Denizens at the Ecuadorian embassy in London are probably planning a celebratory luncheon today, and for once, won’t have to worry about the leftovers disappearing. Any leftover cake can safely go into the office fridge because the world’s most notorious lunch thief, Julian Assange, was evicted today, kicking and screaming as he was arrested by British authorities. And his good friend Pamela Anderson is mad. Big mad.
Something is eating Zayn Malik and he’s letting out his frustration on the Internet. Zayn hopped on his Twitter account a couple of days ago and let loose about… something, it’s not really clear what. But it is clear he’s mad. And do go assuming that it’s his ex-girlfriend Gigi Hadid, because that will only piss him off more! Continue reading
Have you ever been to the airport and things didn’t go as smoothly as you’d hoped? Yes? Me too! Oh my god, we have so much to talk about! Don’t you just hate it when you’re flying first class and your flight’s delayed and the gate agent won’t let your enormous carry-on have its own seat but lets other ECONOMY people on the plane with their carry-on bags that actually do fit in the little sizer thing? All because they either hate women or your TV show for which you get paid $450,000 per episode? What are you supposed to do, check your precious bag like a commoner? It’s so unfair, isn’t it? I don’t know about you but I can super relate to the plight endured by Mayim Bialik at the hands of her oppressor, United Airlines, as she tried to make a connecting flight to Houston.
You wouldn’t think Terry Crews would ever have to prove he’s the bigger man in any situation. I mean just look at the size of him! But he’s been doing it all the same, over and over again on Twitter by championing the cause of victims of sexual assault and tackling toxic masculinity head-on. I didn’t mean to make a sportsball reference, but since Terry used to play in the NFL, I’m going to let it stand. Ever since Terry filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against talent agent Adam Venit during the peak of the #metoo movement, some spectacularly ashy individuals have been coming at him from all directions, mocking him, and challenging his masculinity. And he’s fighting back.
Ja Rule and Shaggy are going to go on tour together and I’ve got tickets to sell you! $500 gets you the full VIP experience, only Shaggy’s going to drop out the night before, and the concert is just Ja Rule standing on a rickety stage lip-syncing It Wasn’t Me for his life. That’s kind of what’s happening in the wake of the twin Fyre Festival documentaries, Fyre Fraud and Fyre: The Greatest Party That Never Happened that aired on Hulu and Netflix respectively over the weekend.
Do not come for Dick Van Dyke. Piers Morgan learned that lesson the hard way when he #tooktotwitter in an attempt to mock the 92-year-old legend, and now he’s dead. Dick killed him with a single look. Piers took a lame stab at a joke that Dick has probably heard no fewer than 8 million times (that’s roughly the same number of people who would be willing to sign a petition to have Piers replaced on Good Morning Britain) but gave it his own repugnant spin. Dick responded with a photo of himself giving the same expression most everybody makes when the hear the name Piers Morgan.