Category: Weddings

Margot Robbie Confirms What Everyone Knew

December 20, 2016 / Posted by:

Yesterday, nerds released a tsunami of tears while learning that Harley Quinn may have gotten secret-married over the weekend. Margot Robbie didn’t announce it herself, because it was a secret. But several Australian publications reported that she got married to her boyfriend of three years, Tom Ackerley, somewhere in Australia.

Margot finally commented on that marriage rumor, although she didn’t use words. Margot posted a picture of that kind of ring on that finger on Instagram last night without a caption. But she really didn’t need to include a caption of what had happened. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then the picture is basically saying, “Yes I got married.

I’m a little confused though. Where’s the rest of that ring? Margot is a famous and rich person, which means that diamond should be at least 6 pounds bigger and 9.8 karats gaudier. Doesn’t she realize she’s legally required as a famous person to have a rock the size of a baby gerbil on her hand?

I 100% doubt that picture was taken at the wedding, but if it was and Margot got married in an off-white Hanes Beefy-T, she’s my new hero.

Pic: Instagram

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You Only Have 5 Months To Buy Pippa Middleton A Toaster For Her Wedding

December 16, 2016 / Posted by:

I’m suggesting a toaster, since she clearly doesn’t need another crystal paperweight. She’s already got one on her left hand.

Pippa Middleton, the non-hydrogenated spread to Kate Middleton’s butter, has finally set a date for her wedding to rich banker James Matthews. We can all let out that breath we’ve been holding in for the past five months.

Hello! says that Pippa and James are getting married on May 20, 2017 at St. Marks Church in Englefield. The reception will be held at Pippa’s parents’ house in Bucklebury. I’m sort of from the country, so when I hear that a wedding reception is back at the house of the bride’s parents, I picture a cooler full of canned wine and three-to-five buckets of KFC on fold-out tables that were bought from Walmart (and returned the next day). Pippa’s parents house is called Bucklebury Manor, so it’s not going to be that kind of reception.

Prince Harry is supposedly invited. As for which other members of the Royal family will be there. Prince George is rumored to be a pageboy, which sounds like the fancy British version of a ring bearer, while Princess Charlotte will be a flower girl. No word on if Pippa will return the favor and make Duchess Kate her maid of honor. Hello! is saying that James’ best man will be his brother, Made in Chelsea’s Spencer Matthews. Okay, I take back what I said about it being that kind of wedding. There’s no way a wedding that includes Prince Harry, Spencer Matthews, and Kate and Pippa’s jealous-of-the-attention brother James Middleton won’t turn that reception into the sort of thing that ends up with the dance floor being hosed down and disinfected at the end of the night.

Pic: Splash

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Corey Feldman Married His Canadian Angel

November 23, 2016 / Posted by:

coreyfeldmanwedding

Last night, sometimes-actor/singer Corey Feldman made good on his previous threat to marry his 27-year-old girlfriend and band-mateCourtney Anne. Courtney is Canadian and Corey believes that in Trump’s America, his now-wife would stand to be deported. But instead of running to the courthouse, they hauled ass to Las Vegas for a quickie Vegas wedding with a dress, vows, vegan wedding cake, and an ice luge (I assume).

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Dianna Agron Is Now Married To One Of Mumford’s Sons

October 17, 2016 / Posted by:

UsWeekly says that Dianna Agron, aka Quinn Fabray on Glee, got married to the banjo player from Mumford & Sons and rumored one-time Katy Perry hook-up Winston Marshall. This would be the second time a member of Mumford & Sons got married to a blonde actress. My thoughts are with the Mumford son who breaks tradition and marries a brunette yoga instructor.

30-year-old Dianna and 27-year-old Winston have been together since July 2015 and her rep confirms that they got married on October 15th in Morocco. Morrocco seems like an odd choice for a Mumford wedding. I’m pretty sure a Mumford & Sons wedding isn’t legal unless it takes place in an old dilapidated barn under a canopy of Edison light bulbs as the bride walks down the aisle in a yellowed lace dress holding a bouquet of wildflowers.

There aren’t a whole lot of pictures of Dianna and Winston’s wedding, but a few have popped up on the internet.

That picture on the upper right is what Dianna and Winston looked like when they got married. I don’t know who the guy on the left is, but the three of them look like VIP guests attending Morocco’s version of the Hunger Games.

There’s no word on who was at the wedding, like if any of the Glee kids went. But I think we’d know if either Lea Michele or Naya Rivera were there. I already checked, and I haven’t seen any stories about the wedding guests running out of the reception after Lea and Naya grabbed a couple mics and tried to out-sing each other during the first dance.

Pic: Splash

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Shia LaBeouf And Mia Goth Got Married By Elvis In Las Vegas And It Was Livestreamed On TMZ

October 10, 2016 / Posted by:

Las Vegas has long been known as the HIGH ART capital of the world, so it’s not a surprise that Summer’s Eve’s favorite artist Shia LaBeouf (sorry, James Franco) would choose it as the place to perform his latest art piece that I’d like to call “This Is Not Going To End Well.” Shia and his on-and-off-again brow-less piece Mia Goth got married by an Elvis impersonator in a ceremony that was livestreamed on TMZ. If Pimp Mama Kris had a heart, it would break by the heavy weight of betrayal from Harvey Levin letting someone other than a Kartrashian be the first fame whore to get married live on TMZ.

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