into my palm. I mean that literally, I just watched you cough diamonds into your cashmere handkerchief.”
I bet that Lori Loughlin wishes her daughters, Olivia Jade and Isabella Giannulli, were actual rowers, because she and her husband Mossimo are currently up shit creek without a paddle and their asses could use some help.
Because Aunt Becky and Mossimo were indicted on federal charges for allegedly using $500,000 of their money to scam their daughters’ way into USC, Hallmark has sent her the opposite of a greeting card (a pink slip) by dumping her and are reportedly finding ways to scrub her from their highest-rated show When Calls The Heart. On top of that, TMZ is hearing that Netflix will not bring Aunt Becky back for the fifth and final season of Fuller House. But while Aunty Becky is crying tears in whatever opulent mansion she’s currently living in over her reputation as America’s wholesome auntie getting tarnished by her alleged scheming antics, her daughter Olivia Jade might be doing cartwheels of joy on a beach in the Bahamas.
Because TMZ reports that Olivia and her sister Isabella aren’t going back to USC. YouTuber and “influencer” Olivia Jade loves attention, but she doesn’t want attention from students who will boo, hiss, and throw tomatoes at her over her parents buying her way into USC. Although, Olivia could turn tomatoes into tomatoe-ade by doing a YouTube makeup tutorial where she shows viewers how to use the tomatoes thrown by your h8rz to make the perfect lip gloss. Think about it, Olivia!
For the past twelve years, Madonna and her manager Guy Oseary have thrown an ULTRA EXCLUSIVO Oscars after-party at his mansion, and the guest list is supposedly tighter than her face and guests aren’t allowed to take pictures. Because you want to be able to snort a line off of your Oscar statue’s ass crack in peace without worrying about some trick taking a picture of it and tagging you on Instagram. Guests aren’t allowed to post pics from the party on their social media, but you better believe Madonna made sure that we all saw a pic of her arm around her one-time nemesis Lady Gaga, and no, she’s not choking that reductive bitch out. Not in the pic that was posted anyway.