Category: This Is Not Going To End Well
Kevin Spacey Is Being Investigated For A Third Sexual Assault In London
Aaaaaaand we’re back. After a brief hiatus with some House of Cards on-set racism allegations, we’ve returned to the continuing story already in progress. The one where we discovered that Kevin Spacey was allegedly living his life like a beta test of an app called Gropr. Kevin was already accused of using his position at the Old Vic theater in London to harass and assault numerous men. Scotland Yard has been investigating two complaints against Kevin Spacey, and TMZ says they’ve now got a third.
Say Goodbye To “Live With Kelly” And Hello To “The Ryan Seacrest Show!!! (Featuring Whatshername)”
Since the Demon Goblin of E!, Ryan Seacrest, was given immortality when he sold his soul to Satan many, many years ago, he doesn’t need sleep to function, so he got himself a 666th job. One year after Michael Strahan’s exit from Live caused Kelly Ripa’s belly button peen to throb with rage and scorn, ABC has announced who her new permanent co-host is. I’m not sure when ABC told Kelly Ripa that her new co-host is a trick who’s way more powerful in the game than she is, but when she did find out, I’m sure the ears of many dogs fell off and died from the high-pitched screech she let out.
Lindsay Lohan Is Opening Up A Nightclub In Greece
Lindsay Lohan’s business portfolio is a very full one. She’s tried, and failed, to sell leggings and canned spray tan and phone apps. But none of those truly spoke directly to LiLo’s personal interests like this one does. Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan announced on Instagram that she was opening a nightclub called LOHAN Nightclub. I would have thought that Lindsay would have chosen a catchier name that played off her career as an actress, but I guess there was already a nightclub called Fully Loaded. LOHAN opens tomorrow night in Athens, Greece.
TMZ has a little more information on LOHAN Nightclub. Lindsay is a part-owner with her friend, Greek restaurateur Dennis Papageorgiou. Dennis is technically the owner-owner, but Lindsay gets a sizeable percentage of the profits. A spokesperson for LOHAN tells TMZ that Dennis came up with the idea to open a nightclub back in July around the same time shit went south with Lindsay and her ex-fiancé Egor Tarabasov. Lindsay will make about 2 or 3 appearances at her club each month.
The interior of LOHAN is described as “abandoned factory“, which also kind of sounds like a creative way to describe Lindsay’s present-day IMDB page. There’s also a VIP area and a completely secluded VVIP area. Hmmm, I wonder what happens back there? That’s probably just where Lindsay hosts an ultra-exclusive bi-monthly salon to discuss poetry and politics. Or maybe the completely secluded VVIP area is so secluded because it doubles as a super-secure coat check room that only Lindsay will have access to. “Don’t worry, your coats and everything inside the pockets are totally safe with me. Wink!”
Pics: Instagram
Shia LaBeouf And Mia Goth Got Married By Elvis In Las Vegas And It Was Livestreamed On TMZ
Las Vegas has long been known as the HIGH ART capital of the world, so it’s not a surprise that Summer’s Eve’s favorite artist Shia LaBeouf (sorry, James Franco) would choose it as the place to perform his latest art piece that I’d like to call “This Is Not Going To End Well.” Shia and his on-and-off-again brow-less piece Mia Goth got married by an Elvis impersonator in a ceremony that was livestreamed on TMZ. If Pimp Mama Kris had a heart, it would break by the heavy weight of betrayal from Harvey Levin letting someone other than a Kartrashian be the first fame whore to get married live on TMZ.
The FTC Is Cracking Down On Instagram Product Whoring
Terrible, awful, tragic news for famous people who like to make a little extra cash by shamelessly shilling teeth whitening products, waist trainers, laxative tea, and hair vitamins. According to Bloomberg Businessweek, the Federal Trade Commission will soon start coming for sponsored celebrity social media posts.
Another Round Of Tidal Firings Happened
Good news for those of you who were wondering if Tidal was still the little train wreck that could, I am pleased to confirm that yes, yes it is. While the train has yet to officially ride off the rails and careen full-speed down the ravine, it has once again skipped a couple tracks and caused the conductor (Jay Z,) to no doubt whisper “Shit shit shit” while searching for the kill switch.
Complex says Tidal has fired both their CFO and COO. According to a press release from Tidal (which I picture as being written on the back of a Spotify job application form) CFO Chris Hart and COO Nils Juell were given walking papers because the company decided to move their operations team from Oslo to New York. Chris and Nils won’t be lonely in the Fired From Tidal Club; they’ll be joining the two CEOs and 25 employees that were let go last year. And if Rihanna gets caught Twitter shading the boss’ wife again, she might be next.
No word on who will replace Chris and Nils, but whoever it is might want to pencil in a meeting with the Tidal lawyers for their first day. According to the Jasmine Brand (via Complex), Jay Z and Tidal became the recipients of a $5 million class-action lawsuit on Saturday. Yesh Music and John Emanuele of a band called The American Dollar claim they haven’t received a single royalty check from Tidal, despite streaming 116 of their copyrighted songs.
The lawsuit also alleges that the check-writing team at Tidal are shady bitches who used faulty numbers to make royalty payments and may have stiffed artists by as much as 35%. Shortly after Jay Z invested Tidal, he swore up and down that Tidal would pay every artist, including the non-famous ones, a 75% royalty rate. Shit, maybe Kanye West was telling the truth when he said he was broke?
Here’s the King and Queen of Tidal looking like the house from Up while leaving something called Giggles N’ Hugs with Blue Ivy on Saturday. And no, I can’t with Beyonce’s busted Dorothy Michaels glasses either.
