Looks Like Meghan Markle’s Estranged Half-Brother Doesn’t Know Shit, Her Father Will Walk Her Down The Aisle
Either Meghan Markle’s estranged half-brother, Thomas Markle Jr., doesn’t know an ounce of shit, or Kensington Palace read his 100% truthful open letter to Prince Hot Ginge in InTouch and is doing some royal damage control! Definitely the second one.
Tom Jr. said in his handwritten open letter that Meghan Markle (seen above with her future granny-in-law before getting lap dances from Thunder From Down Under strippers at her hen party) is an ice-hearted demonic user who didn’t invite their dad to her wedding. But a shocking thing happened today. We learned that Tom Jr., who we all thought was the epitome of credibility, might not be that credible. Kensington Palace announced today that Meghan’s father Thomas Markle will be at her wedding and will walk her down the aisle.
Makeup artiste turned TV person Jeannie Mai, who is on The Real, announced last October that she and her husband Freddy Harteis, who hosts some hunting show on the Sportsman Channel, were done after 10 years of marriage. Jeannie said on her show that one of the big things that sent them to divorce lawyers was the fact that she has no interest in filling her womb up with a fetus and while they were dating, she made it crystal clear that raising human slobber machines is not a goal she has. Freddy married her anyway because he was in love, but later on in life, the baby-making jizz fish in his balls got cagey and he decided he really wants kids. So they ended it, and Jeannie said that she hopes he found happiness. Well, dude wasted no time in finding happiness and a lady to make a baby with. Because he’s going to be a dad.
When Miranda Lambert first started letting out orgasmic yodels as her cooze did the boot scootin’ boogie on Blake Shelton’s taken peen, he was still married to his first wife. They’ve both said in the past that despite him wearing a wedding ring, they couldn’t deny their tingles for each other. Blake and Miranda were together for almost 10 years before they split up in 2015, and some say both of their genitals wandered into the loins of another during their marriage. Blake quickly moved on to the most heave-inducing pairing since Jell-O and mayonnaise, and Miranda moved on to hospital name-sounding singer Anderson East.
Miranda and Anderson broke up earlier this year, and now InTouch and UsWeekly are saying that she’s hooked up with another country singer. This one’s named Evan Felker (yes, I almost typed Felcher, because that’s how my brain works) and he’s the lead singer of the band Turnpike Troubadours. Miranda and Evan getting together is making InTouch sing, “Laaaaaaaambert the shameless home wrecker,” because sources say he was still with his wife when they started doing it, and she was still with Anderson East.
I haven’t checked yet, but I’m assuming that right now, the Palestinians and Israelis are holding hands after declaring peace. Because they figured that if LeAnn Rimes and Brandi Glanville can call a truce for at least one second, so can they.
Mariah Carey Has Been Hit With Another Sexual Harassment Lawsuit Threat, And This One’s From Her Ex-Manager
Late last year, one Mariah Carey’s ex-bodyguards Michael Anello threatened to sue the unicorn one for almost $750,000 for not paying invoices and sexually harassing him by bouncing around him in see-through lingerie that exposed her Hello Titty nipples to him. That lawsuit hasn’t been filed yet, but Mimi’s lawyers got a new legal threat to deal with. Stella Bulochnikov used to be Mimi’s manager, and when she wasn’t allegedly causing everyone to hate her, she was orchestrating great career moves for Mimi, like that scripted turd of a reality show. Stella and Mimi broke up last year. At the time, the story went that Stella quit Mimi, because she couldn’t deal with Mimi acting an erratic mess (which was probably from her bipolar II disorder). But it turns out that Mimi quit Stella, and now Stella is threatening to sue for breach of contract and sexual harassment. Just like Michael Anello, Stella claims that the Elusive Chanteuse is elusive when it comes to covering up her parts around her employees.
Satan is probably not shivering his frozen ass cheeks off in Hell today. And Harvey Weinstein has not been seen flying over Arizona (no offense to actual pigs, they deserve better than that). So Karl Lagerfeld answered a question about #MeToo in exactly the way you’d expect Karl Lagerfeld to answer a question about #MeToo. Kunty Karl couldn’t hate the #MeToo movement more if it was a Pippa Middleton-faced fat Meryl Streep fan.