David Hasselhoff Got Married To Hayley Roberts In Italy 

I’d like to think that if you call David Hasselhoff’s phone right now, there’s an outgoing message that says: “Hey baby, don’t hassle The Hoff – but especially not this week, because I’m on my honeymoon with Wife #3!” People says that 66-year-old David Hasselhoff got married to his 38-year-old Welsh model girlfriend Hayley Roberts.

David’s publicist confirmed the two got married in Puglia, Italy yesterday in a small ceremony in front of friends and family, including his two daughters Taylor and Hayley Hasselhoff. David and Hayley (his new wife, not his daughter) have been engaged since 2016 and together since 2011, when she asked for his autograph and he asked for her phone number. Smooth, but I would have figured his pick-up game consisted solely of telling her to jump in his car. David was previously married to Catherine Hickland and his wife of 17 years Pamela Bach.

Taylor and Hayley (his daughter, not his new wife) supported their dad getting married. David has previously told Hello! that his daughters “love Hayley” and that they’re happy for him. I’m happy for them if David chose to write his own vows, then stood at the altar and recited the lyrics to the Baywatch theme.

“Hayley, they say some people stand in the darkness, afraid to step into the light. I’ll be ready. I’ll be ready. Never you fear. No don’t you fear”

And Hayley wouldn’t care, because what doesn’t say love and commitment more than the slow-motion drama of a beach rescue run?

Pic: Wenn.com/FayesVision

The Hoff’s Money Hassles Are A Little Better

Smile, Hoff! Smile! And take all the selfies you want! It’s certainly time to rejoice. Things are on the up and up for a true Hollywood star. The man who had a talking car and brought down the Berlin Wall with just the power of his voice has finally been treated like the treasure he is. A judge has granted him his request to reduce spousal support to his ex-wife, Pamela Bach.

In May, David Hasselhoff’s lawyers filed papers in court asking that a judge reduce the $21k a month he’s been paying Pamela since they split in 2006. The Hoff claimed that he wasn’t raking in money the way he used to and wanted to retire, but couldn’t if he had to continue paying that amount. Pamela shouted “liar” and claimed he’s worth somewhere around $120 million. However, TMZ is reporting that The Hoff and Pamela reached a settlement and he’s now going to fork over $10k a month.

This must have been one messy headache of a fight because in the papers the judge wrote a note saying, “Thank you for the agreement!” I’m not particularly familiar with the legal system, but when a judge writes a note in official documents thanking the parties for letting him get on with his life, you have to assume that shit hit levels even a Hollywood judge couldn’t stomach.

The Hoff’s latest show, Hoff The Record, is enough of a hit over in the UK that there’s been a second season that started in May, so clearly things are looking up for him. Between this gracious judge, Pamela coming to her senses and a hit show, I’d say the only was is up. It’s time for a Hoff comeback and given who’s in the spotlight now, I’d say it couldn’t come sooner.

Pic: Wenn

Don’t Hassle The Hoff For Money Because He Claims He Doesn’t Have Any

The Hoff isn’t exactly eating day old Wonder Bread and government cheese sandwiches on the floor because he can no longer afford cheeseburgers. TMZ says that thanks to that Baywatch, Knight Rider and True Survivor money, The Hoff brings in about $112,000 a month. But living like The Hoff isn’t cheap and he spends around $66,000 a month. That amount doesn’t include taxes, living expenses and the $21,000 a month he pays his ex-wife Pamela Bach. Once The Hoff is done paying everyone, he doesn’t have much money left, so he’s trying to cut off Pamela completely. Pamela is fighting him and wouldn’t you?! It’s either hassle The Hoff for that money, or get an actual job, or downgrade your Mercedes and filet mignon lifestyle to a Kia and Steak-umms lifestyle.

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Nightmares = The Hoff’s Face When He Poses With Lemurs

The lemurs at the Vienna Zoo in Austria will never ever be the same again after this moment. The one on the right is screaming “Ayúdame!!!” with its eyes, because it knows that The Hoff could mistake it for a cheeseburger at any moment. The one on the left has already had a come to Jesus talk with itself and is calm, because it knows its fate. Nothing good happens when The Hoff’s throbbing forehead vein of destruction comes alive.

Pics: Splash

A&E Cancels The Hoff

After just two episodes, A&E has snuffed out The Hoff’s reality show and is scratching that mess off its schedule. To put things into perspective, The Hoff has had relationships with hamburgers that have lasted longer than his show and that’s saying a lot. Zap2It (via SOW) reports that A&E has yet to stamp the show with a giant CANCELED label but they won’t be airing anymore episodes in the future.

The first episode of The Hoff’s show brought in 718,000 viewers and only 505,000 watched the second. For a comparison, some show on A&E called Storage Wars lured in 2 million viewers in its debut episode. I have no idea what Storage Wars is but I’m picturing two old ladies with light purple hair fighting over the last utensil organizer at The Container Store. INTO MY TIVO!

In related news, Das Erste in Germany has announced that they will play The Hasselhoffs’ 2 episodes on a loop, all day, every day until the end of days!

But seriously, The Hoff doesn’t need stupid ass A&E! He has moved on to bigger and better things! Here he is posing with KITT outside of a theater in London where he’s playing Captain Morgan Captain Hook in a musical spectacular that will break box office records (aka a panto production that only drunk children under the age of 8 will enjoy).

Riding On The Hoffway

If you were driving on the 101 freeway in L.A. on Thursday night and noticed a bright spot of lunacy waving from an overpass as though it was trying to command our alien overlords to land on the right target spot, you just witnessed The Hoff in all his drunken crazy glory. It was just The Hoff making sure that you got your daily dose of insanity.

Radar says that for absolutely no reason The Hoff stood on an overpass and waved at the traffic below. Like The Hoff needs a reason to douse the city with his special brand of crazy. Fresh foolery like this is what keeps The Hoff’s crazy tank full.

LeAnn Rimes just so happened to be driving by and Tweeted about seeing The Hoff do the wave. The Hoff hit her back later confirming that it was him on the overpass and not a bloated ostrich with a bad home perm:

@leannrimes It was me on the overpass.. I like to make people’s commute a little more fun! Give my love to Eddie..
10:59 PM Sep 30th via web

Since it’s obvious that The Hoff doesn’t have shit to do all day, the City of Los Angeles should replace their welcome sign with The Hoff doing the welcome wave. And he’ll do it for a tab at BevMo! and a daily cheeseburger in a yellow wrapper.