Michelle Rodriquez must not have heard the age old adage, “A man who desires revenge should dig two graves”. Last week, she tried to write her own revenge flick after her friend and Widows co-star Liam Neeson confessed that he used to be a hate crime aficionado, but was cured of his race-based murderous impulses by power-walking the hate away. Michelle was ready to bury those who dared call Liam a racist thus besmirching his good name. But her defense was so incredibly stupid, people were ready to lay flowers on her grave (Ok, drink tall boys on her grave) for saying that there’s no way Liam could possibly be racist because kissed a black woman for work. You see, Michelle has a very particular set of skills: she’s 2 fast, 2 furious, and 2 prone 2 say some real dumb shit. And now, she’s had to issue an apology.
Nominations for the Pinky’s Up Oscars, aka the BAFTA Awards, were announced in London today and The Gagabot 3000 is one more step closer to achieving its goal of total global domination. Lady Gaga was nominated for the 99th Leading Actress out of a room filled with 100 Leading Actresses for A Star Is Born. Joining her are Glenn Close (#98 for The Wife), Melissa McCarthy (#97 for Can You Ever Forgive Me), Olivia Coleman (#96 for The Favourite), and Viola Davis (#95 for Widows). It’s kind of crazy that the Tea & Crumpets Oscars only has one British person nominated in this category. Maybe they have an exchange program with the Fully Loaded Fries Oscars, since we always seem to nominate entire villages full of British actors for our little award show comes up.
Viola Davis was on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday night to promote Widows. She says that during filming, they had a makeup artist on set who encouraged everyone to take part in a 28-day cleanse. The only food they could consume had to be sipped, since chewing and sucking were forms of “aggression.” To be honest, aggressive sucking sounds like a whole lot of people’s idea of a good time, but apparently not for that makeup artist. Viola says she decided to participate, because she wanted to release her anger.
“This was going to be a game changer for me. We had to do it for 28 days. I lasted for two days. I was in the damn Jacuzzi one day and my niece called, and she pissed me off so damn bad…I went upstairs, ate a hamburger. Went to the drive through at McDonald’s. Couldn’t drink alcohol, had a big thing of vodka with soda water and lemon.
And the next day, [the makeup artist] was like, ‘Now Viola, how is it all going?’. I said, ‘I don’t have time for this. I need my anger, I’ve got a chip on my shoulder, I’ve always had a chip on my shoulder, and it works for me. Because if I don’t let this stuff out, I’m going to blow up.'”
Viola should have seen this one coming. If she didn’t mess around with the on-set shenanigans of Jared Leto, what makes her think she could deal with hunger for a month? Her response to that cleanse was the same as I had when I tried to do a week-long juice cleanse. I too managed two days, and drove myself straight to McDonald’s to eat three cheeseburgers in a parking lot. Hmmm…I think we just discovered McDonald’s newest potential marketing strategy.
If you’ve seen The Help, you already know that you is kind, you is smart, and you is important. And you have Viola Davis to thank for that affirmation. Well, sorry but she’d like to take it back. According to Variety, Viola told a TIFF panel that she regrets having taken the role of Aibileen Clark in the movie adaptation of the Kathryn Stockett novel of the same name. Welcome to the The Help is garbage club, Viola!
Note that I left out the word “mess,” as there’s no question that the messiest part of the red carpet was most likely the three square feet of space occupied by Ryan Seacrest.
If there was an award for red carpet fashion that makes you question a stylist’s sanity, Nicole Kidman would be that category’s Meryl Streep. Nicole arrived in an Armani Prive gown that does double duty. From the waist-up she’s very mascot of a sexy frozen fish company, and from the waist down I’m getting a reminder to please separate my plastic recyclables from my paper.
Hollywood has finally come around to the idea of giving dark-skinned black actresses a shot. But we’re only allowed to have two at once and they have to be different ages! Luckily the Chosen Two, Lupita Nyong’o and Viola Davis are teaming up to play mother and daughter in the upcoming film titled The Woman King. According to Deadline, TWK is not another live action remake of The Lion King where Nala rips our Simba’s throat to take her rightful place on the throne, but it is a tale set in Africa. And it’s based on a true story.