Tamara Tattles said the other day that Kenya Moore of The Real HouseMesses of Atlanta got married in St. Lucia over the weekend to a mystery dude. TT also posted pictures on her site from Kenya’s wedding and the groom looks like a real-life human being who actually exists and not only in her imagination. And no, it doesn’t look like the man in the picture is holding an iPad so that Kenya can marry her real groom, Apollo Nida, via Skype from his prison cell.
Another famous brunette got married over the long weekend, and much like Miranda Kerr’s wedding, this one also involves a dude who knows a lot about technology and watching people through iPhone cameras and…uh…I’m sorry, I’ve never seen Mr. Robot and I don’t use Snapchat.
After what felt like years and years of hearing about this wedding, Pippa Middleton, better known as the owner of the ass that stole her sister’s royal wedding and Kunty Karl’s favorite beauty, finally got married to that billionaire financier dude James Matthews at St Mark’s Church in Englefield, Berkshire today. Now bring on the grainy cell phone pictures of a drunken and topless Prince Hot Ginge and Pippa’s reality douche bro-in-law Spencer Matthews fist bumping on the dance floor at the reception.
On Saturday, Samira Wiley (aka Poussey from Orange Is The New Black) got married to her fiancée of five months, OITNB writer Lauren Morelli. All the details of their wedding are from Martha Stewart Weddings. Samira and Lauren got married in Palm Springs, CA, the ceremony was officiated by Samira’s parents, and they walked up the aisle to Montell Jordan’s This Is How We Do It.
This is 29-year-old Samira’s first marriage and 34/35-year-old Lauren’s second. Lauren was married to a man when she started writing for OITNB. Writing about Piper and Alex’s relationship made Lauren realize she was a lesbian, and that’s when she quit her husband after two years and got with Samira.
Martha Stewart Weddings also released a picture of their wedding day. They look like the cover of a romance novel called Don’t Let Your Uncle Sit On The Furniture, We Don’t Want Stains.
Major congrats are in order for @OITNB's @whododatlikedat + @lomorelli! 😍 We're sharing the first exclusive pic from their stunning Palm Springs wedding – and how amazing do these two look in custom @csiriano?! Check out our Stories to get all the wedding details! #marthaweddings 📷: @josevilla | 📋: @bethhelmstetter
Martha Stewart Weddings says that Samira and Lauren’s wedding was inspired by their love of Funfetti cake. But what Martha Stewart Weddings fails to mention is if they had a Funfetti wedding cake. Palm Springs is hot, and anyone who has ever gone to a summertime birthday party knows that Funfetti frosting doesn’t do heat. Thankfully they were covered in the event that the heat turned their dessert table into a melted pile of unicorn discharge. MSW says that Samira and Lauren walked into their reception to Justin Bieber’s Baby. Good thinking, girls. Your guests can’t be grossed out if they’re too busy trying to get that annoying song out of their heads.
Amanda Seyfried is going to give birth to another human soon, so I guess she and her man, Thomas Sadoski, figured that they should get the whole “married” thing out of the way before they’re up to their eyeballs in newborn slobber, baby diarrhea, nanny applications and pulled-out hair from listening to those selfish balls of neediness whine over stupid shit like being hungry. Thomas, who is also an actor, was on The Late Late Show last night to promote something I’m too lazy to Google and he declared that he is now Mr. Karen from Mean Girls.
Just when I was beginning to think that we needed some actual happy news around these dreary parts, RuPaul came through and caused cannons to burp out loads of confetti by announcing that he’s married now!