Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For “The Surreal Life” Reboot

Reality TV peaked in the early aughts. There was something special about Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, and all of the subsequent spinoffs. Arguably, the crown jewel of them all was The Surreal Life. If you weren’t tuning in to see the zany interactions of Brigitte Nielsen and Flava “Foofy Foofy” Flav or Verne Troyer (RIP) mumbling unintelligibly at the rest of the cast while crashing his power scooter, you weren’t livin’. If you’ve longed for simpler days when we had to turn the TV on to know what was going on with celebs instead of involuntarily learning of their every butt suckins, you’re in luck; the trailer for The Surreal Life reboot is here.

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Now Old People Can Apply To Be On “America’s Top Model”

Renowned media mogul, Tyra Banks, has practiced the time honored tradition of ageism for years. When her iconic skinny bitch showcase America’s Next Top Model debuted in 2003, there has always been three main simple rules: 1). I am your Queen! 2). At some point I’ma fuck your hair up. 3). Don’t be an old bitch.

Well, rules 1 and 2 are still in full effect, but Tyra has finally done away with rule number 3. She now welcomes contestants of every age to pack their bags (including the ones under their eyes) to smize away for cash prizes and reality supermodel infamy.

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Amber Rose Analyzes Kanye Vs. Taylor Swift

Emoji mogul, Slut Walk founder, and now talk show host Amber Rose has something to say. Has she a talk show? Good on her! This clip (see below) didn’t irritate me. It’s because Amber’s ENORMOUS boobs transfixed me. They look like she’s yoked two feeding piglets. Those are some mammaries. Tits aside, Amber used her new VH-1 talk show as a platform from which to provide the earth with her take on the Kim and Kanye Kardashian-West vs. Taylor Swift situation. Did Amber attend the #KimExposedTaylorParty? Did she add a snake emoji to that deceptive Laura Ingalls Wilder impersonator’s Instagram? Kinda.

USWeekly reports that Amber, admitting that she’s not her ex MC Finger Puppet’s “biggest fan,” cited the 2009 VMAs “Ima let you finish“ incident as evidence that Kanye wouldn’t go in on Tay Tay again.

“It was just a very hard time for him,” she recalled. “I watched people say that they did not want to work with him anymore because of it. … I know that Kanye would never ever go through that again by not calling Taylor and say, ‘Heads up, I’m about to go write this verse real quick. Just wanted to make sure you’re cool with it,’” Rose said. “I know that about Kanye.”

However, Amber closed her Kuntye forum by bringing up her presence as a wax effigy in Yeezy’s video for “Famous“ and offering her ex and his Chinese finger trap ass some sage advice.

“So, I say all of that to say: Why didn’t I get a phone call for using a naked wax figure in your video, Kanye?” Rose said to the camera, referring to West’s controversial “Famous” music video, which features a bevy of famous faces naked in bed with the musician. “I mean, Taylor gets a call but I don’t get a call. … Please stay the f–k out of the news so I don’t need to talk about your ass anymore.”

Wiser words have NEVER been spoken. Make sure that applies to the WHOLE family, Yeezus.

Check out more pics of Amber Rose filming her show on Hollywood Blvd. on Wednesday below.

Pics: Splash