Christina Hendrix showed up to the 5th Annual Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic in Pacific Palisades, CA yesterday, and for some ungodly reason she chose the Napoleon Dynamite reject outfit above to wear to the event. NO. Awkward Family Photo 70s tux/doily combo Christina…really?? I can’t.
I know that the whole world yells at her to put her ridiculous pillowlicious chi chis away once in awhile but this is taking it way too far. That “ensemble” is tata jail. Illegal. FREE THE TATAS!!! And not only is it tata jail, it’s face/hair/shoes/body/all of it jail that sucks the life from everything else in a 5 mile radius into a vortex of fuckugly. We’re so sorry Christina!!! Please please PLEASE bring back the tatas. We’ll even seat them in the front row so they feel special.
Did Christina plan this outfit, or was she attacked by my Grandma’s window sheers and ridiculously long dresser runner before falling into a “vintage nobody wants” Goodwill box on her way to the red carpet? I don’t know. All I know is that the next time someone shades her for always having Tha Girls on display, she should show them this picture and they will immediately retract their statement and fluff her boobs for her. Everybody wins.
After centuries upon centuries of hearing that Brit Brit’s going to bring her Arm Waving And Lip-Synching Spectacular to Las Vegas, she finally announced on Good Morning America today that she’s doing a two year residency at Planet Hollywood. Thousands of her fans dressed up in her …Baby One More Time school girl outfit and dragged themselves to the middle of the Nevada desert at 2 in the morning to hold up a giant sign for her. Brit Brit saw the sign from a helicopter and she later told Sam Champion that she got the sicks during the ride. Yack, bitch! And yes, Brit Brit barfing up in the helicopter before announcing has Las Vegas shows is foreshadowing.
When Brit Brit finally landed on the ground and rinsed the voms out of her mouth with pork rind-flavored Listerine, she told Sam Champion that her new album is coming out on December 3rd and her Las Vegas show “Britney: Piece of Me” will start on December 27th. She’s (and by “she” I mean Daddy Spears and her other wallet holders) supposedly getting $30 million to do 96 shows during a 2 year period.
In the pre-recorded interview with RedFace McVeneers, Brit Brit didn’t look that uncomfortable and she didn’t look like a pilled up robot deer caught in the headlights. She looked semi-alive-ish! But then in the live interview, she was fidgety, over it and looked like she would’ve rather been eating a plate full of organic, farm fresh vegetables than be in the middle of the desert with Sam Champion. It’s hard to blame her, because standing on top of the graves of people who messed with the mob while being surrounded by a bunch of screaming crazies in school girl costumes sounds like a Hell worse than Burning Man.
And why was she dressed like a Hong Kong-based lady pimp?
A few days ago, a lawyer for Khyati Shah, the victim in the airborne teabagging gone wrong incident at the Billboard Music Awards, told the media that she was very close to slapping him with a lawsuit. Khyati’s lawyer, Vip Bhola, said that she suffered injuries that might affect her for the rest of her life. Now he’s saying that Miguel’s bad acrobatic decisions might’ve done serious damage to her brains.
Vip tells TMZ that some of the difficulties that Khyati’s experiencing “are cognitive in nature and lead to suspicion of a neurological head injury.” Vip also said the Billboard Music Awards were wrong for giving Khyati a piddly little ice pack for her head injury instead of rushing her ass to the ER. She is waiting for her test results and if there is any evidence of damage done to her brain, then it will be payday, bitches.
Khyati not only suffered injuries to her head, but she will forever be known as the poor girl who almost got her head ripped off by Miguel’s weapon of mass destruction (aka his leg). It’s kind of obvious that she suffered some kind of brain injury, because right after Miguel almost killed her, she said that she was a huge fan of his. She obviously wasn’t in her right mind, because at that moment she should’ve only been a fan of Larry H. Parker and ambulance who will take her to the hospital to get her head checked out. Give Khyati all the moneys!
And I’m sure Miguel’s lawyers will argue that he obviously suffers from some serious brain damage himself and look at him, he’s a star and performed at the Billboard Music Awards!
When dumb stupid buffoon Miguel violently teabagged a girl at the Billboard Music Awards, I started to countdown from 10 and figured that when I got to 5, Gloria Allred would’ve already announced in a press conference that the girl is suing his ass for zillions of dollars. Well, it took longer than I thought and Gloria Allred, surprisingly, isn’t involved, but the girl is getting close to dropping a lawsuit right on Miguel’s head.
Khyati Shah, the chick whose head became the meat in a Miguel and stage sandwich, hired lawyer Vip Bhola and he tells E! News that she’s been experiencing psychical “difficulties” since the Billboard Music Awards and is considering legal action. Vip says that Khyati’s doctors are going to examine her injuries and once they get the results back, they’ll decide whether or not to sue. Vip hasn’t spoken to Miguel’s lawyers yet, but he says he’s open to settling out of court.
Shortly after, Miguel kicked one girl in the face and nearly decapitated Khyati, they were both interviewed backstage:
Khyati made the mistake of going on camera and smiling like everything was peachy cream (copyright: Jennifer from Basketball Wives). I’d have a brace on my neck, a cast on my head, a metal back brace on my body and I’d be sipping Ensure while sitting on a wheelchair. If they interviewed me backstage, I’d be like, “Huh? What? Who are you? Where am I? The pain! The pain! Jesus, is that you? Jesus, hug me, I’m ready!” Then I would’ve sued Miguel, Billboard, the venue and Sir Isaac Newton.
Miguel should’ve known better. He really thinks he’s Prince and Janelle Monae. Prince wouldn’t have only landed that jump, but he would’ve done so while wearing 10-inch glossy heels. Leave the stage jumps to the professionals, Miguel.
If you woke up this morning and told yourself that your day is incomplete unless you hear about RiRi’s waxed coochie box, you’re in luck. Your day won’t be incomplete! When RiRi was with Chris Brown, her chocha hairs burned off at the sight of his face. But now that she’s no longer with Chris Brown, she keeps her crotch as smooth as a naked mole rat’s armpit by getting a Brazilian wax.
Some chicks say that getting a Brazilian wax is as pleasant and comfortable as riding a crocodile naked, but the chicks that I know that have gotten a Brazilian wax have all said that it’s not that bad. (Maybe they just have the crotch of a viking?) Since we’re on the subject of crotch grooming, one friend told me that her friend’s puss lips once got caught in an Epilady. That dumbass is obviously an amateur, because I’ve used an Epilady several times and it’s never gotten caught on my droopy as- I’m going to stop.
Anyway, the staff at Fuzz Wax Bar in Toronto tells The Daily Star (via Zap2It) that RiRi came in for a Brazilian wax and told them that she didn’t want any numbing cream, because she loves the pain of it all.
RiRi refused the numbing cream they apply as a standard process. “No way, I love the pain,” Rihanna tells the esthetician. “It feels good to me.”
On top of that, she never screeched or squealed during her full-bore bikini wax. The salon staff says the walls are very thin, so they could tell Rihanna was actually enjoying herself. “She was singing and humming songs all through the treatment,” says the source. “None of us could stop laughing.”
Now you know where to go if you want to get your flower waxed in a place where the walls are so thin that everyone can hear you scream in pain (or goat yodel with pleasure if you’re RiRi).
I’m actually surprised to hear that RiRi feels any kind of sensation down there. I’d think that fucking Chris Brown’s nasty ass for all those years would’ve left her snatch traumatized, numb and scared for a while.
Here’s RiRi patting her freshly waxed bits while performing in Bilbao, Spain the other night.
Seen above looking like Queen Latifah’s girlfriend in Set It Off, The Difficult Brown could find himself soaping up his b-hole in a shower room full of prison bitches, because there’s a chance he might be thrown into a prison cell (he won’t). Chris Brown is on probation for nearly beating RiRi’s face off and he’s supposed to be on his best behavior at all times. But since he’s Chris Brown, he doesn’t have the ability to behave and he loves to act like an insufferable asshole whenever he gets the chance.
Chris ran his Range Rover into the back of a car in L.A. a few days ago and immediately broke the nerves of the other driver by refusing to exchange information. Usually when you get into a small car accident with a sane non-asshole, you exchange information before going your separate ways. But when you get into a car accident with Chris Brown, you nearly grind your teeth into dust, because trying to pull information out of him is like trying to pull a stubborn doody bubble out of your own ass.
TMZ says that Chris refused to give the driver he rear-ended his drivers license number. She kept asking for it and he kept refusing to give it to her. Chris did give her insurance information, but it turned out to be the wrong information.
Leaving the scene of an accident without exchanging proper and valid information is a crime, so the LAPD wants to talk to Chris. If he’s charged with quitting the scene without giving valid information, a judge could declare that he violated his probation and he could to go to prison for 4 years.
Well, we can never accuse Chris Brown of being smart in the brains. All he had to do was give the lady the right information and he couldn’t even do that right. Let’s not pop the Andre just yet, because I doubt he’ll ever see the inside of a prison cell. But damn, what kind of twat hits someone’s car and gives that someone fake insurance information? If Chris wanted to avoid insurance shit, he should’ve just pulled ten thousand dollars out of his asshole and given it to the lady. I bet that after he tricked her, he maniacally laughed while driving away. He’s worse than a cartoon villain.