It feels like as soon as 2016 was born on January 1st at 12:01am, it dropped massive amounts of acid and has kept dropping massive amounts of acid, because bitch has taken us for a wild trip and the year isn’t even halfway over yet. Recently, 2016 gave us a bizarre Twitter fight about Hillary Clinton between grown person Debra Messing and fellow grown person Susan Sarandon (and Debra MESSing is still at it). Well, 2016 has once again gone over to the box marked “Random As Fuck Feuds” and randomly pulled out two names: Azealia Banks and Sarah Palin. The way that this year has been going, I fully expect to hear about a back alley knife fight between Emmanuel Lewis and Carrot Top before 2017 begins.
As many of you know, the Queen of the Bernie Bros, Susan Sarandon, caused some “Oh Here Go Hell Come” shit the other day when she said in an interview on All In With Chris Hayes that if it came down to Donald Trump vs. Hillary Clinton, some of Bernie Sanders’ supporters just wouldn’t be able to bring themselves to vote for Hillary. She wouldn’t say if she’d join those Bernie supporters who’d never vote for Hillary Clinton. Susan Sarandon also spilled this about Donald Trump, “Well, you know, some people feel Donald Trump will bring the revolution immediately. If he gets in, then things will really explode.” Some twisted Susan Sarandon’s words into: Susan Sarandon Will Vote For Dog Butt Zit Donald Trump If Bernie Sanders Doesn’t Get The Nom!
Many slapped at Susan Sarandon. Jamie Lee Curtis shook her head at her on Twitter, and so did Debra Messing. But Debra Messing didn’t only shake her head at Susan Sarandon. Grace Adler also Crisco’d up her face, took off her earrings, put razors in her hair, told Karen Walker to hold her purse and dipped her fists in glue and shards of glass. Debra Messing went on and on and on and on and on… and as of this morning, she’s still going.
When Kim Kardashian decided to channel her inner-Kanye and clap back at the naked-rubber-body-selfie haters on Twitter last week, she specifically went after three famous people: Piers Morgan, Bette Midler, and Chloe Grace Moretz. Piers was an obvious choice, since he loves getting into Twitter fights over boobies. Bette Midler was a bad choice, since I’m pretty sure it’s a federal crime to come for The Divine Miss M.
But the easiest decision Kim made was to come for the person who wasn’t exactly joking when they implied that she needs to put some clothes on, which was Chloe Grace Moretz. However, Chloe Grace Moretz is a little surprised that her tweet to Kim about women being more than their bodies was taken as shots fired. Chloe recently spoke to Elle and admitted that she definitely wasn’t trying to “slut shame” Kim. So if Kim thinks she was, that’s on Kim.
“All I’ll say is that I think a lot of things can be misconstrued in a lot of ways. And I think if people open their minds more, and they try to look deeper into something than just something that is a very big, hot, fiery button to hide behind…I think if people looked into something bigger that I was trying to speak upon, they wouldn’t be so easy to fire back silly, miscellaneous things.”
She also had some advice for the young women who are seriously considering taking a night school class to learn how to Photoshop their bodies into an emaciated peanut shape for their Instagram pictures.
“Depict yourself adequately as what you want to be seen as. Don’t front, don’t put something out there that you feel isn’t realistic and doesn’t portray who you are. Just be yourself, be you, and don’t be afraid to speak your mind.”
I hate to break it to Chloe, but that’s an awful lot of words for Kim to process. Especially since she has limited time for reading every day, and it’s usually reserved for reading the text messages her children send her via their nannies. Besides, all Kim is going to do is pick out the words that appeal to her most (probably “big” and “behind“) and mentally turn it into an ass-kissing compliment. “OMG Chloe, that’s so nice of you to say that about my butt. Thank yeeewwww.”