We all know the staffers at Buckingham Palace go into cardiac arrest when Duchess Meghan does EVIL and the CRUELEST of things like send emails at dawn and wear dark nail polish, so when she had a star-studded lavish New York City baby shower – something not exactly common in England let alone with the royal family – it was only a matter of time before someone started clucking the tongue about how she really set back the forward-thinking ways of a country that somehow thinks holding onto a royal family is a good idea to spend tax dollars. THE QUEEN’s former spokesperson, Dickie Arbiter, at least had the cajones to go on the record publicly and say he thought the baby shower was over the top.
Duchess Kate officially became a member of the royal family in 2011 after what felt like CENTURIES of her fingers getting callouses on them from holding onto the last step on the ladder while waiting for Prince William to finally put Princess Diana’s ring on it. Duchess Kate fulfilled one of her job requirements by birthing out the future King of England, but for some reason, she’s apparently never done a one-on-one public event with THE QUEEN until today. I was going to say that Kate and THE QUEEN have probably had a few “girls nights” together, but Kate’s idea of a wild night is sipping white wine spritzers while brushing each other’s hair as a PG-13 rom-com plays on the TV, and THE QUEEN would rather do shots with the guards.
Since Prince Hot Ginge is in the mood to split things, he should split these cheeks. And just like that, I earned another ten years on my restraining order.
Last October, the rumors of Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan’s feud with Prince William and Duchess Kate started when we all learned that they were splitting up offices. That filled our head with the image of Meghan and Kate fighting over the last Yoplait in the refrigerator and PHG passively aggressively taping a note that read, “This is not YOUR house. I am not YOUR maid. Clean after yourself!,” onto a cabinet in the break room after Kate and William didn’t wash their dishes. And after months of rumors about things between PHG and Willy being tenser than a bodyguard’s butthole whenever Prince Philip took the wheel, it was reported in February that the split of their households was going to happen very soon. Today is that “very soon,” because THE QUEEN has taken a royal machete to their joint court and split that bitch up.
That Duchess Meghan just can’t help herself. She always has to take the opportunity to shove the fact that she’s doing Prince Hot Ginge full-time into the jealous, unlucky, stupid faces of us PHG-heads. Did she really have to use Commonwealth Day to show us the hat she wears while “playing nurse” with PHG in their bedroom. How cold!
Today is Commonwealth Day, and you might be thinking that’s the day when royals flaunt their wealth in front of the commoners, and you’d be right. But that’s every day. Commonwealth Day is a holiday to celebrate all the traitors to THE QUEEN (aka the former territories of the British Empire). Commonwealth Day services at Westminster Abbey in London today brought out Meghan, PHG, THE QUEEN, and a bunch of other royals nobody really cares about.
Poor Princess Diana can’t even rest for eternity without Duchess Camilla trying to paw one of her pieces. Camilla stepped out for a celebration of Prince Charles being the Prince of Wales for 50 years, but hawk-eyed royal watchers were mainly focused on one of Camilla’s baubles because it looked familiar. The diamond and emerald pendant may be 150 years old and have belonged to Princess Alexandra, but it was passed down to the Queen Mother who, in the 1980s, gave it to Diana…who wore it out to a royal visit to Austria. Dammit, Camilla. Couldn’t you have just scooped something up at Kay Jewelers?? There is ZERO chance anyone would have seen Diana wear something from there!
The Mirror is reporting that Emma Fairweather, the passenger whose arm was busted in a car crash with THE QUEEN‘s husband, Prince Philip, finally got what she wanted: an apology, and she gave it directly to The Mirror, of course. But I guess that’s nice but like… was the apology written on money? Because the only apology I would accept from the Royal Family is spelled: P-A-Y-O-U-T. Continue reading