There are two things that I love about T.I.. One, that he married Tameka “Tiny” Cottle. And two, that he attempted to defend Tiny by allegedly whooping Floyd Mayweather in a Las Vegas Fatburger. When I saw the news that T.I. had been arrested for acting like a fool under the influence, my mind immediately pictured delicious pieces of cheeseburger shrapnel flying through the air. The reality of the situation is just a tad less exciting, and significantly more annoying for T.I.
No, you’re not having a bout of end-of-week brain narcolepsy; this same post happened exactly four months ago. Back in December, it was revealed that Tameka “Tiny” Cottle had filed papers to end her six-year (sometimes-messy) marriage to T.I., just nine months after the birth of their third child. In March they decided to sleep on the thought of splitting up and they got back together. That didn’t last. E! News says that Tiny served T.I. with divorce papers earlier this week. T.I. responded to the papers by filing an acknowledgement on Monday. T.I. and Tiny have been together since 2002. They have three kids and share four step-children.
For the past five years, T.I. and Tiny have starred on a VH1 reality show about their lives, T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle. He told Harry Connick Jr. (it still feels like a mistake that he has a talk show) on Thursday that he’ll be sad to see the show end, but that he’s “glad to get people out of my business a little bit.” T.I. might not want to be on TV anymore, but I certainly hope Tiny doesn’t feel the same way. Tiny and her gorgeous living statue face need to be on television. Actually, this would be the perfect time for a third season of the tragically cancelled too soon Tiny and Toya! Tiny is single for the first time in sixteen years, and who better to help her navigate the dating scene than her best friend Toya Wright? Tiny and Toya Learn About Tinder, Wednesdays at 8.
So that’s why I got a warm feeling deep down in my soul that the world had just gotten a little more gorgeous this weekend. Yeah, that feeling on my insides was probably my heart tightening from the six Mr. Munchy chocolate bunnies I ate, but I’d rather pretend it was triggered by Tameka “Tiny” Harris-née Cottle passing on her teacup Mariah Carey genes to another little girl.
UsWeekly says that Tiny’s husband and honor-defender of almost 16 years, T.I., announced on Facebook that she had given birth to their third child together/seventh in total on Sunday. Baby Tiny is their first daughter; she joins their two sons, 11-year-old Clifford “King” Joseph Harris III and 7-year-old Major Philant. They have four other children from previous relationships.
According to T.I., the reason Baby Tiny’s birth announcement happened on something as basic and tacky as Facebook was because he was out of town when Tiny gave birth in Georgia, and he wasn’t able to get home before a bunch of blabbermouths (like Tiny’s niece) spilled the new baby news all over social media. Good lord, how next-level RUDE. Don’t they understand that by running their mouths about T.I. and Tiny’s baby, they effectively denied the rest of us of an expertly-lit and airbrushed Instagram birth announcement portrait like the picture above?
Not much else is known about T.I. and Tiny’s third baby together. But because Tiny is, well, tiny, I’m going to assume the baby was so tiny it came out of her Botoxed vagina wearing a red blood cell as a hat and riding a partially-digested Fatburger french fry that got lost in her uterus on its way to her stomach.
They also haven’t announced what their new baby’s name is, but as of right now they’re calling it “#Lucky7″. I’m sure it’s just a place holder until they decide on something more permanent. But honestly, if ~unique~ baby names keep going the way they’ve been going, there is a chance that #Lucky7 might be that baby’s name. I’d actually be 100% supportive of such a name; any baby that shares DNA with one-half of Tiny and Toya is the definition of #Lucky.
When rapper T.I. got into a fist-fight with boxer Floyd Mayweather in Las Vegas on Memorial Day weekend, neither would say why they decided to go all Street Fighter in a Fatburger, but everybody shanked a side-eye over to T.I.’s wife Tiny Harris and assumed that pocket-sized troublemaking muppet had something to do with it. At the time, TMZ speculated that the fight broke out because Tiny had posted a selfie with Floyd’s daughter on Instagram, and that pissed T.I. off. But again, nobody knew why it would piss him off. It was truly a mystery worthy of Jessica Fletcher or Detective La Toya.
Now nearly 2 months later, Floyd Mayweather has come forward to admit that the fight was not, in fact, over the a strawnana shake, as I had previously guessed. TMZ says that during a press conference for an upcoming fight (a legit fight, not a messy drunk brawl in a Fatburger) a reporter shouted out “What about T.I.?”, to which Floyd responded:
“What about the bitch? I was fucking his bitch.”
TINY, NO!!!!…is what I would say if believed that Floyd Mayweather even had the skills to seduce the elegant melted Mariah Carey candle that is Tiny Harris. Tiny ain’t no round-the-way ho like the tricks from Nuttin’ Nyce; Tiny was in Xscape, and Xscape was all kinds of classy. Do you think this bitch sleeps with just anyone? Exactly.
And if T.I. reacts anywhere nearly as strongly as he did the last time someone talked shit about his wife, we’re about 24-hours away from another next-level bonkers Instagram rant, and frankly, I can’t wait. T.I. is the poetic genius who gave us “musty-mouthed syphilis-lipped ugly-ass gremlin baby”, so I look forward to what he has in store to describe Floyd. I’m hoping something like “shit-scooting clap-dripping trash-ass ghoulie fetus”.