The Women’s March brought out millions of people and it was inspiring. But I’m sorry, it paled in comparison to the gigantic act of pure feminism that happened when Brandi Glanville declared on live TV that Joanna Krupa’s down-low bits makes cats sing The Meow Mix Song because it smells like 6am at Pike Place Fish Market.
“Hold my Hay-soos staff, hunty, I’m about to read a bitch raw.” – Pope Fran Fran in that picture right before he let Donald Trump have it.
Just when you’re beginning to think that there’s no way this Cirque du SoFuckingWeird of an election could get more bizarre, a beef you never saw coming plops onto the surface of your eyes. Pope Francis held a kiki with reporters on his plane while flying back to Rome from Mexico, and a journalist asked him for his thoughts about Donald Trump wanting to build a wall between the US and our southern neighbor.
Finally! Someone is trying to put an end to the struggles of a stage fright bladder. Most of us dudes have been there. You’re in a crowded bathroom and when you finally get up to the urinal, your dick becomes Little Voice and it cannot perform. The pressure felt from the dudes impatiently waiting behind you mixed with the silence of the bathroom gets to you and nothing comes out. You begin to push so hard that a fart bubble forms in your ass and suddenly you have to hold in a butt burp while trying to pee at the same time. It’s a true test of will! Holding in a fart while trying to piss in a crowded bathroom should be a challenge on Survivor. You finally give up and take your blue ball bladder out of there. Well, a genius inventor wants to put an end to that problem.
Okay, maybe one or two comments. I will say that when InTouch Weekly badly Photoshops lipstick, rouge and a smart scarf from Lord & Taylor onto Bruce Jenner, he gives us “politician’s wife” glamour. Still hotter than any Kartrashian.