So That’s What Hef Saw In These Two

I never understood why Hugh Hefner’s pacemaker skipped two beats for his ex-girlfriends The Shannon Twins. They were so below average on every level to me. I figured he liked the choo choo choo noises they made when they spoon fed him. But after seeing these pictures of them at Playboy’s Super Bowl party this past weekend, I now see what Hef sees. Like me, Hef has a soft spot for Fresno meth hooker hair circa 1987 (aka “chola going to spring formal” hair aka 90s teen mom hair aka Sav-On cashier hair).

This is the kind of hair you get when all you’ve got is a travel-sized bottle of gel and a gas station sink. When your trick gets a little too carried away and sprays the party all over your hair, simply rinse it off in a sink (a garden hose will do too), shake the water out, apply a generous amount of gel and scrunch your way to instant glamour! In just a few minutes, you’ll look just like these two day-shift pussy peddlers.

I should’ve never doubted Hef’s cataract encrusted eye. He knows what’s good.

Here’s the other junkies, tramps and thieves who showed up for the potato buffet at the Playboy Mansion yesterday. They are: Mini-Me, Chuy, The Two Coreys, The New Landers Sisters, Daisy de la Whora, nuns from the Cathedral of Our Lady of Angels and Brittania from Rock of Love Bus.

Stunning. Gorgeous. Ravishing.

Feast your eyeballs on these beautiful creatures. It’s Judy Landers and her magnificent TEEN daughters, Lindsey and Kristy. The holy trinity of glamour showed the peons of Robertson Blvd. what you can do with a little yellow hay, nail glue and a brain-free head.

The three are currently filming a reality show creatively called, “The Twats Landers!” I’m not sure what network it’s with, but it will probably end at the Spice Network or the Disney Channel. One of those.

They are so fucking hot. They look like your Kewpie doll all grown and working as a day-shift stripper at Hip Hugger’s in Kokomo, Indiana.

They Need Better Wigs

Judy Landers’ gorgeous daughters, Kristy and Lindsey, are the epitome of glamour, but they really need to stop wearing cheap Cinderella wigs. I’m pretty intrigued about what’s hiding underneath that $3 lump of polyester. I’m guessing their real hair is made of pure gold and it’s too fragile to deal with the outside elements. That makes sense, because they did come from Judy’s vagina and that shit is made out of diamonds and gold.

And where the hell is their reality show already? My Tivo has been asking me about this mess. Actually, my Tivo has been begging me to stop infecting him with more reality shows starring a bunch of dumb whores. Oh well! Sucks to be him.

Here’s Judy and her stunning daughters working Robertson Blvd. yesterday.