As hard as it is to fathom, we’re approaching two years since our eyes were served a heaping pile of “DA FUQQQQQQQ?” when Tom Hiddleston popped up to Rhode Island’s top event of the year (Taylor Swift’s not-so-annual 4thof July party, duh) wearing a “I Heart T.S.” tank top. It sounds like Bucky Barnes was worried, y’all! Continue reading
A fresh glimpse of a shirtless Chris Hemsworth is probably the best part of this story. Marvel took a huge infodump (how nicely put) at San Diego Comic-Con this weekend. They debuted the new trailer for Thor: Ragnarok (aka Chris Hemsworth Has A Better Haircut And Remains A Thirst Trap), showed the first image of Brie Larson as Captain Marvel, and announced who would be playing the part of the FIRST Wasp in Ant-Man and the Wasp. It’s kind of a big name. I hope she sings “Cool Rider” in the movie to distract me, because I can only take so much of Paul Rudd’s “I’ll always be funnier than you” smirk. (And if you figured out who the actress in question is because of that song title, we are friends til’ the end.) Continue reading
Taylor Swift Started Hanging Out With Her New Boyfriend About A Month After She Was Done With Tom Hiddleston
A whole month? That must be some kind of record for Taylor Swift. We’re slowly learning more (aka Taylor gave her publicist the go-ahead to release additional details) about Taylor Swift and her current piece of the moment, British actor Joe Alwyn. Last week we were introduced to the latest boy whose name Taylor has been writing inside her diary. Tay Tay and Joe Joe have been secretly dating for a few months, and she did the not-at-all-creepy thing of renting a house near his parent’s house in London. Now a source is telling People magazine when they got together.
Penis objectification denouncer Michael Fassbender is out shilling the new Alien: We Really Gotta Stop Just Standing There And Waiting For The Facehugger To Leap Out Of The Egg And Suck On To Our Mugs flick.
Michael, who plays his Prometheus android character as well as another identical android in the new Alien, says that he’s mistaken for Tom “I ♥ T.S.” Hiddleston all the time. The Daily Telegraph (via The Daily Mail) reveals that Michael says he feels that he’s much hotter than Tom. Of course he’s sexier, he’s never been with Taylor Swift. The mark of Tay Tay messes with a guy’s hotness.
And he feels the comparisons are faulty. They’re faulty because he’s young, hot Magneto and gets blown by guys in movies! Let’s see Loki and his stupid horns do that. AND, he probably has a bigger penis. We’ve all seen that cock of the walk he did in Shame (Tom’s Tumblr nation is going to find me for that one).
“Happens all the time,” he joked.
“I can see the similarities, but I’m better looking than him,” he added with a laugh.
Damn right! You don’t have to stick the laugh in there just to make like you’re joking so Tom will feel better. He’ll be fine. After all, he singlehandedly saved South Sudan, so he always got that accomplishment to fall back if he’s having trouble landing ladies. Girls like a humblebragger, right?
Other reasons why Michael > Tom? He’s never worn a I ♥ A.V. Club tank top. If this were Studs, I’d totally be the 1990s girl in the spandex sheathe minidress with the crispy bangs that chooses you, Michael.
Brie Larson won a lot of Best Actress awards last year for Room, so this year she got the job of presenting Best Actor at a few award shows. Casey Affleck won many Best Actor awards this year. Brie had to say Casey’s name twice and when she did, she did it with the least amount of enthusiasm as possible. I’ve seen STD results delivered with more oomph. Brie’s excitement level was set to “I’d Rather Be At The DMV On A Monday Morning” when she handed Casey the Golden Globe, and she didn’t clap when he won the Oscar. Brie meant to do all that.
Tom Hiddleston is doing the rounds to promote the Khloe Kardashian origin movie, Kong: Skull Island, and since he spilled his feelings about the Taylor Swift shit in a hilarious interview with GQ, he has been asked about her. At one point it seemed like Tom Hiddleston’s official job title was “Taylor Swift’s PR Stunt Partner,” but now one of the thirstiest hos on the stroll wants everyone to respect the “privacy please” sign that is hanging on his door.
Both The Telegraph and Savannah Guthrie of Today asked Tom about Taylor, and he said that his private life is private. The paparazzi must be so confused now. If they should ever receive an “anonymous tip” saying that Tom Hiddleston is currently burning his “I Heart T.S.” tank top in a bonfire outside of Taylor’s Rhode Island mansion, do they show up or is Tom’s publicist just cock teasing them?