And I am truly sorry for once again causing your corneas to nearly collapse by punching your poor eyeballs with the horrifying sight of Matt Lauer looking like a Hill Have Eyes creature in rockabilly chola drag as Lucy from the Peanuts.
It was inevitable for Matt Lauer to pull down his pants (well, according to the stories, it’s always inevitable for him to do that), spread his cheeks and caca out a carefully worded statement about getting fired from NBC News for allegedly sexually harassing a co-worker. NBC News de-douched Today this week after one colleague went to HR with a detail complaint about Matt Weinstein-ing her. Variety and The New York Times also posted pieces that claimed Matt flashed his dick at female employees, told a co-worker he wanted to use a gifted sex toy on her, sexted interns and assaulted a colleague, which made her pass out. (Matt being the gentlemen he is, got his assistant to take her to see a nurse.) Matt gave an EXCLUSIVO statement to his old job, and Savannah Guthrie read it on Today this morning. Matt is sorry, and since trick is unemployed, his new full-time job is “soul searching.” To which a nation screams, “Bitch, go do some hole searching (not that kind of hole!), meaning find a hole, get in it and never come out.”
When the Fall of Pervs 2017 started to hit the world of TV news and Ryan Seacrest was accused (sort of) and Charlie Rose went down, I waited and waited for the creepy perv curtain to be lifted off of bald pillar of potent smug Matt Lauer. Well, that day has come… and you probably didn’t read anything beyond “was accused” because your vision was blurred by the tears you let out while laugh crying over me saying that sneaky garden gnome Ryan Seacrest is in the world of TV news.
But anyway, NBC News announced today that after getting a detailed sexual harassment complaint from an employee on Monday night, they have fired the seemingly untouchable don of morning TV. Meanwhile, employees at Good Morning America are making a mental note to keep the receipt for the holiday gifts they bought for George Stephanopoulos and Michael Strahan.