Travis Barker Has Provided An Update On His Health Situation, And He Says He’s Doing Okay

Last week, a very scary thing happened to Travis Barker, which is saying something, considering the man notably survived a horrific multi-fatality plane crash in 2008. The Gomez to Kourtney Kardashian’s gated community Morticia was rushed to the hospital for an undisclosed reason. Later, we learned that Travis’ trip to the ER was reportedly caused by a case of pancreatitis, which was allegedly the result of a colonoscopy gone wrong (or at least, gone not 100% right). Enough time has passed that Travis feels comfortable speaking about the situation, and he says that everything is alright.

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Piers Morgan Has Been Accused Of Faking His Recent Hospital Stay

Piers Morgan recently posted a selfie in the hospital, leading to premature cheers from his detractors celebrating his impending demise. However, Piers is not deathly ill and claims he just has a little upset tummy wummy after eating a vegan sausage roll live on tellie. Since this is Piers we’re talking about, people are calling BS on his reasons for skipping class and going to the nurse’s office, as he’s been on an anti-vegan kick this month in protest of “Veganuary.” Strange issue for Piers to  choose as his latest soap box stance, but hey, stunt queens gotta stunt. Continue reading

Morrissey Has The Morrissey-iest Things To Say About Undergoing Cancer Treatment

Morrissey in the middle of a European tour and while talking to the Spanish newspaper El Mundo (via The Guardian) about his music and shows, he let it be known that he was treated for cancer after his doctors found cancerous tissue in his body. Since Morrissey is a human “Shit Happens And Then You Die” t-shirt hanging in a Hot Topic, he shrugged at cancer and said that if he dies, he dies. WHATEVER. Don’t expect some Fault Of Our Stars-like philosophy about cancer from Morrissey. Morrissey IS Rosa’s cancer treatment friend from Orange is the New Black:

“They have scraped cancerous tissue four times already, but, whatever. If I die, then I die. And if I don’t, then I don’t. Right now I feel good. I am aware that in recent photos of me I look somewhat unhealthy, but that’s what illness can do. I’m not going to worry about it. I’ll rest when I’m dead.”

Grumpy Cat’s idol added that he’s working on a novel right now and hopefully he can quit doing music and be a full-time writer:

“I’m now at an age when I should no longer be making music. Many composers of classical music died at 34. And I’m still here, and nobody knows what to do with me. With luck I will be able to stop singing forever, which would make many people happy.”

In the same interview, Morrissey goes full Morrissey by spitting on the British royal family, the Beckhams, bullfighting and King Juan Carlos for shooting an elephant during a big game hunt.

You know, I’m a little disappointed that Morrissey is throwing a “meh” at cancer. Morrissey hates everything and he never misses out on an opportunity to go on and on about how much he hates it. I expected him to tell cancer to eat shit and throw itself off of a cliff, and while it’s at it, take the British royal family, meat eaters, China, Jimmy Kimmel, the Duck Dynasty hillbillies, Paul McCartney, Elton John, Posh & Becks and (insert everything else that isn’t a vegan cat) with it.