Category: Val Kilmer

Tom Cruise Arrived On The Red Carpet For The Premiere Of “Top Gun: Maverick” In A Helicopter

May 5, 2022 / Posted by:

It took 36 years, but Tom Cruise has finally busted his Top Gun: Maverick nut all over the windshield of his F-14 Tomcat, which is probably why he had to fly onto the red carpet for yesterday’s premiere in a helicopter. Tom’s jizz is filled with thetens (that’s how he sheds them) which, if you’ve ever seen a mirror in a bathroom at a Scientology Center, you know are next to impossible to remove. So Tom’s Tomcat probably had to be decommissioned. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the four-hour-long red carpet extravaganza was held in San Diego aboard the USS Midway, a retired aircraft carrier. This means I can finally be honorably discharged, WITH DISTINCTION, for my tireless dedication to making up goof names for Top Gun 2: Secrets of The Bottom Drawer. And with that, I am out. May you have fair winds and following seas. I’ll take my 21-gun salute to go.

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Cher Talks About That Time She Was Madly In Love With Val Kilmer

August 26, 2021 / Posted by:

A few years ago, ageless goddess Cher told us that Tom Cruise is in her top 5 of lovers (yes, THAT Tom Cruise). To which, many of us asked, “Did Tom Cruise use his Scientology powers to hypnotize Cher into saying that?” Who knows, but Cher recently talked about another major love of her life and these comments aren’t bringing on the questions marks like her Tom Cruise comments. Cher did an interview with People where she discusses how madly in love she was with Val Kilmer, whose recent battle with throat cancer is the subject of the Amazon Prime documentary Val.

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Open Post: Hosted By The New “Top Gun: Maverick” Recruits

January 30, 2020 / Posted by:

As if we needed more proof that Top Gun 2: Bottoms Up is anything more than a very expensive video of Tom Cruise fapping into the wind, the film’s director, Joseph Kosinski, was interviewed for Entertainment Weekly and detailed the staggering lengths the production went to in order to make Tom feel good about himself. EW also revealed some new sepia toned cast photos which I guess are supposed to evoke feelings of nostalgia but really just expose the fact that the production of Top Gun 2: Rear Viewz has depleted the world’s supply of bronzer.

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You’ll Have To Wait Until Summer 2020 For “Top Gun: Maverick”

August 30, 2018 / Posted by:

Apparently the highway to the danger zone is moving slower than Monday morning rush hour traffic and will take a whole lot longer than planned to get everyone to their final destination. According to Deadline, the release of Top Gun: Maverick has been moved a year.

The decades-later sequel to 1986’s Top Gun, was scheduled to hit theaters on July 12, 2019, but Paramount has switched the release to June 26, 2020. Is it because the wardrobe department needs more time to figure out how to construct a flight suit harness that will hold in Jon Hamm? Are the writers having a difficult time trying to explain how Goose and Carole made such a douchey son? None of the above, actually. Sources tell Deadline that Paramount has extended production time in order to perfect the complex flight sequences, so the movie can “be great.

Meanwhile, Val Kilmer was spotted taking a break from filming to have lunch with his daughter.

People magazine describes Val as “looking healthy” while out with his daughter, which I would agree. Val needs to be as healthy as possible before he starts shooting Top Gun: Maverick, and that involves all types of health, like mental strength. Val’s can’t show any hesitation in the event Tom Cruise approaches him during a break and starts talking about religion. “I see you’re a Christian Scientist. Isn’t it so crazy how close Scientist sounds to Scientology? Here, let me give you a pamphlet.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Miles Teller Will Play Goose Jr. In The “Top Gun” Sequel

July 5, 2018 / Posted by:

Hey guys, hope you had a good 4th of July. It was hard for me to work up even a modicum of patriotism this year, but since I had the day off, I wore black, scowled and drank wine all day like a real French bitch. Speaking of patriotism, Miles Teller, Shia LaBeouf’s less talented, boorish evil twin, just nabbed the role of Goose Jr. in the upcoming Top Gun sequel, Top Gun 2: Bottoms Up. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Miles will be playing the son of Anthony Edwards‘ characterNick “Goose” Bradshaw, who died in the original. Meg Ryan played Goose’s wife Carol, so canonically she’s Miles’ mom.

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