When anybody with at least half a working brain cell thinks of a “powerhouse power couple,” they probably think of Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente, Oprah and bread, Dolly Parton’s chichis, Charlie Hunnam’s ass cheeks, a squirrel and a condom, an over-used butt plug and saliva, a broken hairdryer and a blown out electric socket, and nearly every pairing in the world not named Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott. But because Pimp Mama Kris probably kidnapped the children of GQ’s editors and threatened to feed those kids to Khlozilla if they didn’t print these false declarations, they have called Kylie and Travis the world’s most powerhouse power couple. And for the cover, they threw a half-naked Kylie onto a fully-clothed Travis. To quote Miranda Priestley: “Groundbreaking.”
It’s Monday, so you know the Kardashian Klan are in the news for some stupid crap. And I’m the one here to tell you it. You’re welcome and I’m sorry. 20-year-old Kylie Jenner claimed in an Instagram comment that she’s a natural beauty now that she’s have all of her filler somehow removed. Take that, Keke Palmer! Continue reading
Because we as humans always focus on things that are highly importantly in this world, many have been spending their time on trying to figure out what Kylie Jenner named her new daughter. Kylie and her man Travis Scott (government name: Jacques Webster) are really into butterflies (he’s got a song called Butterfly Effect and they’ve got matching butterfly tattoos), so some figured that they’d give their child a butterfly name. Like Butterfly or Monarch or Mariposa (Spanish for butterfly). But instead of going that route, Kylie and Travis gave their daughter the name of a stripper who’s got a butterfly tattoo on her lower back.
When the news broke that Kylie Jenner had reportedly seen the two blue lines on her at-home pregnancy test, sources claimed that she’s four months pregnant with a girl. TMZ has thrown a juicy wrench into things by saying that Kylie is having a baby girl, but that she’s actually closer to five months pregnant. Kylie has been seeing her alleged baby daddy Travis Scott for about five months. It sounds like Kylie and Travis didn’t have to try very hard or for very long to make that baby.
There’s online speculation that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s mystery baby surrogate is none other than her little half-sister Kylie Jenner. Why doesn’t the Koven just skip these formalities and just merge together into a giant disgusting ball of taupe plastic and bake in the sun by one of their pools in Calabasas? They can set up some sort of webcam so the “fans” can check in on the Karjenner Ball now and then. Don’t hate me, I also nauseated myself with that one. Continue reading
The gossip maelstrom over last night’s report that kosmetics kween Kylie Jenner is allegedly carrying boyfriend Travis Scott’s baby has everybody in a tizzy. In addition to demonstrating how the Earth needs a life, it’s possibly causing her ex, living-beyond-his-means rapper Tyga, no end of sadness. Tyga got used to living in the silicone-d lap of luxury, what with the Karjenners enabling him to flip off his arch-enemy the repo man on the regular. Since Kylie dumped him, Tyga probably has to actually pay some car notes and start parking his rides at his mom’s house so they don’t get snatched back. He’s playing it cool though and making paternity “jokes” on Snapchat. You know he’s already tailgating at her house with an at-home paternity test in hand ready to hurl it at her car when it comes out of the gate. Continue reading