Miley Cyrus had three people in her life who were celebrating birthdays over this past week. Her little sister Noah Cyrus turned 18 on the 8th, and both her fiancé Liam Hemsworth and friend Wayne Coyne celebrated their birthdays on the 13th. Miley decided to save her stoner brain the trouble of remembering all those dates by rolling all three into one giant birthday party on Saturday.
No, she didn’t sing a duet with her daddy. I went ahead and pixelated that whole picture and not because of her plastic chichis or dinosaur dick strap-on. I pixelated it, because I wanted to protect your eyes from the sight of her exposing the top of her pantyhose. That’s definitely the most offensive and tackiest part of her ensemble.
The cracked out hillbilly chipmunk’s Dead Petz tour left a glittery butt skid mark of fuckery in Chicago last night when Miley Cyrus performed while looking like something that fell out of a Lisa Frank porn. When Miley and The Flaming Lips announced their tour, Wayne Coyne said that she wanted to do the show while everyone, even the audience, was asshole-out naked and covered in milk. Someone on that tour with at least half a working brain cell must have figured out that milk + a bunch of naked high messes = a giant cereal bowl of diseased nightmares.
So instead of doing that, Miley dick slapped us all in the face with ten loads of OHSOEDGY by doing herself up like a slutty pear-shaped baby stripper and whatever the hell she’s supposed to be in the picture above. She looks like a rejected member of Jem and the Holograms who had to pay her bills by working as a dominatrix at a sex club that caters to men who really want to be ass fucked with an alien peen strap-on. Just like that, Tom Cruise wrote the name “Miley Cyrus” next to the number one on the list of possible brides. Miley is also giving me “white acid trip 80s Tina Turner starring in a community theater production of Exit to Eden the Musical.”
This is what happens when a 90s baby really, really wishes they lived through the 80s.
And after seeing this picture of Miley as a giant stick of butter, I’m waiting for them to announce that the entire tour has been cancelled, because she has gone missing.
I’m sure footage from a surveillance camera outside of the theater will show Paula Deen wobbling out of the stage door with a pantyhose-covered foot dangling from her twat.
From The Department Of Yawn: Miley Cyrus And The Flaming Lips Are Going To Do A Show Completely Naked And Covered In “Milk”
If Miley Cyrus did a show fully clothed while sipping warm milk in a mug, that would be shocking, edgy, next level and would be filed under “Miley, As You’ve Never Seen Her!” But Miley is being Miley by doing an entire show where she’s nipples-out naked, The Flaming Lips are nipples-out naked, the entire audience is nipples-out naked, and they’re all covered in some kind of milk-like substance. See, that’s the difference between famous millionaires and us. When we get the idea to throw a naked milk party while tripping on acid, it doesn’t happen. But when famous millionaires get the idea while tripping on acid, they make that mess happen.
Yesterday, Wayne Coyne barfed up the news on Instagram that the least popular Garbage Pail Kid is putting together an entire show where everybody’s naked bodies will be covered in some kind of liquid shit that isn’t leche, but looks like leche. It’ll be shot for Miley’s video for “The Milky Milky Milk.”
Oh fuck..!!! @mileycyrus is planning a show where her, the band ( us ) and the audience are all COMPLETELY naked with milk ( well white stuff that looks like milk) is being being spewed everywhere .. It’s a video ( in the works) for #mileycyrusandherdeadpetz song The Milky Milky Milk…
A bunch of fucked-up sticky people rubbing their naked bodies all over each other… What could go wrong? At the end of the show, that floor is going to look like a giant serving of yeast infection and dead crab chowder and I’m not talking about the kind of crab that sang songs in The Little Mermaid. But really, this is nothing new at all. I mean, a big party where everybody’s naked and covered in a white sticky substance? That probably happens weekly in the Scientology bath house!
Here’s attention’s bottom bitch Miley Cyrus coming out of a bar in Soho with her other magical mystery whores. She couldn’t get out of that early season Project Runway “Candle in the Wind” challenge gown fast enough. Has anyone seen my bindis, y’all? My t-shirts referencin’ altered states of consciousness? Where are my various denims at?
The New York Daily News sez that the “I’m multi-gendered y’all!” Cyrus is dating Victoria’s Secret model Stella Maxwell. They reportedly got together after she broke up with Patrick Schwarzenegger back in March, attending SXSW together and taking their gina bumpin’ on to Vegas afterwards
“They hold hands and hug and are very comfortable together. They’re definitely together,” said our source.
Whoo, and “Turnt” is right. These cats are DONE UP. Turnt #2 just got a visit from the machine elves that work behind the scenes of the universe and she’s living for it. Miley’s bestie Wayne Coyne looks like Manson without the Napoleon complex-inspired murderous racism. I’d totally follow him to a ranch in Death Valley to trip balls around the campfire, secure in the knowledge that Sadie Mae Putz’s Hannah Montana royalties are footing the bill.
She’s got it all. She gets to molest pigs without police interference or documentaries being made about her. She gets a to-go beer for her backpack. The last time I tried to leave a bar with a bottle, it was snatched from my hand and I was informed I wasn’t allowed to return. What pig do I need to molest to be afforded these rights and privileges?
Oh, and that’s totally a down-on-his-luck Marilyn Manson dressed as Meryl and Goldie at the end of Death Becomes Her behind them. Check out more pics of the Miley Family in the gallery below, including some Instagram snaps of her and Stella Maxwell.