See, this is what happens when an American commoner is allowed into the British royal family. She
single-handedly single-bunedly rocks the monarchy as we know it with her sloppy hair!
Meghan Markle and Prince Hot Ginge were back at work today in Brixton, where she continued to do her main job: keep the coat industry alive by wearing a coat everyone will buy. Meghan and PHG also visited Reprezent Radio, a station for youngins’ by youngins’. Surprisingly, the main talk isn’t about Meghan’s coat or even her slight British accent, it’s all about her MESSY BUN!
In case you didn’t know that the week leading up to Christmas is usually slower than a coked-up sloth’s cum shot, take a look at that headline again.
The beef of our time started yesterday when 27-year-old Sarah Hyland (she’s the brown-haired daughter on Modern Family who isn’t my style icon Ariel Winter) Crisco’d up her face, put razors in her hair and had a friend hold her bag so she could drag CVS out onto the Twitter yard and fight them. Sarah called CVS out for closing before she could pick up some very important medication. That led to CVS apologizing to Sarah, which led to her accusing them of not caring, which led to them saying that they do care, which led to Sarah posting several videos about the situation. It’s times like these when we should thank Twitter for existing so that celebrities like Sarah can publicly bitch out a corporation for fucking her over and us bloggers can make a long post about it during a slow pre-holiday week. Thank you, Baby Jesus, for giving us Twatter!
Diana Ross is a capital-L legend, and legends like her don’t need to do their own shopping. They should just sit on their nicest velvet chaise and summon their best assistant to retrieve it for them. But Diana Ross does do her own shopping. While looking for a picture of Diana Ross, I found many of her out and about, running her own errands and carrying her own bags I’m still recovering from such a shock to my system). Apparently even wealthy diva legends enjoy a good discount department store bargain hunt.
According to Page Six, Diana Ross was shopping for a gift over the weekend in Los Angeles, which led her to a local Marshalls. At one point during her trip, Diana lost her fanny pack somewhere in the store. A Good Samaritan found it, and rather than keeping it as a souvenir or trying to sell it on eBay as a million-dollar collectable art piece, they turned it in. She was so thankful for her shopping angell (two Ls because they’re double the blessing).
Thank U to the Angell I lost my fanny pack in Marshall’s in LA on Olympic & someone turned it in,What a blessing
— Ms. Ross (@DianaRoss) November 11, 2017
Almost everyone comes out a winner in this story: Diana for getting her precious fanny pack back, the kind soul who returned it and Marshalls for the good publicity. The only loser is the marketing executives at Ross who are no doubt supremely pissed off that Diana wasn’t caught shopping for deals in one of their stores. Do You Know Where Diana Ross Goes To Dress for Less? would have been a great campaign.
But why is Diana Ross still using a fanny pack? I shouldn’t be such a hater. It’s probably so she can keep her hands free while she scoops up $29.99 crystal-look vases with one hand and on-trend jewel-toned sweaters with the other. That’s just smart shopping.
Nicole Kidman was all kinds of stiff and frozen at the Oscars last night and I’m not talking about her face. There’s a lot of clapping that happens during the Oscars, but sadly Nicole just couldn’t get the hang of it and it was weird.
It looks like Kanye West will never be invited to a slumber party at the White House, where he and his one-time BFF, Donald Trump, would crank call the Australian PM, toilet paper Nancy Pelosi’s office, take selfies with the nuclear button and color each other’s hair using the imported piss of a Russian hooker. Because Kanye is done with Trump.
The news reported yesterday that thousands of people who were in a coma miraculously woke up and doctors can’t explain it. There’s now an explanation: Kim Kartrashian hit the ho stroll AND she took her first selfie of 2017. We all have a reason to live in this world again!