Jordan Peele wrote and directed the superlative horror flick Get Out. SPOILER ALERT- it was a big hit, mostly because it was scary yet intelligent with many layers about how racism is the worst and so are rich and evil mad scientists disguised as awkward liberals. In the movie, the lead Daniel Kaluuya is dating Marnie from Girls and sits down with her hypnotherapist mom, a particularly sinister Catherine Keener, for a session to stop smoking. She takes him to what she refers to as “The Sunken Place” in his head, and eventually everything turns scary and evil. In a related story, D.A.R.E. failure Tiger Woods played golf with Time magazine’s “Most Incorrect Person Of The Year“ – President Donald Trump. This caused Peele to point out that “The Sunken Place” is real and also goes by the name “Trump National Golf Club.” Continue reading
Sometime in the past few days, nude photos of Tiger Woods, Lindsey Vonn, Katharine McPhee, Miley Cyrus, Kristen Stewart, and Stella Maxwell hit the internet. I’m not going to link any of the pics here (I’ll let you make that journey on your own if you’re so inclined). But here’s what you need to know: it was sort of like The Fappening, but this time with sports penis. That penis belongs to Tiger Woods, and TMZ says he’s beyond pissed that someone leaked a picture of his trouser iron onto the internet.
Ever since that time Tiger Woods’ wife beat him like he stole something after discovering his Soul Train line of side pieces, I haven’t looked at him the same way. He’s gone from hot commodity to hot mess in a matter of years. But even his antics make other hot messes tilt their head to the side and say “Damn homie,” especially after his DUI back in May. Yesterday the toxicology report from that arrest was released and it confirms that yes, Tiger was purring and slurring off some damn good pills. But he failed to mention that there was weed in his system as well.
That mug shot of Tiger Woods looking like a half-comatose Homer Simpson after a major donut binge is going to follow him around for the rest of his days, and if someone ever opens up a Mug Shot Hall of Shame Museum, it’s going to get a prime spot there. But apparently, the sweet nectar isn’t what gave Tiger that “Mac and Me on red wine and Ambien” look about him. It was dolls!
And here I thought I was going to take the title of Trick Who Had The Most Pathetic Memorial Day Weekend by passing out in a plastic pool on the front lawn after getting drunk on vodka and Country Time lemonade by myself, but Tiger Woods has me beat. The Dramatic Fall of Tiger Woods just got a new chapter…
— SB Nation (@SBNation) June 18, 2015
Trust me, you don’t have to grab your 10x magnifying glass – that teeny-tiny banner flying behind that itsy-bitsy airplane does in fact say “CHEATER.” Then again, you probably already knew that if you’re the type who gets the warm fuzzies every time you sense that a cheater is about to get theirs.
Earlier this month, a single tear fell from our eyes and the words “It’s beautiful” escaped our lips when someone – NOT STEPHANIE MARCH – flew a banner that said “CHEATER” over alleged cheater Bobby Flay during his Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony. Yesterday, another angel brought that beautiful “CHEATER” banner out of temporary retirement and flew it over the U.S. Open while confirmed cheater Tiger Woods was playing a truly shit game of golf. I’m sure Lindsey Vonn is typing up an “It wasn’t me!” statement as we speak.
Tiger allegedly sniffed around the all-you-can-pound sidepiece buffet while he was with Lindsey, so this could be her doing. But it could also be the work of one of the ladies he maybe cheated on Lindsey with. Maybe Tiger cheated on Lindsey with someone, and then he cheated on that someone with someone else. Then the chick he cheated on Lindsey with found out he was cheating on her. Cheatception!
Regardless of who was responsible for the “CHEATER” banner, one this is for certain: it seriously fucked with his head and made him play like Happy Gilmore during the Pepsi Pro-Am.
What are you DOING Tiger Woods??? https://t.co/YG8taYm4Df
— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) June 18, 2015
“That flying golf club really brings back some memories” said Elin Nordegren.