A rumored third season of the confounding HBO show True Detective starring Mahershala Ali has been confirmed. Series creator Nic Pizzolatto will will write and co-direct with Jeremy Saulnier. With Mahershala attached, at the very least, there is potential for sex appeal and drama. But as we saw happen in season 2, well, there are still plenty of ways for them to fuck it up.
True Detective is (probably) coming back and it’s got a brand new face and that face is fine as hell. Mahershala Ali (Moonlight, House of Cards, Hidden Figures, Luke Cage) is in talks to star on the third season of the HBO drama.
As expected, HBO announced that Colin Farrell, the dirty piece we’d all hit even though his man chowder is probably the consistency of chunky nose snot, will play a detective in the second season of True Detective. HBO also made the entire Internet do the slow wall slide of NOOOOOOOO by announcing that Vince Vaughn and his fried puffed potato face will also star. Vince Vaughn is a perfect casting decision, because the answers to all of life’s greatest mysteries cling to the hairy branches of the weeping willow hanging out of his nose.
Deadline says that HBO also announced that Justin Lin (he directed a few of those Fast & Furious movies) will direct the first 2 episodes which start shooting in L.A. this fall. HBO also queefed up this riveting and highly detailed plot synopsis:
“Three police officers and a career criminal must navigate a web of conspiracy in the aftermath of a murder.”
Colin will play, Ray Velcoro, one of the three cops who’s torn between a corrupt police department and the mobster who owns his ass. Vince Vaughn will play career criminal, Frank Semyon (I’m going to pronounce that SEMEN, FYI), who’s afraid of losing his empire when his move into legitimate business is ruined by the murder of a business partner. Deadline says that Taylor Kitsch is pretty much set for one of the other cop roles and the other cop role, a chick, is still being cast.
Last Thursday, Rosario Dawson, Jessica Biel (WHY?!!!!), Abigail Spencer, Malin Akerman, Oona Chaplin, Jaimie Alexander and Brit Marling all read for the female lead in front of series creator Nic Pizzolatto. Keira Knightley is also being considered for a role, apparently.
The first season of True Detective starred Woody the Bartender from Cheers and the star of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and everyone had their tongues stuck to that show’s b-hole, so maybe Vince Vaughn will surprise everyone! Just to be safe, the director should make Vince Vaughn shoot every scene while eating an ice cream, because Vince Vaughn sucking off an ice cream is non-stop entertainment.
And judging by the casting so far, I’m guessing that True Detective season 3 will star Kevin James, Hooch from Turner & Hooch and legendary crime solvers Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. I wish.
Just when you think it couldn’t get any sexier than a beer-chugging backwoods Texas T-Rex and a wig-wearing Woody from Cheers, Colin Farrell has confirmed the rumor that he’ll be hustling the greasy Irish heat on the second season of HBO’s True Detective. Colin told Ireland’s Sunday World (via The Guardian) that he’s definitely involved, adding “I’m so excited.” Yes I just pictured him cry-screaming that like a pilled-up Jessie Spano. We all did, right?
Colin doesn’t say much about his character, like whether or not he’ll be forced to investigate all crimes shirtless and/or pantsless, but he did confirm that TD2 is moving from the swamps of Louisiana to the trashiest swamp of them all, Los Angeles (the Kardashians still live in L.A. right? Then it’s still technically the most active swamp in America):
“I know it will be eight episodes and take around four or five months to shoot. I know very little about it, but we’re shooting in the environs of Los Angeles which is great. It means I get to stay at home and see the kids.”
I have a thing for rough-looking dudes who are fighting a lifetime’s worth of personal demons, so I hope that the producers of TD2 really ride Colin hard and put him away wet like they did with Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson in the first season. Like maybe Colin’s character is haunted by the memory of something that causes him to snort bath salts and have messy casual sex in dirty gas station bathrooms? I mean…whatever, up to you guys.
Or maybe HBO will give Colin the same treatment they gave Justin Theroux in The Leftovers and make him bulge out in a pair of crotch-caressing sweatpants every episode. If these pictures of Colin going to a yoga class back in August are any indication of what to expect, I’d be ok with that. “We need to catch the seaside killer! But first, I need to stuff my loaf of Irish soda bread into a pair of cotton junk-huggers and go for a run.”
The recipient of the “Breakout Sexy Piece Of This Year’s Emmy Awards Award” is voted for by the Internet and this year it goes to the guy who helmed all of HBO’s occult-y cop show True Detective. His name is Cary Joji Fukunaga and he also won a Best Director Emmy last night! Congrats, Cary. You and your French braid had Twitter fanning its collective nethers all of last night. See, it’s ok to objectify a bitch as long as his ass isn’t spinning around on a platform and dating werewolves for publicity.