It’s a damn good thing I’m not a woman looking for a good man, because my business card proudly states I’m a “Slut, Skeezer, Ho And Tramp-At-Large.”
Tyrese’s bald head has been firmly stuck up his ass for a while now. Tyrese thinks that the pile of mashed dumb in his head is a fountain of endless wisdom and enlightenment for women. Tyrese even wrote a relationship advice book with Rev Run and they hosted a talk show based on their book (the show got canceled). Some of Tyrese’s “greatest hits” include the time he said that Amber Rose dresses in a way that invites groping and that real men don’t take women with fake hair and silicone chichis seriously. Tyrese is back, and this time he’s telling women that God will send you what’s yours if you know your value (read: don’t pass that snatch around). Tyrese also thinks that sluts, skeezers, hoes and tramps (read: Dlisted’s main demographic, I love you) are lowering their value and partly because their coochies have a lot of miles. Don’t believe Tyrese about the coochie mileage thing? Check your coochie’s Kelley Blue Book price!
Puppy-saving human Redwood tree trunk The Rock dropped a beautiful blind item on Instagram yesterday when he went in on a chicken shit actor (or actors) who pissed him off more than seeing a number higher than 7% on a body fat calculator does. The Rock is finishing up shooting the 133,459th Fast & Furious movie, and in his goodbye note on Instagram, he praised his lady-co stars and also praised a few of his dude co-stars before taking an angry shit on unprofessional candy asses. And when The Rock shits on you, it leaves a bruise, because his turds have 12-packs and biceps.
This might come as a shock to you, but the dim dumb douche who got trolled hard by Amber Rose Tamblyn said some stupid shit in an interview the other day. Steam shower scientist Tyrese told AllHipHop.com (via HuffPo) that fat people are nasty and nasty fat people take hot showers so their bathroom mirrors will get steamed up and they don’t have to look at their fat nasty bodies.
AHH: What kind of responsibility do you feel as an entertainer, you have to inspire people to live healthier lifestyles?
Tyrese: No two situations are the same. If you are fat and nasty and you don’t like the way you look, do something about it. It’s simple.
When you take a shower and you put your fat, nasty body in the shower and by the time you get out, the mirrors are all steamed up so you don’t look at what you did to yourself. That may sound offensive or insensitive but ultimately, you are big as hell because you have earned that shit. You worked your ass off to eat everything in sight to get big as hell.
If you got a problem with the way you look, then you need to do something about it. Excuses sound best to the people that’s making them up.
This isn’t the first time Tyrese has called steam out for being a fat-shaming vapor. In 2009, he told Men’s Health that he’s thankful to steam, because it hid his fat body from him when he gained 50 pounds.
“How lucky is it that mirrors steam up after a hot shower? I didn’t have to look at what I’d done to myself.”
Steam: so THAT’S how it works. Tyrese just blew some scientific minds, because we now know why steam exists. Steam solely exists to cover up mirrors so we don’t have to look at our fat guts. The more we know.
Speaking of blown minds, you better put on your rain gear if you’re standing next to Tyrese, because if he has a mind, I’m about to blow it. If fat people smear a little shampoo on the mirror before a hot shower, they’ll be able to see their bodies afterward. I know, I think I just broke Tyrese.
Amber Tamblyn’s got a lot of spare time on her hands and thank EVERYTHING for that, because if she didn’t then she never would’ve fucked with Tyrese in the kind of prank that self-proclaimed prank master George Clooney only dreams of busting on a trick. Amber writes on her Facebook page (via Street Carnage) that it all started when Tyrese saw her name cc’ed on an email that one of their mutual friends sent out. This shit was destined to be, because Amber Tamblyn’s middle name is Rose and her email address is registered under Amber Rose. Tyrese thought Amber Rose was really hip hop concubine Amber Rose and emailed her hoping they can “work” on a music project together.
David Cross must be rubbing off on Amber Tamblyn in more ways than one, because she went all the way with that shit. Amber Tamblyn not only pretended to be Amber Rose, but she even sent Tyrese some priceless demos that “Amber Rose” is working on. Their entire conversation complete with the demos is after the jump. If you’re hungover, it will soothe you right. If you’re not hungover, it will still soothe you right. JUMP!
On Sat, Feb 25, 2012 at 9:04 PM, Tyrese Gibson wrote:
On this new album it’s whatever..
On Feb 26, 2012, at 10:16 AM, Amber Rose T wrote:
lol u are so sweet boo I’ve been trying to get this album goin for so long u know how it is. Attached is the single demo I’ve been workin on… not finished yet but soon! Thanks to u boo lol. I will send you more demos soon. You will have demos comin out ur demos!! lol
On Sun, Feb 26, 2012 at 10:55 AM, Tyrese Gibson wrote:
We can make it real …. I’m sitting on a lot of magic … Let me know when ur in LA .. We can play until we customize AR
On Feb 26, 2012, at 11:03 AM, Amber Rose wrote:
I like the way you think. The music is just temp tracks but the lyrics and songs are my babies. Attached is another one. I’m so happy you are feelin’ these! God Bless lol Love 4Ever
On Sun, Feb 26, 2012 at 11:21 AM, Tyrese Gibson wrote:
That song was not it … Not even remotely …. Just keepin it real
On Feb 26, 2012, at 11:29 AM, Amber Rose wrote:
Thank you so much for keepin it really real, T. That last one I was just messin around with. The first one I sent called Dancefloor Etiquette” is important to the feministical evolution and fourth wave movement of Woman-Beats and Girl-Music. Ya know? NEWayz, I will send more! Demos and demos lol….xA
On Sun, Feb 26, 2012 at 11:41 AM, Tyrese Gibson wrote:
Hit me now … ***.***.****
Amber Rose Wrote:
Sorry boo I would but my neighbors is really into exotic animals and I promised I would go over and see their new baby Ball Python.
On Wed, Feb 29, 2012 at 11:33 AM, Tyrese Gibson wrote:
What u on?
On Feb 29, 2012, at 12:43 PM, Amber Rose wrote:
On Wed, Feb 29, 2012 at 12:47 PM, Tyrese Gibson wrote:
Hit me when u land Pluto lady .. I got some shit in the stash Hope I’m not wasting my time ..
I got 6 hot ones for u ***.***.****
On Mar 1, 2012, at 11:23 AM, Amber Rose wrote:
Here listen to these 2 first…What do you think? Then we can talk. ON THE REAL talk.
On Thu, Mar 1, 2012 at 11:26 AM, Tyrese Gibson wrote:
That was trash …. Sorry .. At this point I don’t even believe this is Amber …. I’m cool …
Good luck on your career … One
On Mar 1, 2012, at 11:40 AM, Amber Rose wrote:
Wow…okay. Sorry you feel that way. To each his own I suppose. These do mean something to me. They are from my heart and I feel like there is an important message in each and every song. But okay, good luck on your career as well. OH AND BY THE WAY – For the record, this is really Amber.
Amber Rose Tamblyn
On Thu, Mar 1, 2012 at 11:47 AM, Tyrese Gibson wrote:
Didn’t sound like u on the songs
On Thu, Mar 1, 2012 at 11:47 AM, Tyrese Gibson wrote:
Here’s something ONLY YOU would know … One night we left what party..? And u dropped me off where..??
On Mar 1, 2012, at 12:00 PM, Amber Rose wrote:
I don’t know what you’re talking about. What party?
Amber Rose Tamblyn
Tyrese Gibson ************* to me show details 12:20 PM (46 minutes ago)
Joan of LOL tried to kiss the “feel really fucking stupid” part on Tyrese’s brain by adding this disclaimer:
Tyrese is a very sweet guy with good intentions who made a mistake and I, being an actress and engaged to a comedian, could not help myself. Tyrese, please accept my 87% hearfelt apology for stringing you along. I think we could have made beatufiul music together.
The only thing I have to add to this masterpiece prank is: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! From now, whenever I feel stupid (which is 98% of the time), I’m just going to say “Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson” before walking away.
Oh, and I also have to add that Amber Rose Tamblyn needs to put out an album, because that shit is better than anything the other Amber Rose has put out. Splits on your unibrow!