It feels like some summers are lousy with famous people weddings. So many that I’m sure People magazine has to set up a makeshift Thunderdome filled with publicists to see which celebrity couple gets each week’s “INSIDE OUR WEDDING ALBUM!” cover. This year wasn’t one of those years. There was these two, and this glamorous pugstravaganza, and that’s about it. Well, now I can add one more to the Post-It note-sized list of celebrity summer weddings.
Gwen Stefani and her rebound boyfriend Blake Shelton have been together since October of last year and since then, they’ve really worked a truly next-level “LOOK AT US!” love game in all sorts of ways. I hope the health plan at NBC includes a generous massage coverage; I’m sure all the high-fives The Voice’s PR department have given each other over the past ten months have really taken a toll on their hand muscles. Blake and Gwen have covered pretty much every base there is on the baseball diamond of attention-loving celebrity relationships. The only thing left really is for the two of them to get married and according to TMZ, it’s going to happen.
It’s time to toss a giant handful of penis-shaped confetti and pop that bottle of celebratory lube you were saving, because the day Ciara’s very patient pussy has been waiting for has finally arrived! Less than four months after they got engaged by the light of a professional photographer’s camera kit, E! News has confirmed that Ciara and Russell Wilson got married this afternoon at a fancy-ass castle in Cheshire, England. This is Ciara’s first marriage and Russell Wilson’s second.
It looks like we’re going to have to update the definition of the phrase “Excuse my beauty” twice today. Once for the pup on the left giving us demure cross-legged bashful arm candy, and once for the gorgeous BBP (big beautiful pooch) shamelessly showing off her pug goodies on the right.
This weekend, Clint Eastwood’s second ex-wife Dina Eastwood married the guy she left her rich pepaw husband for. And as you can see, it was an incredibly elegant affair. People says Dina and her new husband Scott Fisher got married in Santa Barbara, which I’m positive is where 98% of famous people get married. Instead of having human bridesmaids who might try to steal yo man or upstage your ass, Dina put two of her pugs, Morgy and Chica, in some very exquisite doggy gowns and let them lead her down the aisle. Morgy was actually the Maid of Honor.
One quick peek at Dina’s Instagram will tell you that she’s majorly into her pugs, so it’s not exactly a surprise that she would make them a part of her wedding. Sadly, Morgy and Chica broke Bridesmaid Rule #1 by totally upstaging the bride. Especially Chica (the chunkier one with her tongue and business hanging out). Chica is really giving Gary Fisher a run for his money in the scene-stealing dog department. Like, how are you supposed to compete for attention around a dog like Chica? You can’t. But I don’t think Chica does it on purpose; when you’re a perfect 10, it’s hard not to get noticed.
That picture above is perfect for many reasons. But I really love it because Morgy and Chica’s faces totally look like a version of the comedy/tragedy masks that represent the two main emotions of being at a wedding reception. Morgy (tragedy) is all “Ugh, where’s the bar“, and Chica (comedy) is all “LOL I FOUND IT!!”
Yesterday, Dakota Meyer, the father of Bristol Palin’s five month old daughter Sailor and the guy she dumped five seconds before they were supposed to get married the first time, posted the picture above on his Facebook page. Of course, it didn’t take long for people to notice that Alaska’s abstinence princess was wearing a fancy diamond ring on that finger and start to wonder if they were back together again. It looks like people can stop wondering, because Entertainment Tonight can confirm that they’re more than back together: they’re married.
25-year-old Bristol and 27-year-old Dakota spilled the beans to ET earlier today that they were currently on their honeymoon, which would explain the palm trees. They didn’t say anything about the wedding, like if the bride wore a stunning floor-length camo-print “thong dress“ or if her mother provided the music at the reception. But they did provide this statement:
“Life is full of ups and downs but in the end, you’ll end up where you’re supposed to be. We are so happy to share with loved ones the wonderful news that we got married! Hard work and God’s grace are the foundation of our new life together, and with the love and support of our family we know we can get through anything.”
“Get through anything”? That’s nice, but honestly, what’s left? They’ve already dealt with secret wives, surprise pregnancies, paternity drama, birth certificate drama, and custody fights. The only way I could see their relationship getting any more soap opera-y would be if Bristol were to discover that Dakota is actually just three stray dogs in a trench coat like in that Doritos commercial. I mean, it’s not that insane: crazier things have happened to the Palin family (see: Sarah Palin being chosen as a Vice Presidential nominee). If I were Bristol, I’d be checking Dakota for a tail.
The romance of our time has finally been made official! I know all of you, like me, have been waiting for this moment for what feels like a lifetime. The celebrated star of Over Her Dead Body, Eva Longoria, has married the president of Televisa, Jose “Pepe” Antonio Baston. How it isn’t a national holiday, I’m not really sure, Eva is a national treasure. Sorry. I meant she’s like the National Treasure movies – pops up once every couple of years, is cheesy as all hell, but is nonetheless enjoyable.
Eva and Pepe have been together for close to three years and in December he proposed. She threw up a totally not staged, totally spur of the moment, totally spontaneous photo of her and him kissing on her Instagram back then. People is reporting that the two of them finally stopped living in sin and made it official down in Mexico. Despite this being her third marriage, the bride wore white. Her dress was designed by her good friend, Victoria “Posh” Beckham, who, obviously, showed up with David Beckham.
“I’ve been waiting for a day like this my whole life,” is what Eva said to Hola! USA but I’m confused because this is the third day like this she’s had. Is there some kind of 50 First Dates thing going on with her mind? When she dumps a piece does she forget the whole time they spent together? I’m worried. Something is going on here… Anyway, not my problem! Guests included Ricky Martin, Melanie Griffith and Mario Lopez. But the real icing on the cake is that Eva’s Desperate Housewives co-star Vanessa Williams made a surprise appearance when she came out to sing her song “Save the Best for Last“. I’m going to assume that’s Vanessa’s sly way of saying “hopefully, third time’s a fucking charm” to Eva.