As everyone and their Thetans know, Anti-Scientology Warrior Queen Leah Remini has made a second career out of calling out the head bitches of the Cult of L. Ron Hubbard for the way Scientologists have been treated while in the group of L. Ro worshipers and after leaving it. Leah has really gone in on the Jesus of Scientology, Tom Cruise, and called him “diabolical,” said he’s untouchable in Scientology, and that he could easily bring down the Crazy Kingdom of E-Meters if he wanted to (which I’m sure he doesn’t since he’s probably addicted to the feeling of a thousand tongues up his Scientolohole). And now Leah’s saying that he could also rip Suri Cruise out of Katie Holmes‘ arms for talking to her.
I’m sure that as soon as Duchess Meghan and Prince Hot Ginge officially became heir-producing machines by getting married, THE QUEEN would greet Meghan by sniffing her crotch for possible period blood fumes, and would regularly pop up at the foot of their bed with a bottle of Spanish Fly, a bluetooth speaker blasting some Barry White, and a sparkle in her eye that says, “Time to make the squishy squishy and give the monarch another royal.” Because Meghan’s job, besides brushing her hair 500 times until it’s princess perfect shiny and selling out clothes, is to pussy pop out another royal. Well, some think that Meghan may be close to fulfilling that job requirement just a few months after getting married.
It’s been a little over a month since Roseanne Barr’s Ambien-powered tweetin’ fingers fucked with an easy check when her show Roseanne got canceled because she just couldn’t help herself and shat up a racist tweet about Valerie Jarrett. Since then, ABC has ordered a Roseanne-less spin-off of Roseanne called The Conners. And surprisingly, Roseanne hasn’t tried to prove that she’s not a racist by going away for a few weeks before hitting the pap stroll hand-in-hand with Al Sharpton while holding a certificate that shows she graduated with honors from Starbucks diversity training program. Instead of doing that, Roseanne bought a jumbo-sized bottle of glycerin tears at Costco and she’s been crying in interviews including one where she said that she’s been offered tons of deals to make her triumphant return to television and she’s very close to taking one. To quote my sister when I told her I couldn’t go to the movies with her because I had an actual date with an actual human man, “Sure, girl.”
A Judge Dared To Tell St. Angie Jolie That She’ll Lose Primary Custody Of Kids If She Doesn’t Let Them See Brad Pitt
St. Angie Jolie and Brad Pitt’s divorce battle royale has lasted longer than By The Sea (which was only 2 hours and 12 minutes, but felt like a 20-year coma which you pray you stay in so you don’t have to wake up to their overacting), and one of the major things they’re fighting over is the custody arrangement of their child army. Apparently, Angie has been “err” about sharing custody with the child army because she doesn’t trust Brad to not bust out another drunk dad meltdown. Recently, there was a rumor that Angie was pissed that she couldn’t move her kids to London where she’s filming Maleficent 2 because Brad didn’t want to leave Los Angeles. UsWeekly says that a new temporary custody agreement has been reached, and what the judge in the case said to Angie may cause horns to sprout out of her head before she wreaks havoc on the American judicial system. The judge spit at her for keeping the kids from their father, and threatened to rip primary physical custody out of her claws if she doesn’t play nice. As one of my favorite philosophers of 2010 said: Oh here go hell come!
Roseanne Barr should get on EdibleArrangements.com to send Samantha Bee a thank you arrangement for temporarily taking the heat off of her and giving her conservative followers a reason to RAGE at the left. To me, calling a black woman an “ape” and spitting the cunt word at a woman are far from being the same thing. But after Samantha Bee called Ivanka Trump a “feckless cunt” on her TBS show last night, some are comparing the two. Many conservatives, like conservative turned semi-liberal-for-pay Megyn Kelly, are disgusted with Samantha Bee, and the White House is calling for TBS to dump her ass. If having a filthy can’t-get-clean-mouth and using the cunt word gets you fired, then myself and over half of Dlisted’s commenters would all be seeing each other next Tuesday… at the back of the unemployment line.
Looks Like Meghan Markle’s Estranged Half-Brother Doesn’t Know Shit, Her Father Will Walk Her Down The Aisle
Either Meghan Markle’s estranged half-brother, Thomas Markle Jr., doesn’t know an ounce of shit, or Kensington Palace read his 100% truthful open letter to Prince Hot Ginge in InTouch and is doing some royal damage control! Definitely the second one.
Tom Jr. said in his handwritten open letter that Meghan Markle (seen above with her future granny-in-law before getting lap dances from Thunder From Down Under strippers at her hen party) is an ice-hearted demonic user who didn’t invite their dad to her wedding. But a shocking thing happened today. We learned that Tom Jr., who we all thought was the epitome of credibility, might not be that credible. Kensington Palace announced today that Meghan’s father Thomas Markle will be at her wedding and will walk her down the aisle.