Remember how at the beginning of the month Pimp Mama and Demon Queen extraordinaire, Kris Jenner, teased Kylie Jenner‘s upcoming subplot on Keeping Up The Clock Ticking Down To The Apocalypse With The Kardashians when it was reported that Travis Scott was maybe cheating? Well honey, that storyline might have made it all the way from subplot to main stage, as sources are still whispering their demonic songs to TMZ who will listen to anyone with tea to spill on spawn from the hell-dimension. AKA: The Kardashians.
Someone please pass me a can of Raid so I can spray this story until it’s dead and gone for good. Because every time I hear about Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott‘s uninteresting “cheating scandal” I want to call the cops on them and have them locked away forever for wasting everyone’s time with this manufactured mess. Apparently, the “evidence” that Kylie found, which brought this substandard subplot into our lives, is the reason why Travis deleted his Instagram in the first place. Some thirsty THOTs slid into his DMs, and although he never showed his gratitude by sliding something into them, Kylie became so angered she was ready to throw their whole relationship into the trash (next to this storyline please). Well, that time is over now and things are so much better that Travis has re-activated his Instagram page.
The congealed, leftover Kraft Mac and Cheese storyline that is Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner‘s “cheating scandal” must be hard to sell to the fans because nobody really cares. True, the main course of the Kartrashian koven’s upcoming season lies within the drama between Khloe Kardashian, Kylie’s former guest house tenant Jordyn Woods, and dealer of disruptive dick Tristan Thompson. However, while that drama continues to heat up like a pot of greens Kylie’s is bland potato salad spoiling on the window sill. However, Travis has been making his rounds to keep people interested.
Because the EARTH-SHATTERING cheating allegations between Khloe Kardashian and Kylie Jenner’s former BFF Jordyn Woods is getting a lot of attention for the next season of Keeping Up With The Kartrashians, Kris Jenner is looking to capitalize on the hype by throwing another one of her children’s relationships under the bus. Though Kylie Jenner is already in the center of Khloe and Jordyn’s drama, Kris must have been thinking, “How can I make it even worse for her??”, because now there are allegations that Kylie’s boyfriend Travis Scott has apparently joined this Cheaters inspired storyline by allegedly passing his peen to another woman.
People is reporting that Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott may be planning on putting another demonic embryo inside a virgin human host and waiting for it to gestate before sacrificing their prisoner and placing the malefic energy into Kylie’s own womb for birth. …Or maybe they’ll just bang and she’ll get knocked up by accident again?
Tom Brady was probably clapping with two hands all giddy-like this morning, because Gisele Bundchen served him a very special victory cheat meal of organic, gluten-free, sugar-free, carb-free wheatgrass pancakes lightly sweetened with a hummingbird whisper for being a very good boy and winning his sixth Super Bowl. But while Tommy B and the other Patriots are happy about the game, many aren’t, because it was apparently as dull and lifeless as Tom Brady’s dead eyes. And a boring Super Bowl game got a just-as-boring halftime show that not even a pair of sweaty man nipples could save. You know you’ve redefined boring when even my hard-up-for-man-nipples slut ass doesn’t get even the slightest tingle in the loins over the sight of man nipples.