Nicole Kidman was all kinds of stiff and frozen at the Oscars last night and I’m not talking about her face. There’s a lot of clapping that happens during the Oscars, but sadly Nicole just couldn’t get the hang of it and it was weird.
It looks like Kanye West will never be invited to a slumber party at the White House, where he and his one-time BFF, Donald Trump, would crank call the Australian PM, toilet paper Nancy Pelosi’s office, take selfies with the nuclear button and color each other’s hair using the imported piss of a Russian hooker. Because Kanye is done with Trump.
The news reported yesterday that thousands of people who were in a coma miraculously woke up and doctors can’t explain it. There’s now an explanation: Kim Kartrashian hit the ho stroll AND she took her first selfie of 2017. We all have a reason to live in this world again!
It looks like those two dudes behind Jenny Slate know something we don’t (and it wouldn’t be hard to know since she’s wearing the color of poop’s natural enemy). But that’s not the case since Jenny’s poop story isn’t a recent one.
Believe it or not, but when Prince Hot Ginge wants a Christmas tree, he doesn’t command his henchmen to gallop deep into the forest, find the most majestic fir tree and evict all of the woodland creatures from it (by order of the ginger prince!) before cutting it down and bringing it back to the palace. PHG shops for a Christmas tree like a regular, because he’s real like that.
When we last left the never-ending boring vanilla saga that is Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck’s separation, he was reportedly itching to officially put his man tits back on the market by divorcing her. Ben probably wanted to divorce Jennifer right away because his mid-life crisis isn’t fully complete until he quickie marries a 19-year-old Instagram model in Las Vegas. Jennifer was supposedly trying to push back their divorce plans and probably because she’s just not ready to do coffee runs in front of the paparazzi by herself just yet.
Yet another “Ben And Jen Reconcile!” headline was born this weekend when the two took their kids to church. They also got coffee together at their favorite place Farmshop in the Brentwood Country Mart this morning.
Something in Farmshop’s half & half ain’t clean about this…
I refuse to believe that there’s two rich and separated Hollywood types out there who have the ability to actually play nice for the sake of anything including their kids and images. Maybe Jennifer has been secretly getting revenge on that (alleged) nanny fucker by spiking his Farmshop coffee with breast enhancing vitamins. That would explain his luscious chichis. Yeah, I’ll go with that. And I bet that Farmshop hopes these two never ever get divorced. It seems like they get coffee there together every damn hour, so the second they divorce and go their separate ways, Farmshop will have to declare bankruptcy.