Category: Tom Brady

Tom Brady Thinks You Can Avoid Sunburn By Drinking Water

November 1, 2017 / Posted by:

Um….ok, let’s just hear what he’s got to say before going in, shall we?

NFL higher being and country club integrationist (dumb pro jocks and haughty, opinionated supermodels were finally afforded the same rights as blacks, Jews, and women!) Tom Brady recently released a lifestyle tome – The TB12 Method: How to Achieve a Lifetime of Peak Performance. One of his book’s many kernels of advice to fanboys who aspire to Teutonic football greatness is that you don’t need sunscreen. Despite the fact that sunburn can occur in 15 minutes and melanoma is a clear and present danger, Tom thinks that all you need to do is drink gallons of water and your body will just begin rejecting harmful UV rays? Wait, WHAT? Continue reading

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The Mooch Says Tom Brady May Have Skipped The White House Because Of Ivanka Trump

September 20, 2017 / Posted by:

Anthony Scaramucci was on TMZ Live the other day, because even assholes need paychecks in the face of nuclear war and the world going to shit, anything  goes. The Trump White House unemployment line is forming outside the gates of Hollywood, and I can’t wait to see Steve Bannon pop up as a cashier at DASH.

The Mooch knows he’s only good to Harvey Levin for White House gossip and since we all know his thoughts on Reince Preibus, he had to talk about Trump’s favorite gal pal. No, not Ann Coulter. I’m talking about Tom Brady. Continue reading

Snooty Boston Country Club Finally Admits Tom Brady And Gisele Bundchen

July 17, 2017 / Posted by:

The Boston YMCA can rest easy tonight: Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen’s names will no longer be stinking up the wait-list to use the NordicTrack after work, because the Boston Globe reports their application to join the (*cue Robin Leach voice*) verrrrry exclusive and verrrry Brahmin The Country Club in Chestnut Hill, MA has been accepted.

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At Least Someone Did Herself Up In The Theme! 

May 2, 2017 / Posted by:

Every year, there’s always a giant chunk of celebrities at the Met Gala who completely wet fart on the theme and go with their own, which is usually: Rejected Dresses Leftover From Awards Season. Even Anna Wintour showed up to this year’s Met Gala in some dusty dress that Carol Channing definitely wore a million times better in the 1960s (see: Anna Wintour in the gallery below looking like a sad lamp from Liberace’s least favorite guest room). While watching the Vogue live feed of the Met Gala last night, some bland, I forgot who, said something about how she wanted to be comfortable. Bitch, if you want to be comfortable, stay at home in your sweats and t-shirt and watch the live feed while sitting on your futon like the rest of us do! You’re doing the Met Gala completely wrong if it doesn’t take six assistants, a registered nurse, a long plastic hose, a thing of KY and a janitor with a mop to help you piss.

But in last night’s sea of basic (see: the sea of basic in the gallery after the cut), there were a few bright spots of fuckery who actually paid attention in class when the theme was given. Enter: RiRi!

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Gisele Bundchen Says Tom Brady Is Not Allowed To Talk Politics Anymore

November 10, 2016 / Posted by:

On election eve, Donald Trump bragged at a rally in New Hampshire that his “great friendTom Brady voted for him. This was news to Tom, who claimed he hadn’t voted yet. When asked on social media if she and her husband were Team Trump, Gisele Bundchen responded with a loud “NO.” Things at the Bundchen-Brady home must have been a really awkward during their usual dinner of blanched celery leaves that night, because Tom says he’s not allowed to talk about politics anymore. Politics, please take your place with sugar, coffee, strawberries, and everything else that’s not allowed anywhere near Tom Brady’s mouth.

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