In news that is not shocking to anyone who has watched this show since the beginning, Revenge has been sent to the TV graveyard after 4 seasons. There were rumors that ABC may pick Revenge up for a shortened final season, but Entertainment Weekly says that’s not happening. The finale will air on May 10th. Revenge’s executive producer released this statement:
“We can officially tell our fans that this will be the end of the story. We’ve been talking to the network and we all just wanted to make sure that we felt very confident. Now that everybody has seen the finale—which is fabulous—everybody understands that as much as we all adore the show, it has hit exactly the mark it needed to to end. This is the series finale of Revenge that will be airing in a couple weeks.”
There’s another rumor that the ABC pilot The Kingmakers is a Revenge spin-off. Revenge’s writer/producer Sallie Patrick is the creator of The Kingmakers. Apparently, Revenge ends with a little cliffhanger, so some think that cliffhanger will pick up in The Kingmakers’ pilot episode.
This makes me a little sad, because I’ll miss screaming “When is this trick going to get revenge already?!” at the screen. I swear, that Amanda Clarke was trained in the ancient art of revenge or whatever and it still took her a million years to get revenge.
This season, they’ve been killing characters off and wrapping up storylines, so its death notice was practically on the wall. I figured it was over when (SPOILER ALERT) Victoria Grayson’s flesh and bones were scattered all over the Hamptons after she blew up in Grayson Manor. How can Revenge go on without Victoria Grayson judging everyone while wearing yet another tight, sleeveless cocktail dress?
While I patiently waiting for an all-lemur production of The Munsters starring Mary-Kate Olsen as Lily, Bryan Fuller (the creator of Pushing Daisies and Wonderfalls) and Bryan Singer (the director of The Usual Suspects and the first X-Men movies) are working on a complete reboot of The Munsters for NBC called Mockingbird Lane. They have already cast Eddie Izzard as Grandpa Munster, Mason Cook as Eddie, Charity Wakefield as Marilyn and now they’ve found their Herman Munster in Jerry O’Connell. This is where you put your obligatory “Khloe Kardashian was ROBBED” jokes.
Vulture read the pilot script and they say it’s really nothing like the original. The Double Bryans have taken The Munsters, removed its laugh track, lengthened it to an hour and injected it with a whole lot of silicone-infused drama. Bryan Fuller described their version as The Real Housewives of Transylvania and an American Horror Story for the entire family. NBC is calling it a “visually spectacular one hour drama.” So I guess that means we’ll see Eddie Izzard in a rubber suit and Lily Munster performing her single Tardy for the Funeral at Transylvania Gay Pride.
I will never forgive Bryan Singer for butchering the greatest show in the history of shows, Footballers Wives, by trying to do an American version of it. Bryan can right this wrong by casting Footballers Wives’ Tanya Turner as Lily Munster. Yeah, Tanya Turner as Lily Munster is bizarre, but so far everything about Mockingbird Lane sounds bizarre, so they might as well take the bizarreness all the way. I mean, don’t you want to see Lily and Marilyn get into it like this:
UPDATE: Deadline says Lorena from True Blood might play Lily.
America’s future President is trying to make up for Roseanne’s shit puddle of a final season by reuniting with John Goodman to make blue collar magic again. Deadline says that John Goodman (for some reason it feels wrong writing his first name only) is about to sign on to Roseanne’s NBC sitcom pilot called Downwardly Mobile. Roseanne will play the keeper of a mobile home park who is like a mother to everyone who lives there and John Goodman will play one of her best friends, so sadly it doesn’t look like they’ll be bumping fupas on the small screen again.
This news is like an extra star on my blue terry cloth moon robe. (Note: Am I high again or did Roseanne wear a blue terry cloth moon robe in almost every episode? I can’t find pictures of that shit.) Roseanne better keep the lottery out of this and she better find a place for Crystal Conner, because she’s in need of a major comeback. And don’t you miss the old days when Roseanne looked like Marilyn Whirlwind from Northern Exposure.
As Brandi Glanville cackles (or should I say “COCKles” so that prude asshole Kyle Richards can clutch her prayer cloth), I’m throwing a black veil over my Tivo box and mourning the loss of a TV show I was actually getting into. This is just like the time when my 15-year-old self and my neighbor were dry humping in the garage and just when things were about to go from PG-13 to NC-17, my mom tried to get in and screaming at me to stop blocking the door with the old sofa and let her in. This is just like that. NBC has busted into the garage and yelled at The Playboy Club to go back home and to stop rubbing on its son’s ass cheeks like that. They just had to ruin a good time.
This is what Entertainment Weekly has to say about The Playboy Club getting stuffed into an urn after only 3 episodes:
Playboy Club premiered to low ratings and then dropped for each of its three telecasts, with last night hitting only 3.4 million viewers and a 1.2 rating in the adult demo. Despite having relatively tame content, the show wasn’t helped by conservative group the Parents Television Council vehemently protesting the show. And sharp-eyed Playboy Club viewers got a hint last night something might have been up last night when NBC didn’t air a promo for a fourth episode.
NBC will fill the Monday night slot with repeats of new police drama Prime Suspect, which likewise needs some assistance in the Nielsen ratings. There are no plans to run off remaining Playboy Club episodes in another time period.
NBC has also given full life to Whitney and Up All Night by picking them up for the rest of the season.
Well, the good news is that Eddie Cibrian can stop thinking he’s network TV’s answer to Don Draper. My butch lesbian friend who has the thickest Spanish accent ever does a better Don Draper impersonation when she’s drunk than Eddie does when he’s sober. Bitch is more like Don DRABer. And the good news for Eddie is that at least he has LeAnn Rimes’ checking account to fall back on.
The History Channel told the 8-hour long Kennedys mini-series to eff off after Caroline Kennedy and Maria Shriver threatened to sic the NOT THE ONE spirit of Little Edie on them. The soil in Jacqueline Onassis’ grave remained untilled….until now. Several networks including Showtime shut down the Kennedys biopic starring Greg Kinnear and Katie Holmes, but something called a ReelzChannel has breathed life into it and will air the $30 million series this April. Just in time for April Fool’s! The CEO of this ReelzChannel place had this to say to People:
“We don’t enjoy controversy or want to pick a fight, but the history is the history. When you watch this, there are incredible successes and unbelievable tragedies. The family stays together and they’re loyal to each other and to the country throughout the highest highs and the lowest lows.
The cast put their heart and soul into this, and with great care to accuracy of circumstances and visuals. We’re so thrilled and proud of being able to step up and help this story be told that they so carefully created.”
It was either ReelzChannel, or the producers were going to dub it in Spanish, add a few face slaps and “LAGARTES” and sell it to Telemundo for a box of chicles.
And no, I still don’t know what a ReelzChannel is. Maybe I stumbled onto it one night and we never exchanged names, but I have until April to find it again!
The earthquake in Southern California yesterday was God’s way of warning Hollywood that they better do right by his personal angel Betty White at this morning’s Emmy Nominations. And they didn’t, so those bitches better stop, drop and roll. Oh wait, that’s what you do when a flame hops on your back. Well, they should do that anyways, because I won’t be surprised if a bolt of lighting (or an angry gay aka me) is headed their way.
Yes, Betty White received ONE LITTLE nomination for her triumphant performance on Saturday Night Live, but we all know she should’ve been nominated in EVERY SINGLE CATEGORY. Best Stunt Coordination? Betty should’ve been nominated! Best Technical Direction? Betty should be sitting in that category too.
Kanye West should be shouting about how the Emmys hate Betty White People. White Oprah should be issuing statements on how this is so unfair to do this to such an innocent child. While I organize the BOYCOTT THE EMMYS movement (not really), you can shake your fist or do the dick slappy dance at the nominees below. They are recognizing Christina Hendricks and her magnificent chichis, so I’ll give them that. The full list is here.
The Good Wife
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Curb Your Enthusiasm
OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)
Mariska Hargitay (Special Victims Unit)
Glenn Close (Damages)
Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
January Jones (Mad Men)
Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights)
OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Jon Hamm (Mad Men)
Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights)
Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad)
Hugh Laurie (House M.D.)
Michael C. Hall (Dexter)
Matthew Fox (Lost)
OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Lea Michele (Glee)
Tina Fey (30 Rock)
Toni Collette (The United States of Tara)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine)
Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie)
Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation)
OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)
Matthew Morrison (Glee)
Steve Carell (The Office)
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)
Tony Shalhoub (Monk)
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Chris Colfer (Glee)
Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)
Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family)
Jon Cryer (Two and A Half Men)
Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)
Ty Burrell (Modern Family)
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
John Slattery (Mad Men)
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad)
Martin Short (Damages)
Terry O’ Quinn (Lost)
Michael Emerson (Lost)
Andre Braugher (Men of a Certain Age)
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Sharon Gless (Burn Notice)
Christine Baranski (The Good Wife)
Christina Hendricks (Mad Men)
Rose Byrne (Damages)
Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife)
Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men)
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Jane Lynch (Glee)
Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live)
Jane Krakowski (30 Rock)
Julie Bowen (Modern Family)
Sofia Vergara (Modern Family)
Holland Taylor (Two and A Half Men)
OUTSTANDING REALITY SHOW (COMPETITION)
The Amazing Race
Dancing with the Has-Beens
OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Kristen Chenoweth (Glee)
Jane Lynch (Two and a Half Men)
Christine Baranski (The Big Bang Theory)
Elaine Stritch (30 Rock)
Tina Fey (SNL)
Kathryn Joosten (Desperate Housewives)
Betty White (SNL)
The above picture is from Betty’s new calendar which comes out in September. Proceeds go to the Morris Animal Foundation. I’m sure it will be nominated for a Pulitzer Award next year.