Category: The Rock

Vin Diesel Offered A Few New Details About His Feud With The Rock

June 22, 2021 / Posted by:

Don’t worry, Vin Diesel’s not so high on his own fumes that he’s deluded enough to compare himself to Federico Fellini in regards to his methods of pulling exquisitely realized performances out of his Fast And Furious co-stars. In fact, while updating us on his feud with co-star The Rock, Vin explicitly stated that his methods are “not Felliniesque,” but that he would “do anything [he’d] have to do in order to get performances in anything [he’s] producing.” If you want to call that being a “candyass,” as The Rock did, that’s your prerogative. But know this — there’s a method to the madness.

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BREAKING: Prince William Is The Last Living Bald-Headed Man On Earth

March 28, 2021 / Posted by:

Well, looks like I’ll be busy all day writing obits for Stanley Tucci, Mark Strong, The Rock, Morris Chestnut, Jason Statham, Sir Patrick Stewart, Kelly Slater, Shemar Moore, Taye Diggs, Bruce Willis, Billy Zane, Boris Kodjoe, Common, Ed Harris, Michael Chiklis, LL Cool J, Corey Stoll, Danny DeVito, and Homer Simpson. Because it seems like they’re dead. Hell,  if you’re a bald man who is reading this right now, guess what? You’re a ghost! It looks like Prince William is the only bald-headed man alive because some new study claims that he is the World’s Sexiest Bald Man. And no, this “study” was not conducted by the University of Trolling and The April Fools’ Day Gazette.

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The Rock Would Still Consider Running For President If It’s “What The People Wanted”

February 18, 2021 / Posted by:

Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? Well, what do freedom and democracy smell like? That’s right, a giant, greased-up teriyaki meatball. In a recent USA Today interview, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, once again, said he would consider running for President. Yes, of The United States! Hey, we’ve had celebrities in office before, what’s the worst that could happen?

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BREAKING NEWS: The Rock And Tyrese Have “Peaced Up”

December 2, 2020 / Posted by:

That tequila and ham scented tropical breeze you just felt was The Rock exhaling in relief over the end of the years-long feud between himself and his former Fast & Furious cast-mate Tyrese Gibson. According to Page Six, Tyrese says he and The Rock recently spoke on the phone and have squashed the beef, so to speak, betwixt their furious buttocks. Thanks to Tyrese’s magnanimity, The Rock’s been let off the hook and can now go forth and prosper without the dreaded specter of Tyrese’s disappointment lingering over his head. The Rock is finally free! Up next, world peace? It’s almost as if anything is possible now.

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The “Fast & Furious” Franchise Will Wrap Up After Two More Films

October 21, 2020 / Posted by:

Deadline is reporting that the finish line is in sight for the Fast & Furious movies. After 20+ years and a billion pieces of shattered auto glass, the Fast franchise will be going out with a bang. And then another bang. And then an even bigger bang followed by some barely coherent mumbling then a maudlin mid-tempo rap song about the importance of family as the credits roll then a final “BANG!” followed by an epic gag reel for the ages. Mark. My. Words. With the 9th installment in post-production, Universal Pictures announced that there are only two additional Fast movies left on the horizon in which to solve the franchise’s central mystery— Who sharted? Yes, the entire franchise is about diarrhea, what did you think it was about? The cars are metaphors, dummies!

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