Category: Val Kilmer
Val Kilmer Admits That He Was Fighting Cancer
Last October we all found out that Michael Douglas has a big mouth, which is great for Catherine Zeta-Jones’ cooze (even though all that snatch eating gave him cancer), but bad for Val Kilmer. During an event called An Evening with Michael Douglas in London, Michael told the audience that the reason why we haven’t really heard from Val Kilmer is because he’s got tongue cancer and was busy fighting that nasty asshole demon. Val’s family also claimed that he had cancer and wasn’t treating it because of his Christian Science beliefs. But Val shit on both Michael Douglas and his family by saying that he doesn’t have cancer and was only dealing with a swollen tongue.
Back then, Val was probably not ready to tell the world about having cancer. But during a Reddit AMA (via Variety) last Wednesday, Val talked about having cancer and said that he’s healing. One Redditor asked Val about what Big Mouth Michael (which strangely enough, is one of my nicknames too) said and he spilled this out:
“He was probably trying to help me cause press probably asked where I was these days, and I did have a healing of cancer, but my tongue is still swollen altho healing all the time. Because I don’t sound my normal self yet people think I may still be under the weather.”
So I guess Michael Douglas was right about something. But because Michael shamelessly put Val Kilmer’s business on the streets, he will never ever get an invitation to join Val and Val’s Cate Blanchett Real Doll to a special dinner. And that’s what his ass gets.
Pic: Wenn.com
Val Kilmer Doesn’t Understand Why His Cate Blanchett Love Came Off As Creepy
Over the weekend, some people got the image of Val Kilmer spooning with his Lady Tremaine Disney doll while lying on a bedspread covered with Cate Blanchett’s face in a room wallpapered with pictures of her. Val sang from the top of Twitter about his undying love for Cate Blanchett and admitted that he once flew all the way to Australia to talk to her but got her husband instead. He also said that he has dreams of Cate, dreams that don’t involve her husband. Some think that Val’s love for Cate is like the song You’re Beautiful and he’s James Blunt and she’s the subway chick.
Val Kilmer Is Fully In Love With Cate Blanchett
The defiantly cancer-free Val Kilmer is probably the only person who didn’t snicker a little bit when they saw Cate Blanchett done up as a middle-aged The Sisters of Mercy fan for the next Thor flick. That’s because the best Batman (it’s an unpopular opinion but come find me if you feel differently) is in glorious Twitter love with the Australian actress.
Val has turned his Twitter feed into a veritable shrine dedicated to Cate Blanchett worship. It wouldn’t surprise me if noted eccentric Val dresses up his pets as Galadriel, Kate Hepburn, and a closeted lesbian housewife in the 1950s. Wait, scratch that, it probably shouldn’t be cats.
Val Kilmer Says He Doesn’t Have Cancer
During a Q&A at the Royal Drury Lane Theater in London on Sunday, Michael Douglas kiki’d with the audience about the health of his former co-star and celebrity recluse Val Kilmer. Michael spilled that the reason you haven’t heard much from Val lately is because he’s battling the same cancer (oral cancer) Michael had. Val isn’t too thrilled that Michael gave out personal details about his current situation, and he took to Facebook yesterday to let everyone know what’s up. According to Val, what’s up is that Michael Douglas doesn’t know shit-all about what he’s talking about.
Michael Douglas Says That Val Kilmer Is Battling Cancer And Things Aren’t Looking Good
Michael Douglas did “An Evening with Michael Douglas” at the Royal Drury Lane Theater in London last night, and he should’ve spent the entire evening describing in detail what it was like getting humped from the back by Matt Damon while wearing a polyester beaver on his head. But instead of doing that, Michael Douglas spent the evening talking about his career with host Jonathan Ross. When Michael talked about making 1996’s The Ghost and the Darkness, his fat mouth hole spilled out the news that his co-star Val Kilmer has tongue cancer and is in a bad way. “Not knowing that spilling someone’s medical situation isn’t a good idea” is probably a side effect of eating a lot of twat.
Val Kilmer’s Family Says He Isn’t Treating A Tumor In His Throat Because He’s A Hardcore Christian Scientist
According to TMZ, Brad Pitt’s Bizarro World equivalent Val Kilmer is currently in a bad way: he’s got a troublemaking tumor living in his throat that they claim put him in the hospital last week for an operation. Typically if a tumor type puts you in the hospital, you send it an eviction notice in the form of an appointment to have a medical professional surgically remove it (or in the case of a cyst, you have a friend take an X-Acto knife to it in the kitchen while someone else films it for YouTube). However, Val’s family tells TMZ that they’re worried he’s going to try to pray away his tumor, because he’s big into Christian Science and they’re not big on surgery. Even Christian Science is like “You know, we should really consider changing our name to something less confusing.”
Val’s family says that they’ve tried to convince Val to see a doctor and get his throat tumor taken care of since the summer, but that he’s brushed them off in favor of asking Dr. Jesus for help. And it sounds like Dr. Jesus is about as qualified as Dr. Nick Riviera, because they claim he’s had trouble speaking, and once his neck swelled up so badly he had to cover it with scarves. Oooh, how very Dieter Von Cunth of him.
But Val Kilmer is calling BS on reports that he has a throat tumor. Val explained his throat situation on Facebook (via Gossip Cop) saying that there is no tumor and no tumor operation, adding that he was in the hospital last week for “a complication” and that he and his Christian Science practitioner are currently waiting on the results of an x-ray to see what’s up. Then he sort of went on a bonkers rant calling USA Today a bunch of lie-telling LIARS. It’s very long and a little tinfoil hat-y, so I’ve put it after the cut.