The Daily Mail is reporting that a Spice Girls reunion world tour was an actual possibility but now all of us 90s gays who never got to see the Spice Girls live will have to just live with it. It seems that after Mel B revealed a secret cooch bumpin’ session with bandmate Geri Horner, shit has hit the fan and our dreams of a world tour are dead and buried along with all of the wind-breaking track pants they forced Mel C to wear all those years.
Stories about David Beckham having a wandering eye are about as common as stories of Donald Trump being an asshole with a wandering eye. Normally, I don’t really pay attention or care to David stories since I’m still wondering why his wife, Posh Spice, gave up easy money performing with the Spice Girls to focus on her fashion label. Alas, this one has legs since, unlike David’s prior rumored flings with people like his own child’s kindergarten teacher or soccer groupies, this is someone who could swallow Posh, er, Victoria Beckham whole. After all, even those salty queens Dolce & Gabbana seem to like her, and they hate everyone. Tabloids say that Victoria is getting jealous of David’s relationship with Helena Christensen.
Presumably because she’d rather eat her own arm (or any solid foods, for that matter) than have a reporter ask her about rejoining the Spice Girls, Victoria Beckham took a Percocet, scheduled a sit-down with a reporter, and proceeded to smile the day away and talk about why so many people think she and David Beckham are on the rocks (hint: sometimes he implies it!). Posh has a new Reebok partnership to promote and buried a passing line in the overall story about the divorce rumors.
The Spice Girls are going on a reunion tour that currently only six dates and 80% of the original lineup. Entertainment Tonight says they stopped by the Heart Breakfast radio show this morning (of which Emma Bunton is a co-host) to talk about the tour and drum up some ticket sales, which officially go on sale this weekend. Even though Victoria Beckham has made it very clear she’s not joining them, noted Posh troll Mel B hinted that she might show up.
After what seemed like a year of Mel B saying over and over and over again that the Spice Girls will reunite, it seems that they finally caved and said: “Okay bitch, fine, Jesus–stop visiting me at work, fuck.” Well, all of them except for Posh. Try not to piss in your little black Gucci dress out of shock over that news.
On Halloween night, Scary Spice lived up to her name by dressing as the most terrifying thing she could think of. Mel B went as a banshee who continues to haunt Victoria Beckham’s life by never shutting up about that damn Spice Girls reunion tour.