The One Where Marc Cherry Said Tony Parker Must Be Gay If He’s Marrying Eva Longoria

Remember when Nicollette Sheridan dropped a lawsuit in the lap of Marc Cherry, the creator of Desperate Housewives, claiming that he wrongfully terminated her ass? Nicollette then tried to paint Marc as a goat-footed, wheezy old queen (copyright: Alec Baldwin) by claiming that he once took her to the side to slap some respect into her mouth after she back talked him during a scene. Well, that lawsuit is far from over and Nicollette is still trying to make everyone believe that Marc is the cherry on top of a cunt sundae.

TMZ got a hold of new court documents where Nicollette says that at Eva Longoria and Tony Parker’s wedding, Marc pursed his lips, hiked up his double-stuffed chest balls, and yanked the veil off of Eva’s head with a cuntified comment.

In the declaration, Nicollette claims, “I was present at Eva Longoria’s wedding to Tony Parker, when Mr. Cherry commented that ‘Tony must like boys, because he is marrying this — this little, small girl with no tits and — that looks like a boy.'”

Really, Nicollette?! This is the desperate shit you’re coming to the table with? This only makes me want to sit next to Marc Cherry’s bitter bitch queen ass at a wedding. Every day is bitch day to Marc, even on the bride’s day. Just think of all the comments he’d make about the maid of honor’s dress while we both wrap pieces of cake in aluminum foil to take home and eat on our kitchen floor as we cry about being FOREVER ALONE!

Tony Parker Files For Divorce In Texas

Tony Parker is showing Eva Longoria that she’s not the only ho who can file papers to legally quit a bitch. When Eva made a move to remove Tony’s shifty peen from her life forever by filing for divorce in Los Angeles, there were rumors that she talked him out of filing in Texas. Tony said “no no no no no” to that shit, but look who just dropped his own highly important documents into the divorce box in Texas. Ken Paves better hold a splatter guard in front of his precious face, because shit is getting messy messy messy.

TMZ says that Tony probably filed in Bexar County, Texas, because it takes less time to finalize divorces over there. A CA divorce can drag on for centuries, but in Texas they squeeze their cheeks and cut that shit in about 60 days. In Eva’s papers, she mentions that there’s a prenup in place and that she wants spousal support from Tony, but his documents only state: “Petitioner believes Petitioner and Respondent will enter into an agreement for the division of their estate.”

As for the reason why their marriage is throwing itself in front of a fast-moving train, Tony says in the documents: “The marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities between Petitioner and Respondent that destroys the legitimate ends of the marriage relationships and prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation.”

Translation: They are both sick of Eva having to perform the “Smell Yo Dick” check every time Tony comes home.

You know, Tony has a face like a cartoon villain so I’m not surprised that he’s pulling some sneaky moves. Seriously, Tony probably perked up his “I’ll git you my pretty” eyebrow and stroked his imaginary curly moustache when he filed those papers in Texas. And it’s just beginning! I swear, this is going to end with Eva and Tony hanging onto the giant chandelier in the foyer of their mansion. I can’t wait!