A couple of months ago, Page Six said that 53-year-old Brad Pitt and 35-year-old Sienna Miller were flirting with each other at a dinner after the premiere for The Lost City of Z. That made sense since it seems like Brad’s tip gets moist for famous boho hos and Sienna loves high drama. Sienna farted on that rumor by saying it was “predictable and silly.” But The Sun says that at Glastonbury over the weekend, Brad and Sienna had their hands all over each other backstage and couldn’t stop “stroking” one another. We all know what they mean by “stroking,” (or do we?) but let me just have the image of Brad Pitt and Sienna Miller stroking each other’s fuck parts in front of a crowd who wondered if they were on a serious kind of molly and hallucinating or if PiSi was on a serious kind of molly.
Making the rounds today is a story that makes it sound like Wonder Woman’s greatest foe, besides metal poisoning of the nipples from wearing that corset top, is the gender wage gap! Elle posted a story yesterday claiming that Gal Gadot got paid $300,000 for her first Wonder Woman movie while Henry Cavill got $14 million for his first Superman movie, Man of Steel. Gal wasn’t really known before getting Wonder Woman and the same goes for Henry and Superman, so that bit of information made people schedule a code 10 emergency appointment at Lens Crafters since they thought their eyes were fucked up. The gender wage gap is real, but it turns out that this story is not.
All week, the Beyhive has been on HIGH ALERT as they wait to hear the news that their King, Beyonce, has gifted the world with the real-life Gemini Twins. There’s been rumors that Beyonce was getting ready to give birth, was in the middle of giving birth and has already given birth. I’m not sure if I believe the rumors that Beyonce and Jay Z’s twins are already here, because I don’t remember seeing Jesus float down from heaven while holding two diaper bouquets to give to his twin successors.
Last month, every greeting card store in the world gathered up their supply of cards about love and began shredding them all. Because after hearing that the true love union between 19-year-old Bella Thorne and 34-year-old Scott Disick didn’t last, they couldn’t continue to push something that doesn’t exist. A quick second after Bella and Scott began bumping genitals, they went off to Cannes together. But HorSick was over as quick as they began and Bella ditched Scott in Cannes and flew back home. Sources (read: my imagination) tell me that when Bella tried to get back into the States, customs officials immediately shuffled her off to a CDC quarantine tent where she spent several days soaking in a hot ammonia and antibiotics bath. Once she was given the clear, Bella talked to Complex about the love of our time that never was.
One-time Fox News sweetheart Megyn Kelly made her debut on NBC News a little over a week ago with a Vladimir Putin interview, and it was supposed to be a real fucking get, or something, but it left some people screaming at her to take a long course at Howard Stern’s Night School Of How To Really Interview A Bitch, because she didn’t get anything out of him. Megyn is getting shit again and this time it’s for an interview that hasn’t even aired yet. On Sunday night, NBC will barf up an interview that Megyn did with conspiracy theorist and “performance artist” Alex Jones, who thinks the Sandy Hook Elementary massacre was a staged government hoax involving actors. Because Megyn gave a platform to a tinfoil hat-wearing ass nugget, she’s been dropped as host of a Sandy Hook benefit and her Sunday night show has lost a sponsor.
Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers hasn’t talked to his family in a while and they said it’s because he’s gone Hollywood. They also didn’t like his then-piece Olivia Munn. So when Aaron and Olivia
didn’t renew their contract broke up, I figured that a scene like the end of Beauty and the Beast would play out. You know, the dark skies would clear up, Aaron would magically appear in a chair at his family’s dinner table and “We Are A Family” would start blaring. UsWeekly says that hasn’t happened.