David Lynch’s Dune got not-great reviews when it came out in 1984. I have no idea why; it has prime 1980’s hotness Kyle MacLachlan and Sean Young, tons of leather, and Sting in a 3D printed-looking bikini, which basically makes it perfect. And about two years ago we learned that Dune was finally about to get remade by Denis Villeneuve. Today we’re learning that the Dune remake could star Timothée Chalamet.
I’m saying it could star Timmy, because according to Deadline, he’s currently in talks to play Dune’s lead character, Paul Atreides (previously played by Kyle MacLachlan). Deadline says Timothée is in final talks, which means there’s a very good chance you’re about to see Timothée with a tube up his nose, if that’s the direction Denis decides to take this film.
Dune is complicated as all get out, so it’s in Denis’ best interests to have a cutie like Timothée up on the screen to help distract everyone in the audience from thinking “What the hell is this shit all about?” For those who don’t know, Dune is set years in the future where people have created these wormholes allowing them to travel between solar systems. Also they’re really into this drug they call “the spice.” Paul Atreides is an aristocrat with superhuman powers. Additionally, there are literal giant sandworms that live on the drug planet. See what I mean? It’s confusing. But no more confusing than the worms will be when Timothée’s character tries to avoid getting eaten by offering the worms a peach. (Cut to a worm looking uncomfortable) “Uh…yeah, I think I’ll pass.”
Note that I left out the word “mess,” as there’s no question that the messiest part of the red carpet was most likely the three square feet of space occupied by Ryan Seacrest.
If there was an award for red carpet fashion that makes you question a stylist’s sanity, Nicole Kidman would be that category’s Meryl Streep. Nicole arrived in an Armani Prive gown that does double duty. From the waist-up she’s very mascot of a sexy frozen fish company, and from the waist down I’m getting a reminder to please separate my plastic recyclables from my paper.
He looks like if Damien from The Omen got a job at Jiffy Lube. That’s current Hollywood slobber object Timothee Chalamat holding his statue for Best Male Lead for his part as a teenage twink in love with a much older dude in Call Me By Your Name. The Independent Spirit Awards were held yesterday. Variety reports that Jordan Peele’s “white people really ARE evil!” horror/comedy/satire Get Out won for Best Feature and Best Director, and honestly, why is Timothee dressed like a gas station attendant? Surely choosing an outfit for these things isn’t that much of a stressor that you say “eff it” and go with coveralls?
Remember back in the olden days of the internet when a perv or pervs put together a clock counting down to when Britney Spears turned 18 (there was one for Emma Watson too)? Well, Jennifer Lawrence may have one of those for twink moppet of the moment Timothée Chalamet. Team-oh-ray is 22, and while that may be a decrepit, moth-ridden, dusty age for the likes of Bryan Singer, it’s too young for 27-year-old Jennifer Lawrence.
While selling Red Sparrow in an interview with Entertainment Tonight, JLaw made it clear that while watching Call Me By Your Name, she was wishing she had the power to shapeshift into a peach. JLaw wants on that fetus-faced curly Q-Tip, but says she’s going to wait until he’s a little more ripe for the picking, and that’s 8 years according to her.
It would have been a nearly all-black fashion show at the BAFTAs in London last night, in honor of the Time’s Up movement. But the class average was brought down by Duchess Kate (who was prevented from wearing black by royal no-politics protocol), and Frances McDormand (who just didn’t feel like it and showed up in pink-on-black instead).
For mostly everyone else, it was a multitude of black. Or black with a random kick of not-black, like Allison Janney. And by random, I mean a satin choker bolero on top of a Bibhu Mohapatra dress. It looks like a shirt made from the bottom half of Roger the Alien from American Dad that was put on backwards and upside down.
People who just can’t get enough of seeing a curly-topped twink climb on top of a beefy American mountain named Mt. Hammer (I’m talking to you, James Woods) got their lives made when director Luca Guadagnino said a few months ago that he’s hoping Call Me By Your Name will turn into a series of movies like that Before Sunrise shit starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. Luca did a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter where he said that he’s already working on ideas for Call Me By Your Name 2: Electric Peachaloo.