Beavis and Butthead’s crackhead Uncle Kid Rock has pulled a Tyler Perry and paid off all of the layaways at his local Nashville Walmart. I don’t know why I’m getting skinny Cousin Eddie emptying out his “shitter” into Clark Griswold’s storm water drain vibes from this story, but hey, it’s all in the spirit of Christmas.
Merry Christmas to the layaway users of two Walmarts in the Atlanta area! You have been blessed by the Christmas gods, honey! AKA: blessed by little-known movie mogul Tyler Perry. TMZ says that Tyler Perry became Santa Perry because he went out and bought gifts for all the poor people of the world… which in this economy is all of us.
Awards season is upon us, so it’s time to start worrying which of our “Golden Age” of Hollywood legends will be receiving honorary awards or presenting, so we can brace ourselves in case they have an advanced case of the olds. Sometimes there’s nothing to worry about as when 96-year-old Betty White showed she’s still got the magic when she came out at this year’s Emmy Awards. And sometimes it’s a painful, awkward, slog as when 101-year-old Kirk Douglas was wheeled out next to Catherine Zeta-Jones’ titties at The Golden Globes. Last night, The Academy of Motion Picture Art and Sciences held their annual Governors Awards and presented Cicely Tyson with an honorary Oscar for her life’s work. Cicely is 93-years-old, and proof that virtuous living and the regular application of moisturizer, can do wonders for your mind, body, and spirit.
One of the most lucrative and longest-running drag performance of herstory is coming to an end. Tyler Perry claims he’s ending his long-run as the queen of family reunions, cookouts, prison, witness protection, Halloween and Christmas: Mabel Earlene Simmons aka Madea. Our Lady of Hellur will fade into the glorious sunset sometime in 2019.
Geoffrey Owens Probably Isn’t Going Back To Trader Joe’s Anytime Soon, Because He Took Tyler Perry’s Job Offer
Things are looking up for Geoffrey Owens since pictures of him working at Trader Joe’s surfaced last weekend. Elvin from The Cosby Show had been minding his own damn business at work when some nosy nobody snapped some shots and Fox News and Daily Mail ran with the story. Geoffrey quit his 15-month-old job at TJ’s because of the attention. Geoffrey at first felt embarrassed and ashamed, but after a flood of support from fellow actors and the public, he’s turned the episode into a 10-episode stint on Tyler Perry’s hit show “The Haves and the Have Nots“.
According to TMZ, Geoffrey has accepted a role on the show after Tyler personally offered it to him via Twitter. Now, according to People, Nicki Minaj is trying to insert herself into the narrative by saying she wants to donate $25,000 to Geoffrey, which, if she had listened to his Good Morning America interview, she should know he won’t take and might even be embarrassed by the tone deaf offer.
Sorry guys, watches are cancelled. Clocks too (wall, desk, alarm, grandfather, cuckoo, all of them). Better go ahead smash your cell phone screen too while you’re at it because we will never have to look it them again. Taraji P. Henson made them all obsolete when she dressed for the premiere of her new Tyler Perry movie Acrimony and said “You know what, let me roll up in here wearing a suede bathrobe and let all this mother fuckers know what time it is”.
I really did plotz when I saw these pictures. Taraji poses like a beast! She’s got power pose after power pose on lock. The “who me?”, blam! The “this old thing?”, blam! The “You could never”, blam! The “Not today Satan!”, blam, blam! The “I’m gonna tear you up and spit you out, but fashion“, blam, blam, blam! Honestly, how dare she. When I try to pose it’s more like; “Potato”!, “Potato”! “Potato”! “Yam”! Tariji is daring you to find a flaw and if you do, it’s something wrong with your eyes, Sweetie.
I don’t normally go in for Tyler Perry’s “morality tale” movies but I might have to make an exception for this one. It looks more like a horror movie with Taraji running around looking like a sexy, wronged shark. I wouldn’t be too surprised if you told me that suede robe was made out of the bleached hide of a trifling man.