Thomas Markle is worried he’ll never see his precious daughter Duchess Meghan again now that she’s been captured by that evil ogre Prince Harry and imprisoned high up in a castle tower. The Royal couple never did make it to Mexico to visit the old man, and now The Mirror reports that Thomas is “heartbroken” and fears that he and Meghan may not “ever be together again”. Cue: your tears. Go! Go! This is you, you’re on! You’re supposed to be blubbering right now. But I guess if you’re a cold, heartless cynic, you might take Thomas sob story with a grain of salt.
The Markle family continues to entertain…. Daddy Thomas Markle was among the members of the now Duchess’ family that were acting crazy before the big day. And by “acting crazy,” I mean “selling her ass out.” Dad seems to have changed his tune. He’s publicly called for the Markles to close their mouths about the wedding and marriage. Dad must have realized that he needs to get it together if he ever wants to make it past the guards at Kensington Palace to see his daughter again.
To recap, Dad made his own grab for the attention spirit stick by flip-flopping about attending and getting paid to stage a corny photoshoot. He even got (elective?) heart surgery which prevented him from going and to keep the spotlight where it belonged – on him! (Prince Tampon walked Meghan down the aisle in his stead.)
TMZ (of course) spoke with Thomas post-ceremony. He expressed regret about “not being able to be there and not being able to hold my daughter’s hand.” More interestingly, he also expressed a wish for his other children to put it on mute.