Tom Hiddleston may have almost collapsed his lungs when he breathed out a cyclone of relief after his contract with Taylor Swift expired, but well, he once again found himself getting upstaged in a picture by a blond bitch. Tom knows it too. If that isn’t a “Fuck me, this again” face, I don’t know what is.
Tom Hiddleston lost the Best Actor in a Limited Series Emmy to Courtney B. Vance last night, but he probably doesn’t care, because he may have won a new partner in PR foolery who will hit the pap stroll with him and make us all forget about the level 10 embarrassing shit he did with his last partner in PR foolery. We will never forget, Tom!
That random umbrella-holding hand has a better chance of getting thanked in Tom Hiddleston’s Emmy acceptance speech, which he will absolutely be giving, than Taylor Swift does. Actually, if Tom really wants to stick it to Taylor, he would make a special point of thanking umbrella hand. “…and lastly, I can’t forget to mention my paparazzi posing partner – umbrella hand, this one’s for you! We did it buddy!”
Six seconds after Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston decided not to renew their short-term contract, I mean, breakup, both of their PR teams stopped playing nice and prepared for battle. They took off their earrings, pulled their hair back and stretched the finger they’d need to call UsWeekly, TMZ, Life & Style, The Sun, The Daily Mail and all the other tabloid tricks out there. Taylor and Tom’s PR teams probably went from texting each other heart-shaped emojis while planning their clients’ next photo-op location to shanking at each other through the tabloids. It’s war!
The publicist of every famous and single white dude out there is pissed today. They were planning to ease into the work week after the long holiday, but now they can’t since they’ll have to spend all day sending head shots of their clients to Taylor Swift’s PR team, because she’ll need a new photo-op partner now that she and Tom Hiddleston are over! As the cherubs prepare to fly themselves into the sun since the meaning of “genuine love” is forever dead, we need to prepare our eye-rolling muscles since a new album is probably coming soon. I, for one, can’t wait for the track titled “This Our Swan (Pastry) Song.”
Go ahead and forget about the barf bag you were preparing to keep within arm’s reach while watching the Emmy Awards later this month. The Daily Mail says that the red carpet display of real love starring Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston might not actually happen. Hell, their whole relationship might stop happening, because according to sources, Taylor suspects that Perfect Boyfriend Tom might be – GASP – using her for publicity. Someone using Taylor for publicity? How dare they! Exploiting people for publicity is her thing.