About a year ago, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson heavily implied he’d be interested in running for POTUS in 2020. Then a few months ago, he seemingly changed his mind and said 2024 might be more likely. Now, he’s letting everyone know that the 2020 election definitely will not have The Rock on the ticket.
A little less than two months ago, The Rock’s girlfriend Lauren Hashian gave birth to their second daughter Tiana “Tia” Gia Johnson. If I had to guess what kind of help The Rock was being around the house, I might guess he’s been good at crushing Diaper Genie sausages into ultra-compact 2″ diaper discs, or saving a little energy by keeping the baby’s motorized swing in a state of perpetual motion simply by exhaling near it. As it turns out, The Rock is way more helpful than that. Yesterday, The Rock posted a picture on Instagram of himself feeding Lauren a bowl of food while their baby had a meal of her own at Chez Boob. The Rock wrote:
“I’ll handle this business. Mama @laurenhashianofficial has her hands full nursing/feeding Baby Tia, so I’m feedin’ mama her dinner. My pleasure. So much respect to her and all mamas out there holding it down and running things. Just landed and good to get all my girl’s settled in. Now, I gotta go satisfy my own appetite…Iron Paradise, here I come. #EveryoneGetsFed #DaddysGottaGoToWork #ChivalryIsToughOnTheKnees”
If the internet isn’t hissing at a celebrity’s parenting displays on Instagram, then they’re usually applauding. And The Rock’s chivalrous daddy dinner service got him the internet equivalent of a standing ovation. Some may roll their eyes and say that’s literally the least The Rock could do, but not me. We know how The Rock gets around food. He deserves a medal for the restraint he showed by not immediately wolfing it down, fork and all.
Back in the 90s, all Julia Roberts had to do was fart on camera (or just do Mona Lisa Smile…same difference), and a production studio would fork over $20 million. These days, Hollywood is pinching pennies, realizing audiences care more about the CGI than who is starring in a flick. Why pay for Meryl Streep when you can just hire one of those Westworld robots? It doesn’t mean you’re going to see The Rock and other actors in line at the soup kitchen…it just means they’re paid differently (aka back-end deals). Or, if you’re him, you just say you won’t Tweet about the movie you have opening on Friday unless the studio forks over a cool million dollars. Continue reading
Thanks to an unearthed interview from 2014, everyone sent their thoughts and prayers to the poon of DJ Khaled’s wife Nicole Tuck (although, would you want DJ Khaled’s mouth on your poon?) after he said that he doesn’t lick the cooch. Because according to DJ Khaled, men are kings and kings get serviced, they don’t do any servicing. And you know DJ Dick Fart doesn’t do the gentlemanly thing of lifting his FUPA before his wife goes down on him, and you also know that he screams DJ KHAAAAAAAAAALED while she’s doing it.
Evan Rachel Wood, Smash Mouth, and even the dictionary dragged DJ Khaled. The Rock also got into the subject and made it clear that he licks the box like a mic at a WWE match.
There goes all of our hopes of watching Donald Trump crawl under his podium with a case of beta-male insecurity during a televised debate against Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. What was once a possible The Rock 2020 run has now turned into a very possible The Rock 2024.
One of my favorite feuds of the modern era is the beef between teriyaki glazed Hawaiian meatball Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and spicy Sicilian meatball Vin Diesel. It started with a shady whisper of “candy-ass” on Instagram and escalated to a showdown in The Rock’s trailer on the set of The Fate of The Furious. In an interview with Rolling Stone, The Rock confirmed what many had suspected, that he and Vin didn’t actually shoot any scenes together for F8 due to their differing philosophies on candy (The Rock prefers gummy worms, Vin likes a jaw breakers) and asses (bubble and pancake respectively).