Today must be Random Hollywood Feud Day.
For a few years now, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard have been pushing the hard sell on just how open they can be about each other and their relationship. No matter how gross or personal, nothing is off-limits. They overshare about everything from the story about his surprise vasectomy to the story about her jar-peeing. There are some people who may be into Kristen and Dax’s oversharing, but according to Page Six, Hollywood isn’t one of them. Hollywood allegedly hates them and thinks they’re overexposed. Anyone who hates their corny-ass Samsung commercials is probably with Hollywood.
Iggy Azalea’s wedding plans may end up in the shredder, because her relationship with fiancé Nick “Swaggy P” Young is barely hanging on after a video of him admitting to cheating on her ended up on the Internet.
Last week, a video popped up of 30-year-old Swaggy P, who plays for the Los Angeles Lakers, hanging out in his hotel room with his teammate D’Angelo Russell. Swaggy didn’t know that D’Angelo was recording him when he talked about the time he passed his peen to a 19-year-old girl he met at a club last summer. Swaggy was very much with Iggy back then and was already engaged to her ass. D’Angelo also asked Swaggy if he’s ever gotten with Amber Rose and he just says, “No, she’s my girl.”
Swaggy P’s dumbass learned an important lesson: If you’re going to tell your friend about your cheating ways, make sure you do it while you’re both naked in the bathroom and the shower is on. Or make sure you do it while that clip of Iggy free styling is playing, because if your shady friend is recording you and the video ends up on the Internet, no one will watch it. They’ll click off as soon as they hear Iggy freestyling.
Last week, we all said, “Damn, FX’s marketing department doesn’t fuck around,” when the LAPD announced that they were doing tests on a rusty knife that was allegedly found buried on O.J. Simpson’s old property in Brentwood. The story went that a construction worker found it years ago and brought it to an off-duty traffic cop who was working private security on a film set across the street. The off-duty cop, who is now retired, claims he called it into the LAPD, but a supervisor blew it off. The off-duty cop held onto it for years and when he recently told a friend in the LAPD’s Robbery and Homicide Division about it, the friend’s supervisors made him hand that shit over. The knife is reportedly covered in rust. When The Juice found out about it, he apparently said, “If the knife is rusted, I can’t be busted.” Get it? The asshole was right.
I really, really hope that Grace Jones’ “Reading These Hos Tour” never ever ends, because her beautiful words wrapped in pure bitchiness never fail to take me up, up and away and when I read her interviews I know how Jesus’ apostles felt when he spoke to them. In her memoirs, I Will Never Write My Memoirs, Grace Jones lines up many pop trick of today and slaps them down for copying her. While promoting her memoirs, Grace also slapped down Kanye West for jacking ideas from her and said that he’ll get a face full of her if they ever cross paths. Well, now it’s Lady CaCa’s turn to feel the wrath of Grace again.
Oliver Hudson (aka the hot douche from Nashville) celebrated Father’s Day last week by Instagramming an old childhood picture of himself, his sister Kate Hudson and their bio dad Bill Hudson along with the heart-warming caption: “Happy abandonment day… @katehudson.” Oliver continued to caca all over the man whose jizz made him by wishing his stepfather Kurt Russell a happy Father’s Day. Kate also wished Kurt a happy Daddy’s Day on Instagram. Well, Bill Hudson blew a warm “fuck you” right back at them. If you’ve got a dysfunctional family (and who doesn’t?), this wreck may make you feel a tiny bit better.
While looking for pictures to go with this story about Bobby Flay’s roaming ginger dick, I pulled up this picture just as I bit into a buttered English Muffin. My dog is now enjoying a half-eaten buttered English Muffin, because I long my appetite while picturing Paula Deen’s nooks and crannies fill with freshly churned pussy butter as she got an eyeful of Bobby’s pasty goods.
If there ever was a #getmoneybitch (copyright: the most influential philosopher of our time Khia) tournament of champions, Stephanie March would definitely be in the finals, because she’s been pulling out all the stops in her fight to get more alimony cash out of Bobby Flay. She’s brought their old racehorse into the fight and claimed that he’d be nothing without her palate. InTouch Weekly (via The Daily Mail) says that Stephanie is now bringing the adventures of Bobby Flay’s freckled salchicha into it.