Lindsay Lohan would probably tell you that in her new film (she will absolutely call it a film instead of a movie), she plays a wealthy, femme fatale/politician’s wife who’ll do whatever it takes to protect her man and in doing so, the entire European Union. In reality, her new movie, Among The Shadows, stars a budget Kate Beckinsale as a detective named Kristy Wolfe with a secret she’d do anything to protect. Her secret. She’s a werewolf. So, anything other than changing her name I guess.
Boy oh boy, Debra Tate, Sharon Tate’s sister, hit the nail on the head when she expressed concern over the upcoming dramatizations of Sharon’s murder, calling them “classless and exploitative”. And she was doubly right about the Hilary Duff led project titled The Haunting Of Sharon Tate being “Tacky, tacky, tacky.” Judging by the just-released trailer, I think it’s safe to say that while Hilary may be good at something (passive aggressive neighbor disputes? Cannibalism?), handling the very serious, gruesome murder of a young woman and her unborn child with a modicum of reverence is not one of them. Hilary claimed on Instagram to have spent two whole weeks filming this thing and it shows. It looks like a legitimately scary Muppet movie made on a budget.
The teaser trailer for Disney’s latest minimal effort cash grab, the live-action remake of The Lion King, rolled out yesterday while many of us were busy eating animals. Which is alarming if you think about it. Here’s Disney, trying to get us invested in the inner lives of talking birds and shit, as we’re feasting on the carcasses of their brethren. The sick fucks.
There’s a new “special look” trailer for the upcoming Mary Poppins Returns, and in it we learn that Mary is a dangerous sociopath hellbent on delivering the Banks children straight to hell. First she tries to drown them in a tub full of acid, then she enlists a dolphin army to do unspeakable crimes to them. When that doesn’t do the trick, Mary repeatedly tries to shoot the innocent youths directly into the sun by various means. This is Emily Blunt at her most sinister.
That tricky bitch Mary Poppins is back to terrorize a new pack of impish waifs in the full length trailer for Mary Poppins Returns starring Emily Blunt as an umbrella wielding lunatic and Lin-Manuel Miranda as a guy who doesn’t think twice about playing with strange children in the park. This holiday season is going to be seriously twisted.
There’s a trailer out for the Julian Schnabel directed Vincent van Gogh biopic called At Eternity’s Gate starring Willem Dafoe. Finally, Americans will have an answer to the age old question: is it pronounced van Go or van Goff? Have you been walking around saying “Van Go” like an unsophisticated colonial rube your whole life, or have you been putting a little English on it and pronouncing it “Van Goff” like a continental rube your whole life? Here’s the trailer which also stars Danish snack Mads Mikkelsen as a priest (yes, Father I have sinned. I’m sinning myself as we speak), and American snack Oscar Isaac as Polynesian titty aficionado Paul Gauguin.