Category: Tia Mowry

SoulCycle Smackdown Settled, So Says Tia Mowry

July 27, 2017 / Posted by:

As you may have known, back in 2014, Charlize Theron was allegedly approached by Tia Mowry while they waited to go into the spin torture chamber that is SoulCycle. Charlize allegedly was all, “Sister/Sister is gonna get Blister/Blistered by my knuckles if she don’t get up out my face!” (I’m paraphrasing…or am I?!) The whole thing turned into a competing form of cardio that doesn’t cost $34 a class, as we all raced around trying to see who was going to say what, or who was going to try and get the other blacklisted from hopping on a stationary bike and getting screamed at by a twink to the tune of a sick Reba McEntire remix for an hour.

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Spin Sin: Charlize Theron Gives Her Take On Tia Mowry SoulCycle Spat

July 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Soul Cycle’s biggest bitch fight is usually when everyone takes the light weights and you’re stuck front row with the heavy shit, peddling to a Mandy Moore remix and thinking how you just want to clock Becky the trainer in the face if she tells you to crank the resistance up one more time. Well, in 2014, it turned into K.O. Sister, Sister vs. Atomic Blonde in the tabloids, as Tia Mowry snitched to InTouch that Charlize Theron would have sooner lit herself on fire with that $40 SoulCycle candle than talk to her. Three years later, E! reports Charlize is clapping back and saying that can’t be true, because she’s a damn Girl Scout at spin, thank you very much! Continue reading

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Alicia Keys Went SANS FARDS On The BET Awards Red Carpet

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

During a recent Lenny Letter essay titled Time to Uncover, Alicia Keys wrote about how she was taking a break from makeup because she didn’t “want to cover up anymore.” Alicia is clearly very serious about the whole #nomakeup thing, because last night she sashayed onto the red carpet of the BET Awards in a face covered in nothing.

Alicia is one of the very lucky few who can do #nomakeup and still look like a human person. Her skin/eyes/mouth/eyebrows all look like what they’re supposed to. When I do no makeup, I look like something from a remake of Eraserhead by Harmony Korine. My mouth looks like a Biggest Loser before-and after of an awkward pink slug. My eyes like two puffy slits with creepy little see-through lashes. The two patchy hairlike skidmarks above my eyes that can barely be classified as eyebrows (my eyebrows truly bring shame to the Dlisted family). So, good for you for going without makeup, Alicia. And if she really wants to make it a permanent thing, I would volunteer to take any and all makeup she decides to get rid of. I very clearly need it.

Alicia also carried the low-maintenance theme into her ensemble as well.

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And Here’s Jennifer Aniston’s Exquisitely Beaded Boobs, Bceause Why Not?

November 21, 2014 / Posted by:

I have literally been staring at this picture of Jennifer Aniston with her 45-year-old tits out for about 18 minutes and wondering which I should be more jealous of: that her tits are 1,000x better than mine (“Well, start wearing a bra then, dummy!” – hissed my tits) or that she’s made herself a handy built-in shelf for holding her drinks when her arms get tired. Yeah, you’re right – the second one. I would give anything for a built-in booze holder.

Last night was the Horrible Bosses 2 premiere in Los Angeles, and I know I talked a lot about Jenny’s chichis at the London premiere, but that was NOTHING compared to the bridal boobs bonanza she was serving up last night. Everything about her look is so great, from the “Yeah I just woke up in a casino bathroom” hair to the hand-beaded beauty pageant pearl couture to the Orange Opulence spray tan. She’s beautiful – she’s exactly what I want to look like when I get married; like an upscale mermaid escort.

She also gets points for looking like a slutty cosplay of Kelly and Brenda at the Spring Dance, which is always a classic.

Here’s more of potential future Academy Award-nominated actress Jennifer Aniston working wedding stripper on top and funeral stripper on the bottom at the Horrible Bosses 2 premiere, as well as all the dudes in that movie (smug SNL dude, Arrested Development dude, Charlie from It’s Always Sunny), and for some reason Bai Ling – you know what? She doesn’t need a reason to be there. Bai Ling should be invited to everything.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

The Sister, Sister SoulCycle Saga Continues: Charlize Theron Isn’t Trying To Get Tia Mowry Banned

August 10, 2014 / Posted by:

Even though that’s the kind of ice-cold stare that says “Well, technically I am, but you’ll never know about it until a delivery van pulls up to your house with an old busted stationary bike from the 80s and an envelope taped to the seat containing the cut-up pieces of your SoulCycle membership card and the words ‘This is your cycle now, bitch’ scrawled in Sharpie on a VHS copy of Mighty Joe Young.”

Earlier this week it was reported that some Hollywood actress named Charlize Theron was trying to get WB Legend Tia Mowry banned from her SoulCycle class after Tia told everyone the story about the time Charlize was an Academy Award-winning eye-rolling Grade-A cunt to her. However, E! says that a source close to Charlize (Sean Penn’s talking beef jerky balls) claims the South African earth angel would NEVER, and that the rumor that she’s trying to strong-arm SoulCycle into making one-half of Sister, Sister disappear “is totally fabricated and completely not true.”

The source then added: “Charlize would never deny a nobody who was famous 20 years ago the opportunity to pretend to ride a bike beside one of the greatest living actresses of our time. It’s just not true. Charlize is a humanitarian. Why just last week she bought Cody from Step-by-Step a juice.”

I know that this source claims Charlize is cool with Tia and nobody’s trying to get anybody banned from SoulCycle and bla bla bla, but if I were Tia, I’d be suspicious the next time Rita from Arrested Development waves her over and invites her to take a seat on the bike next to hers. Don’t do it, Tia! There’s probably a bolt missing or the tension is all fucked up! It’s probably best she starts bringing that genius brother of hers along to her SoulCycle classes from now on to inspect all the bikes for Oscar-scented sabotage. If anyone can sniff out a shady bitch, it’s Teddy from Full House!

That Evil Sister, Sister-Hating Witch Charlize Theron Is Trying To Get Tia Mowry Banned From SoulCycle

August 7, 2014 / Posted by:

Two weeks ago, we all learned a new disturbing fact about Charlize Theron: Bitch hates Sister, Sister!

One of the stars of Sister, Sister, Tia Mowry, bravely told esteemed American journal InTouch Weekly about the time that Charlize Theron treated her like piss jelly clinging to an expired urinal cake at SoulCycle. Tia said that she’s always been a huge fan of Charlize Theron and when she saw her at a spin class, she went up to her to say “hi.” Tia claims that Charlize rolled her eyes and said, “Oh God.” I’ve heard stories about Charlize Theron being a potent bitch wrapped in blonde hair, but I never wanted to believe it. But I guess there’s truth to it and sucking the rage juice out of Sean Penn’s dick has really brought the asshole out of her.

At the L.A. premiere of TMNT over the weekend, Tia told E! News that the whole story was blown out of proportion (translation: “Don’t sic your rabid dog on me, Charlize!“). Tia is over it and is done milking it for publicity, but apparently Charlize isn’t over it and is trying to get Tia kicked out of SoulCycle forever! To me, getting kicked out of SoulCycle is like getting kicked out of Hell. It’s a blessing. Someone saying, “You’ve been blacklisted from SoulCycle,” to me is like saying, “I care for you and care for the well-being of your legs and soul.” But to those rich Hollywood whores, SoulCycle is their life! They live and die by the cycle. Overpaying to ride a bike that doesn’t move gives them life.  Getting banned from SoulCycle affects them the same way getting banned from an In-N-Out would affect me. Crazy-brained fucks.

So Tia getting banned from SoulCycle would be devastating to her and Charlize knows this. In a one hundred percent real story from Dish Nation (via ONTD), an “insider” at SoulCycle says that Charlize demanded that Tia be banned and when the managers refused, she threatened to take it to the top.

“Charlize came in so pissed off after Tia went to the tabloids about her, and she demanded we bar Tia from ever coming back. When the manager refused Charlize just got angrier and said she’d go to the top to make it happen,” said an insider at SoulCycle.

“This nobody who was famous for a minute 20 years ago can complain to the tabloids about me but I can’t expect you to protect me from hangers on in your studio?” Theron said, according to employee.

Management said it would handle the situation, but a decision has yet to be made.

A NOBODY?! A NOBODY?! Let’s find out who the “nobody” is between Tia Mowry and Charlize Theron:

Charlize Theron has won an Oscar and has been nominated twice.

Tia Mowry starred in a TV show with Jackée Harry.

Charlize Theron’s movies have grossed hundreds of millions of dollars worldwide.

Tia Mowry starred in a TV show with Jackée Harry.

Charlize Theron bought herself a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and has been on a thousand “Most Sexiest” lists.

Tia Mowry starred in a TV show with Jackée Harry.

Charlize Theron makes millions of dollars from endorsement deals.

Tia Mowry starred in a TV show with Jackée Harry.

Um, you don’t need to pull out a pad of paper and a tiny pencil to calculate the score. It’s obvious that Tia Mowry won this. Tia Mowry owns the throne Theron. Charlize, please have a seat in the back row of the highest balcony.

And when asked for a response, the management at SoulCycle said, “Charlie who? Oh, you mean that Sister, Sister-hating nobody who is now taking spin classes at the 24 Hour Fitness in Panorama City?”

Here’s Tia “Bigger Than Charlize” Mowry at the TMNT premiere.

Pics: Wenn.com

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