Conrad Hilton strut out of the clink just two weeks ago, and now his daddy’s got to clean up another mess he may have produced. And this latest mess involves drunk driving, barf and a broken bong. (Pour out some used bong water for that broken bong.) The current reigning pride of the Hilton family has been sued by a woman who claims that last May, 22-year-old Conrad crashed his daddy’s white Range Rover head-first into her car and was dazed, confused and covered with barf. Hmm… I guess Parasite Hilton’s one-time frenemy Lindsay Lohan taught a young Conrad Hilton how to drive.
I no longer think that Coldplay is about as edgy as a popped polo shirt collar on a suburban dad driving a bright green Camaro, because some hardcore shit went down at one of their shows over the weekend. It was more rock & roll than the time Chris Martin accidentally said a curse word during a backstage pep talk.
Coldplay played a show for SiriusXM at a bar called The Stephen Talkhouse in the Hamptons on Sunday and the place was filled with regulars who won a contest and famous tricks like Karlie Kloss, Goopy Paltrow, Sarah Jessica Parker, Beyonce, Jay-Z, Christie Brinkley, Jimmy Buffet, Harvey Weinstein, Calvin Klein, Jon Bon Jovi and professional shit stirrer/diet booze mogul Bethenny Frankel of The Real Drunk Mess of New York City. Since the Botoxed praying mantis seems to live her life like Bravo’s cameras are always on her, she caused a scene and committed a criminal act when she wasted the sweet nectar by throwing a cocktail at some chicks who annoyed her. That’s what Page Six says anyway.
Mel Gibson and Sean Penn have a lot in common. They’d both kick a baby bunny in its b-hole if it winked at them funny. They both keep their skin rotisserie crispy by lying on an extra long, commercial-grade grill (it’s their idea of a tanning bed). They can both make a blood pressure machine explode just by touching it. So it was only a matter of time before they got together for something, only I figured that they’d get together to tag-team a pap. But instead of doing that, they may do a movie together. For the sake of that movie’s crew, I hope that craft services serves plenty of Valium pie, Xanax casserole, Lexapro stew and a soufflé fluffy enough for them to lay their face on and silently cry into.
Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan publicly requested privacy regarding the infomercial steam cleaner-sized messy situation with her fiancé Egor Tarabsov. But she didn’t say anything about leaking typo-filled text messages threatening to kick her fiancé’s ass from her father. Lindsay, you’ve really got to be more specific when it comes to your family.
And no, I don’t mean that she polluted it by getting in it.
Not since that one king threw himself into the ocean after thinking that his son died while trying to kill a roided-up man bull (aka the Minotaur) has the Aegean Sea seen so much drama. Lindsay Lohan celebrated her 30th birthday in Mykonos, Greece last week, and no LiLo party is complete until she’s dragged out of that bitch kicking and spitting after getting into a fight with her piece. LiLo’s one-time employer The Sun says that my pick for Britain’s new PM and her Russian trust fund fiancee Egor Tarabasov got into a messy tussle in front of 70 guests (including her leech dad Michael Lohan, The Curious Case of Ali Lohan and Egor’s mom) at a beach club in Mykonos.
Teenage lipgloss peddler Kylie Jenner learned the hard way this week that it’s not enough to simply slap your name on a product to be able to call yourself a successful businesswoman. On Tuesday, it was reported that Kylie Cosmetics, Kylie’s line of overpriced lip shit, had received an F rating from the Better Business Bureau. According to the BBB, Kylie Cosmetics had generated 137 complaints from customers, which included security breaches, shipping problems, and nonexistent customer service. This would be the second time someone from the Kardashian/Jenner family put in a half-assed effort with their makeup company.