2005: “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” – Kanye West
2016: “Kanye West doesn’t care about black people.” – 2005 Kanye about 2016 Kanye
Back in the simpler times of 2015 when some of us were still innocent and naive and didn’t think that a dried-up butt plug dingle could actually become our overlord, Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian took a selfie with Hillary Clinton at a fundraiser given by Justin Bieber’s manager Scooter Braun. But while Kim continued to burp up her support for HRC and Black Lives Matter, Kanye has gone the opposite way. Kanye sharted up a post-election endorsement for Donald Trump and told black people to stop focusing on racism in this country. Hmm… Could it have something to do with the fact that headlines like, “Kanye Shits On Trump And Supports BLM,” wouldn’t get nearly as much attention as headlines like, “Kanye Loves Trump And Wants Black People To Stop Crying About Racism”? No, I’m sure it doesn’t. Kanye is sooooo not a living and breathing clickbait headline who spews out shit just to get his name trending on Twitter. Never!
Since Kanye West’s fashion line is full of overpriced minimalist zombie rags, I figured that his interior design aesthetic is the same and his house is as empty as his sense of humbleness and the only thing in there is a $980,000 custom-made Northern White Rhino suede sectional that’s been distressed with holes made by specially-trained Luna moths. But apparently, Kanye’s house was filled with a bunch of really expensive furniture until one day he sashayed in, felt the sting in his eyes from the ugliness of it all and did what you did when you watched his video for Famous: HEAVED!
Those tapes of Donald Trump spewing out verbal snot while on the set of Celebrity Apprentice may never touch the ears of the public, but that isn’t stopping staffers from anonymously spilling shit out to the media. Several employees of the Celebrity Apprentice claim that the flambéed glob of dick curd regularly made fun of Marlee Matlin for being deaf and even dared to shit talk about one of Pimp Mama Kris’ kin.
As expected, Billy Bush has tapped into the ring with NBC and is holding the Peacock down while trying to punch as many dollars out of that bitch as possible. Billy has reportedly been fired by NBC and the two sides are currently negotiating his exit from Today before they make any announcements. And part of that “negotiating” involves using the media to spit at each other. Page Six reports that Billy has hired a high-powered Grossman to help him fight NBC and no the gross man is not Donald Trump. Billy has hired Los Angeles lawyer Marshall Grossman to help him in his battle against NBC. Marshall has already gotten to work and shanked at NBC by saying that if Billy didn’t play along with Trump, he’d be grabbing pussies… at PetCo while working as a part-time cat groomer. Because NBC would’ve fired him.
And no, I don’t mean that Blac Chyna texted Rob’s krush Kim Kartrashian to ask her what she’s wearing right now.
Last night, Blac Chyna did something that totally wasn’t planned out by the producers of her and Rob Kartrashian’s E! shit show. Angela Kartrashian took a page out of Rob’s “How To Get Attention For Your Thirsty Ass With One Simple Tweet” by tweeting his number to her thousands of followers. I’d like to think that after Blac twatted that out, she, Rob and the producers all sat around waiting for his phone to blow up, but all they got were the sound of crickets and one text from the local Domino’s confirming that his nightly standing order is on its way.
And yes, it was an even bigger disaster than Kylie Jenner’s bleached mop, which makes her look like KimBot 2.0.
Don’t ever try out to be a model in one of Kanye West’s fashion shows. You’ve probably made that mental note already, but make it again. Because you do not want Kim Kartrashian’s rubber alien mask face to be the last thing you see before you die of heatstroke. Kanye’s Yeezy season 4 show was held on Roosevelt Island in NYC today, and just like last season’s show, he had a bunch of models standing around for a long time. But since they were outside for hours and it was over 85 degrees in NYC today, some couldn’t take the heat and did what Pimp Mama Kris does when one of her hos jokes about hating fame: they passed out.