I hope that Harry Anderson and Barbara Bush like bowing, because they’re going to be doing a lot of that while making their way to the afterworld with a true furry royal jewel (not to be confused with Prince Hot Ginge’s furry royal jewels).
Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle are getting married in a month, and they really should postpone. I’m not just saying that because I don’t want them to get married. I’m not that selfish. I’m also saying that because the royal family and the world needs to devote at least a year to mourning this tragic loss. THE QUEEN’S trustiest advisers, her corgis, are no more. The last of the royal corgis, Willow, was put to sleep at Windsor Castle on Sunday. Corgi-in-waiting Willow was 14.
According to People Queen Elizabeth loves trees. Angelina Jolie also loves trees. No reason why the two shouldn’t hook up and enjoy some trees together. I bet Lizzy’s got some sweet emerald encrusted bongs in her Crown Jewels drawer. Angie will be appearing in an ITV documentary called The Queen’s Green Planet and as I’m typing this I’m realizing my mistake. I think People is referring to actual trees not, you know, “trees”. So much for that fantasy. That was always more Brad’s bag anyway.
The Commonwealth Games, which I take is the Farrah Franklin to the Beyoncé Olympics, are off to a start down in Australia. Because THE QUEEN is not the spring chicken she once was and is too busy on corgi duty, she sends minions to handle her business in far-flung destinations. While those Down Under were probably hoping the youngins would come in place of Grammy, they got stuck with Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla, the latter of whom seemed like she’d rather be at home watching Suits reruns. Continue reading
As we’ve heard throughout the years, the name Camilla Parker Bowles apparently sends THE QUEEN running down the halls of Buckingham Palace with her corgis if she hears her approaching, per a new book. The Daily Mail has another excerpt from Tom Bower’s upcoming biography on Prince Charles, and it sounds like when he wasn’t waging war with Prince William, he was taking it from his mother. Charles is beginning to sound more like the cuckold of Wales!
In my head, meals with the royal family revolve around whatever THE QUEEN is babbling about (depending on where she is in her daily gin progression) along with Duchess Kate and Meghan Markle throwing verbal daggers at each other, largely focused on which one was able to cause J. Crew’s website to crash that day over her respective coat selection. Alas, the real aggression might not be coming from the commoners. It could be from Prince Charles to his son Prince William. Continue reading
THE QUEEN loves to guzzle down the sweet nectar, so I figured that she spent many a night bonding with her ginger grandson by doing shots of the good stuff in between crank calling Camilla and gently putting Prince Philip’s hand in warm water after he passes out on a pile of Corgis in the corner of the throne room. So I always figured that Prince Hot Ginge was the ginger apple of THE QUEEN’s eye, and it was 100% confirmed this morning when her official announcement of consent was released.