Patrick Schwarzenegger Really Knows How To Pick ‘Em

That title doesn’t have any coat of sarcasm on it. I mean it. Patrick Schwarzenegger really knows how to pick his pieces. Here’s the Austrian German Irish twinkie wearing an outfit from Urban Outfitters’ “Preppy Gays Going To Coachella” collection while struttin’ around St. Tropez with his girlfriend Taylor Burns. No, Patrick is not dating Taylor, because he’s already used to screaming the name “Taylor.” I’m guessing that Patrick is dating Taylor because of her nickname. UsWeekly says that Taylor’s nickname is:

TOOTSIE BURNS!

Hell, even I, who is gayer than John Travolta’s rainbow-colored anus ring, would date a girl if her name was TOOTSIE BURNS! Tootsie Burns sounds like the name of a baby that Tootsie and Mr. Burns made in the basement bathroom of a disco in the 1960s. Then that baby went on to become the biggest and most popular singer on the bathhouse circuit in the 1980s. I mean, how can you say the name Tootsie Burns without saying the words, “The Continental Baths are proud to present the only and only….” before it?

Pics: FameFlynet, Bauer Griffin