Your aunt Patty’s favorite show, Modern Family, is celebrating its 200th episode and contemplating the end of the road as it limps its way through its 9th season. And The Hollywood Reporter says that season 10 will probably be the last. That’s sad news for the ridiculously well paid cast. How will Ariel Winter afford the modesty pixels she has to carry with her at all times?
The trailer for season two of The Handmaid’s Tale is here and it looks like a real no fun bummer; but fashion. It’s a decent trailer but I kinda feel like I’ve seen it all before. For starters, they lost major points for originality by doing that thing they all do these days where instead of dialog there’s a slowed down, minor key version of an uptempo song and it makes me stabby. I want to snap the index finger off of whoever keeps plucking the same key on the piano over and over and over again. Your movie or television program is dark and twisty, WE GET it!
Here’s the trailer.
Like I said, it all seems very familiar. There are only so many times you can stick a camera on a drone to show ladies in red arranging themselves into the form of a pentagram, or whatever. Besides, Busby Berkeley already did it better. Also, there is something Elisabeth Moss does with her face and neck in the scene where she’s with her husband and daughter that I hate. She looks like she’s trying to swallow a frog. Here’s what I saw watching this:
The Martian, Planet of the Apes, that Mean Joe Green coke commercial, Pulp Fiction, The Remains of The Day, Citizen Caine, Cool Hand Luke, The Crucible, a Canadian remake of Born of the Fourth of July, Signs, Miller’s Crossing, that weird 1984 Mac commercial, The Girl on The Train, The Hunger Games.
That said, I enjoy most of those points of reference so I’m on board. I hope Elisabeth manages to hork up whatever it is that’s choking her.
Pic: Hulu via YouTube
In news that is not shocking to anyone who has watched this show since the beginning, Revenge has been sent to the TV graveyard after 4 seasons. There were rumors that ABC may pick Revenge up for a shortened final season, but Entertainment Weekly says that’s not happening. The finale will air on May 10th. Revenge’s executive producer released this statement:
“We can officially tell our fans that this will be the end of the story. We’ve been talking to the network and we all just wanted to make sure that we felt very confident. Now that everybody has seen the finale—which is fabulous—everybody understands that as much as we all adore the show, it has hit exactly the mark it needed to to end. This is the series finale of Revenge that will be airing in a couple weeks.”
There’s another rumor that the ABC pilot The Kingmakers is a Revenge spin-off. Revenge’s writer/producer Sallie Patrick is the creator of The Kingmakers. Apparently, Revenge ends with a little cliffhanger, so some think that cliffhanger will pick up in The Kingmakers’ pilot episode.
This makes me a little sad, because I’ll miss screaming “When is this trick going to get revenge already?!” at the screen. I swear, that Amanda Clarke was trained in the ancient art of revenge or whatever and it still took her a million years to get revenge.
This season, they’ve been killing characters off and wrapping up storylines, so its death notice was practically on the wall. I figured it was over when (SPOILER ALERT) Victoria Grayson’s flesh and bones were scattered all over the Hamptons after she blew up in Grayson Manor. How can Revenge go on without Victoria Grayson judging everyone while wearing yet another tight, sleeveless cocktail dress?
While I patiently waiting for an all-lemur production of The Munsters starring Mary-Kate Olsen as Lily, Bryan Fuller (the creator of Pushing Daisies and Wonderfalls) and Bryan Singer (the director of The Usual Suspects and the first X-Men movies) are working on a complete reboot of The Munsters for NBC called Mockingbird Lane. They have already cast Eddie Izzard as Grandpa Munster, Mason Cook as Eddie, Charity Wakefield as Marilyn and now they’ve found their Herman Munster in Jerry O’Connell. This is where you put your obligatory “Khloe Kardashian was ROBBED” jokes.
Vulture read the pilot script and they say it’s really nothing like the original. The Double Bryans have taken The Munsters, removed its laugh track, lengthened it to an hour and injected it with a whole lot of silicone-infused drama. Bryan Fuller described their version as The Real Housewives of Transylvania and an American Horror Story for the entire family. NBC is calling it a “visually spectacular one hour drama.” So I guess that means we’ll see Eddie Izzard in a rubber suit and Lily Munster performing her single Tardy for the Funeral at Transylvania Gay Pride.
I will never forgive Bryan Singer for butchering the greatest show in the history of shows, Footballers Wives, by trying to do an American version of it. Bryan can right this wrong by casting Footballers Wives’ Tanya Turner as Lily Munster. Yeah, Tanya Turner as Lily Munster is bizarre, but so far everything about Mockingbird Lane sounds bizarre, so they might as well take the bizarreness all the way. I mean, don’t you want to see Lily and Marilyn get into it like this:
UPDATE: Deadline says Lorena from True Blood might play Lily.
America’s future President is trying to make up for Roseanne’s shit puddle of a final season by reuniting with John Goodman to make blue collar magic again. Deadline says that John Goodman (for some reason it feels wrong writing his first name only) is about to sign on to Roseanne’s NBC sitcom pilot called Downwardly Mobile. Roseanne will play the keeper of a mobile home park who is like a mother to everyone who lives there and John Goodman will play one of her best friends, so sadly it doesn’t look like they’ll be bumping fupas on the small screen again.
This news is like an extra star on my blue terry cloth moon robe. (Note: Am I high again or did Roseanne wear a blue terry cloth moon robe in almost every episode? I can’t find pictures of that shit.) Roseanne better keep the lottery out of this and she better find a place for Crystal Conner, because she’s in need of a major comeback. And don’t you miss the old days when Roseanne looked like Marilyn Whirlwind from Northern Exposure.
As Brandi Glanville cackles (or should I say “COCKles” so that prude asshole Kyle Richards can clutch her prayer cloth), I’m throwing a black veil over my Tivo box and mourning the loss of a TV show I was actually getting into. This is just like the time when my 15-year-old self and my neighbor were dry humping in the garage and just when things were about to go from PG-13 to NC-17, my mom tried to get in and screaming at me to stop blocking the door with the old sofa and let her in. This is just like that. NBC has busted into the garage and yelled at The Playboy Club to go back home and to stop rubbing on its son’s ass cheeks like that. They just had to ruin a good time.
This is what Entertainment Weekly has to say about The Playboy Club getting stuffed into an urn after only 3 episodes:
Playboy Club premiered to low ratings and then dropped for each of its three telecasts, with last night hitting only 3.4 million viewers and a 1.2 rating in the adult demo. Despite having relatively tame content, the show wasn’t helped by conservative group the Parents Television Council vehemently protesting the show. And sharp-eyed Playboy Club viewers got a hint last night something might have been up last night when NBC didn’t air a promo for a fourth episode.
NBC will fill the Monday night slot with repeats of new police drama Prime Suspect, which likewise needs some assistance in the Nielsen ratings. There are no plans to run off remaining Playboy Club episodes in another time period.
NBC has also given full life to Whitney and Up All Night by picking them up for the rest of the season.
Well, the good news is that Eddie Cibrian can stop thinking he’s network TV’s answer to Don Draper. My butch lesbian friend who has the thickest Spanish accent ever does a better Don Draper impersonation when she’s drunk than Eddie does when he’s sober. Bitch is more like Don DRABer. And the good news for Eddie is that at least he has LeAnn Rimes’ checking account to fall back on.