This has been a big week for long-awaited justice. With the Golden State Killer possibly getting caught and Bill Cosby convicted, authorities have announced that new evidence in the case of WTF Happened To Corey Feldman, has come to light. According to The Blast, multiple witnesses and security footage have been found that corroborates Corey’s bizarre story about getting stabbed/attacked/aggressively tickled by an entity he called the “wolf pack” while stopped at a light in either a calculated hit (Corey’s belief) or a road rage situation (LAPD’s belief).
Now that the case of #WhoBitBeyonce has maybe been solved (and the Beyhive Protection Agency has since moved Sanaa Lathan to a nondescript suburb in Missouri where’s she’s working as a Piggly Wiggly cashier named Brenda who loves Beyonce, so the Beyhive will be thrown off her trail ), there’s a new case on the scene that Detective La Toyas-in-training can run their magnifying glasses over. It’s the case of Who Stabbed Corey Feldman? Or because of what the LAPD says, it could be the case of Was Corey Feldman Even Stabbed At All? (Insert DramaticDogFace.mov here)
The story goes that in Tarzana, CA last night, Corey Feldman and a security guard were in a car stopped at a red light when 3 dudes pulled up. One dude jumped out of the car, opened Corey’s door and stabbed him before they all busted out of the scene. Corey was taken to the hospital, but don’t worry, it looks like he’s okay. Okay enough to vape (see: vape pen on the left) and tweet, anyway. I’m going to need Corey to tell me which L.A. area hospital let him vape, because if I so much as pull out a weed pen in a hospital, the nurses will tackle me (and probably because they want a hit of that shit since being a nurse is no joke).
The Blast reports that Lindsay Lohan is in arrears with the United States IRS to the tune of $100,000 for unpaid taxes. Lindsay claims the failure to pay was not her fault, but instead, is the fault of her management company. And Lindsay is launching an investigation into the firm to find out what had happened. I have a feeling that Detective La Toya Jackson might close up shop and permanently remove her plaque that reads Celebrity Shenanigans Solved by La Toya ™ after she hears a desperate pounding on the door from a certain chapped, sun-damaged and desperate dehydrated apricot screaming “Help me, La Toya! You’re my only hope!“.