There’s rich, and then there’s Yoda rich. It’s that time of year again when Forbes pokes the hornet’s nest in Hollywood and drops who has the most zeroes in their checking account. Everyone in the top 10 must be pissed because all of them now have a target on their backs for the next time Lindsay Lohan needs bail money. People may not have liked the latest Star Wars movie, but George Lucas DGAF. That Disney check cleared, and his ass can pave his driveway with cash. The rest of the top 10 is kind of expected with the exception of Kris Jenner’s “self-made” daughter, Kylie Jenner, being a new presence. Barf.
Jordan Peele wrote and directed the superlative horror flick Get Out. SPOILER ALERT- it was a big hit, mostly because it was scary yet intelligent with many layers about how racism is the worst and so are rich and evil mad scientists disguised as awkward liberals. In the movie, the lead Daniel Kaluuya is dating Marnie from Girls and sits down with her hypnotherapist mom, a particularly sinister Catherine Keener, for a session to stop smoking. She takes him to what she refers to as “The Sunken Place” in his head, and eventually everything turns scary and evil. In a related story, D.A.R.E. failure Tiger Woods played golf with Time magazine’s “Most Incorrect Person Of The Year“ – President Donald Trump. This caused Peele to point out that “The Sunken Place” is real and also goes by the name “Trump National Golf Club.” Continue reading
Sometime in the past few days, nude photos of Tiger Woods, Lindsey Vonn, Katharine McPhee, Miley Cyrus, Kristen Stewart, and Stella Maxwell hit the internet. I’m not going to link any of the pics here (I’ll let you make that journey on your own if you’re so inclined). But here’s what you need to know: it was sort of like The Fappening, but this time with sports penis. That penis belongs to Tiger Woods, and TMZ says he’s beyond pissed that someone leaked a picture of his trouser iron onto the internet.
Ever since that time Tiger Woods’ wife beat him like he stole something after discovering his Soul Train line of side pieces, I haven’t looked at him the same way. He’s gone from hot commodity to hot mess in a matter of years. But even his antics make other hot messes tilt their head to the side and say “Damn homie,” especially after his DUI back in May. Yesterday the toxicology report from that arrest was released and it confirms that yes, Tiger was purring and slurring off some damn good pills. But he failed to mention that there was weed in his system as well.
That mug shot of Tiger Woods looking like a half-comatose Homer Simpson after a major donut binge is going to follow him around for the rest of his days, and if someone ever opens up a Mug Shot Hall of Shame Museum, it’s going to get a prime spot there. But apparently, the sweet nectar isn’t what gave Tiger that “Mac and Me on red wine and Ambien” look about him. It was dolls!
And here I thought I was going to take the title of Trick Who Had The Most Pathetic Memorial Day Weekend by passing out in a plastic pool on the front lawn after getting drunk on vodka and Country Time lemonade by myself, but Tiger Woods has me beat. The Dramatic Fall of Tiger Woods just got a new chapter…