When Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence’s Two Sexy Goofs in Space film, Passengers, came out last December, many hated it. One of the major reasons why people weren’t feeling Passengers was because they found Chris Pratt’s character to be a bit of a creepy stalker. Chris Pratt is surprised that people felt that way.
A lot of puffy pecs were reportedly in an uproar on the set of (I can barely type the awful name of this movie) The Fate Of The Furious last summer. The Rock vague-Instagrammed about someone being Public Asshole #1 on the set, and it was fairly obvious he was referencing fellow balding diva, Vin Diesel. Vin shot back by promising he would spill the tea on their roidy catfighting. That never really happened, but it doesn’t matter now, because it appears that both of them are past it.
There’s a billion reasons for why it’s a shit time to be alive (see: any “serious” news site of your choice for many examples of that), but there’s a big reason for why it’s a glorious time to be alive. We’re currently living in the golden age of masterful food sculptures of celebrities. Last week, a food artiste unveiled their own Mona Lisa, a sculpture of a knocked up Beyoncé made entirely of cheese. Bri-oncé! And also last week, an engineer and YouTuber from Ventura, CA created the David of the food sculpture world: a ham and cheese sandwich that looks like Vin Diesel. Well, I was hoping for a ham and beef sculpture of The Hammaconda, but I guess I’ll take this.
Vin Diesel recently did an interview with a Brazilian YouTuber named Carol Moreira to promote his latest 2-hour grunt fest, xXx: The Return of Xander Cage. Vin Diesel looks kind of like an anthropomorphic penis, which is entirely fitting, since he acted like a throbbing erection through most of the interview. Unfortunately, Vin was too boner blinded to realize that Carol the YouTuber wasn’t having it.
The Rock v. Vin Diesel beef mostly smelled like candy, ass and boiled Muscle Milk, but if you put your nostrils close enough to it, you’d swear that you could also smell the scent of STUNT (which smells like every Taylor Swift perfume mixed together). Life & Style says that you smelled right. Their sources claim that the two buff billiard balls do have their differences, but they decided to take their feud, pull its pants down and shoot its ass up with gallons of steroids. They are playing up their beef so they can “have it out” in a WWE match that will promote Fast 8. Fast 8 opens on April 14, 2017 and WrestleMania 33 is happening on April 2, 2017.
When we last left the too-much-testosterone, chest-puffing fight between Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel, The Rock made a big show on Instagram of thanking everyone he worked with on Fast 8. Everyone except for candy ass Vin Regular Gasoline, that is! It was not exactly a smart thing to do when Vin Diesel had just threatened to expose The Rock. But it sounds like Vin Diesel has decided to stop the pettiness and be the bigger man. Not literally, of course; I’m pretty sure science would have to discover a mutated strain of HGH for either of them to get any bigger.