It’s a dark day for cartoonishly bad CGI sharks, movie title puns, and the bank accounts belonging to Tara Reid and Ian Ziering. Entertainment Weekly says that SyFy isn’t making anymore Sharknado movies after its sixth one. The tornado made of live sharks and somewhat-alive careers will stop spinning and dump everything back into the ocean where it first began. The makers of Sharknado 6 tweeted yesterday that it will be released in August.
— Sharknado (@SharknadoSYFY) March 29, 2018
Both Ian Ziering and Tara Reid will return, as will Vivica A. Fox and Cassie Scerbo. EW says the plot of Sharknado 6 involves time travel. The fifth one, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, involved Fin’s son Gil getting sucked into a massive sharknado and the subsequent destruction of the world. Basically, they’re going to go back and prevent the sharknados from ever happening. It also ended with Ian Ziering’s character meeting up with Dolph Lundgren, which means you can probably expect to see He-Man and Steve Sanders fighting…I don’t know, tornadoes filled with Nazi sharks?
I just hope that one of the things they do while they’re back in time is make a pit stop in 2001 and warn Tara Reid – actual Tara Reid – that unless she wants to do something called Andy the Talking Hedgehog, she might want to start screening Paris Hilton’s calls. At the very least they should tell her to lay off the unfiltered Marlboros. And when she asks why, they can pull out a should play her a recording of her truck-driving-through-a-gravel-pit voice from present day. That’s a better wake-up call than any Charles Dickens ghost.
If this picture was representative of Vivica A. Fox’s life, you could say she’s waving goodbye to her business partner along with all the gays she wanted to deny lap dances to.
Last week, Vivica A. Fox got in a bit of trouble while promoting Vivica’s Black Magic, the Lifetime reality show documenting the launch of her male stripper review in Las Vegas. Vivica was asked if gay guys could get a lap dance too and she replied, “Aw, hell no!” Vivica claimed her club was for the ladies. Vivica took more shit online for that “hell no” than she has taken needles to the face, and she eventually tried to backpedal.
Independence Day star (whew, her career apex was a couple of decades ago, huh?) Vivica A. Fox has a new reality show coming out, and her PR efforts backfired on her feline-faced ass. Vivica’s Black Magic (on Lifetime!) will document Vivica’s efforts to launch a male stripper review in Las Vegas. You almost want to watch for that amazing title alone.
Vivica did a radio interview to promote it and thought it was a good idea to reveal that gay dudes aren’t allowed in. Uh oh. There are those among my people who feel that we should be allowed in everywhere, even a busted Vivica A. Fox male stripper revue in Vegas. Just for the record, I don’t need to go there, but I fully support my fellow gays who do. JUSTICE.
The feud between exes, Vivica A. Catface and 5 Cents, tongue-rolled straight into Ass Lickin’ Town last year after she said in so many words that she believes his tip may get moist for man booty. It all started when Fifty farted on Instagram about how Empire’s ratings dip was because of all the “gay stuff” and Vivica said on Watch What Happen Lives that it was all just a case of the pot calling the kettle a man booty lover. At the time, Fifty responded to Vivica by saying that she only thinks he’s gay because he “let her” glaze his wrinkled donut with her tongue. That takes us to last night.
Along with Leah Remini, 50 Cent was a guest on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen just had to once again give us the image of Vivica making out with Fifty’s butt by bringing it up.
Roland Emmerich’s movie about the Stonewall riots was an extra chunky skid mark in the eyes of most critics and it was a total flop at the box office. One of that shit show’s biggest criticism was that it was like the 1969 Stonewall riots as seen through the eyes of an Abercrombie & Fitch marketing executive. The movie focused on a pretty-faced young white boy and pushed the black and Latino activists into the background. Someone even started a petition to boycott that mess. It got almost 25,000 signatures. Director Roland Emmerich defended his Stonewall movie then, and he’s still defending the hell out of it.
I really didn’t think I was going to start my week with my brain farting up the picture of Vivica Fox sticking her tongue in 50 Cent’s wrinkled coin purse, but here we are.
The talk of 50 Cent’s ass getting itself a face full of Vivica started when she was on Watch What Happens Live last night. Andy Cohen brought up 50 Cent reposting an Instagram post that blamed Empire’s season 2 ratings dip on too much “extra gay stuff.” Anybody who has heard the rumors that 50 Cent loves some dick in his candy shop threw a level 10 side-eye at that move. Well, Vivica, who plays Cookie’s other sister Biscuit (I made that name up) on Empire this season, thought that was a good time to bring out the old rumors that her ex loves peen. Vivica basically said that 50 thinking that Empire is “too gay” is the dick-loving pot calling the dick-loving kettle a dick lover.