Angelina Jolie And Her Prosthetic Cheekbones Are Back In The Teaser Trailer For “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil”
Angelina Jolie’s vindictive demon hell-bent on revenge is back! “Pfft, some might say she never left” scoffed Brad Pitt to himself, I’m sure. Disney released the first official teaser trailer for Maleficent 2 yesterday. As we already knew, it’s actually called Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, which still sounds like a less-interesting, lawsuit-dodging rip-off of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. Now we get to see Angelina’s Maleficent in action once again. Careful you don’t cut yourself on those cheekbones, they’re just as sharp as you remember.
Riddle me this: What’s blue and white, has weird people teeth, and should have stayed in the 90’s? WRONG! It’s not Will Smith’s Genie. It’s Sonic The Hedgehog! Although I am sure that not a single, solitary person alive on planet earth asked for it, we’re getting a feature length, live-action movie about a SEGA video game character whose primary character trait is that he’s a fast runner.
For the first time in furstory, RuPaul needs to tell both Mufasa (James Earl Jones) and Scar (Chiwetel Ejiofor) to sashay away. The time came for them to lipsync for their lives, and they both fucked it up. In the first full-length trailer for Disney’s “live-action” remake of The Lion King, it’s impossible to tell what is a voiceover and what is supposed to be coming out of them critters’ mouths. Sorry, Disney. This is not an improvement. I honestly think they’ve made a grave mistake. None of this looks right to me. In the original, Simba smiled to express joy. You cannot have a realistic lion smile, it would be positively ghoulish. So they’ve all got weird, stiff mouths and they should have kept their veils on.
It looks the next season of HBO’s Crashing is going to be a bit darker than seasons past. In the first trailer for Todd Phillips’ standalone origin story, simply called Joker, Joaquin Phoenix stars as Arthur Fleck, a down-on-his-luck comedian who despite the occasional set back/beat down, doggedly pursues his dreams of stardom. If, from what you’ve read of him, you’ve already pictured Joaquin looking wrung out in saggy, grey tighty whities dancing alone in his bathroom, then there won’t be anything new to see here. Also appearing in the trailer are Frances Conroy as Arthur’s probable future matricide victim, Zazie Beetz as a woman who should have swiped left, and Brian Tyree Henry as Suspicious Black Man #1.
Lindsay Lohan would probably tell you that in her new film (she will absolutely call it a film instead of a movie), she plays a wealthy, femme fatale/politician’s wife who’ll do whatever it takes to protect her man and in doing so, the entire European Union. In reality, her new movie, Among The Shadows, stars a budget Kate Beckinsale as a detective named Kristy Wolfe with a secret she’d do anything to protect. Her secret. She’s a werewolf. So, anything other than changing her name I guess.
Boy oh boy, Debra Tate, Sharon Tate’s sister, hit the nail on the head when she expressed concern over the upcoming dramatizations of Sharon’s murder, calling them “classless and exploitative”. And she was doubly right about the Hilary Duff led project titled The Haunting Of Sharon Tate being “Tacky, tacky, tacky.” Judging by the just-released trailer, I think it’s safe to say that while Hilary may be good at something (passive aggressive neighbor disputes? Cannibalism?), handling the very serious, gruesome murder of a young woman and her unborn child with a modicum of reverence is not one of them. Hilary claimed on Instagram to have spent two whole weeks filming this thing and it shows. It looks like a legitimately scary Muppet movie made on a budget.