There’s a blizzard today in Boston, and it’s probably from the cold day in hell drifting upwards. Cold day in hell? It must be, since Our Lord Tom Man Uggs Hold The Strawberries Brady broke his diet on TV with Stephen Colbert last night. Tom managed to toss back a strawberry AND a pint of beer. Hoo, boy. You know Gisele Bundchen made him take down a belt when he got home so she could whoop his ass.
Tom Brady fans probably came up with a million ways to convince themselves that last Sunday’s Super Bowl loss wasn’t Tom Brady’s fault. Tom accidentally ingested a strawberry and it made him temporarily forget what a football was, maybe. According to USA Today, Gisele’s reported explanation to her kids was that the Eagles hadn’t won “in a million years” and that sometimes you have to “let someone else win” because “sharing is caring.” Gisele says she didn’t mean it like that.
It’s a good thing it isn’t below freezing in Boston today because everyone’s tears from the Patriots loss in the Super Bowl would have turned this place into a Kmart version of the Frozen set. The Philadelphia Eagles got their first Super Bowl win last night at the expense of Tom Brady and the rest of the New England Patriots. While most people were focusing on the commercials, the game, or anything that wasn’t Justin Timberlake, a few of us were keeping tabs on what Tom’s ladies, past and present, had to say about the game. Don’t worry. They had thoughts. Continue reading
The internet has been known to have many feelings about a parent kissing their young child on the lips, so buckle up.
Normally Boston does nothing but fart out roses (and baked beans) for Tom Brady, and a local radio station learned the hard way what happens if you come for the Haus of Brady. No, it doesn’t mean Mama Gisele Bundchen flings half her macrobiotic lunch box in your face. It means Tom will huff and puff and hang up on the radio hosts of his weekly call-in. Continue reading
BREAKING IMPORTANT NEWS: For the second time this year (that we know of), Tom Brady did a big boy thing by cooking something himself, and he cooked up something that would usually make him and Gisele Bundchen dry heave from the carb-y fatness of it all.
This past Thanksgiving, Trump’s bro boo made his grandma’s biscuits, and he made them again for Christmas. Tom and Giz don’t put any white sugar, dairy and white flour in their mouths, and unless Tom’s grandma was the original GOOP, I’m sure her biscuits are made with white sugar, dairy and white flour. Giz posted an Instagram story of Tom pulling a thing of biscuits out of the oven before slathering them with more butter. The way Giz says, “Oh my god, more butter,” tells me that she’s making a mental note to trash that measuring cup, brush, pan, baking sheet and oven because they’ve all been exposed to fat and carbs!
Get you a man that can do both… pic.twitter.com/v1aUrceGuo
— Only In Boston (@OnlyInBOS) December 25, 2017
And after Tom put those biscuits on the table, he and Giz looked at them for five seconds before he went off to the refrigerator to get the grass-fed grass that they really ate for dinner and she went off to put in an emergency training session with their trainer. I mean, has science ever really proven that you can’t ingest fat and carbs through sight? I think not!