And one second after Jabba the Trump stuck out his finger to say, “I’m with stupider,” Kanye’s hungry, hungry booty hole latched onto that thing before completely swallowing up that charred dildo in a baggy suit. If only….
TMZ says that Kanye West is back on his meds after allegedly having a mental breakdown, and last night he flew to NYC with his medical team and Pimp Mama Kris’ leased piece Corey Gamble to interview psychiatrists that can help him whenever he’s on the East Coast. Well, the meds are clearly sugar pills provided by Dr. PMK, because this morning, he met with a level 10 attention whore whose throbbing and pus-stuffed ego maaaaaaay be bigger than his. Giving Donald Trump a compliment gives me the wet shits, but I have to slow clap for him for creating a building that’s strong enough to hold in those two Mars-sized egos.
Yes, we all knew this was coming. Brace yourselves for POST after POST about the love child of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West from this and every other blog for the foreseeable future. Excuse me for a second, I have a serious case of the barfs for some reason. Hold it down girlfriend, you don’t want to waste delicious booze on this trash. Swallow HARD, breathe, and… As Michael K told us all early this morning, Kanye told the world that yes the Antichrist baking in
Hell Kim’s oven. In the video above you can see Kanye announcing their joy and our pain to the world.
TMZ says that the announcement came as a complete surprise to Kim, who thought they had planned to keep it a secret until she started showing, and she cried tears of joy as she sat in the audience with
Satan her mom, her BFF, and several of Kanye’s family members. I read that as “Kim cried angry tears that Kanye and his big fat mouth just cost her a huge check from E! for the announcement” and smiled. See? Every cloud has a silver lining, no matter how dark and foreboding.
Kim’s official statement about it is on Celebitchy. She said:
It’s true!! Kanye and I are expecting a baby. We feel so blessed and lucky and wish that in addition to both of our families, his mom and my dad could be here to celebrate this special time with us. Looking forward to great new beginnings in 2013 and to starting a family. Happy New Year!!! Xo
Um Kim, before that new beginning you may want to do an ending, like I don’t know, maybe getting a divorce from your current husband Kris what’s-his-name. Just saying. But that wouldn’t be tacky as fuck, so yeah let’s not expect too much.
TMZ also reports that Kim is getting PAID 6 figures (dontpuke dontpuke dontpuke) to show up for the New Year’s Eve bash at 1 Oak on the Las Vegas strip tonight and she’s not going to let a little case of the babies stand in her way of getting that cash. As much as I would love to go all Judge Judy and slam a gavel down on her face for partaking in the sweet nectar with a brat in her belly, she’s never been known as a drinker so that’s probably not an issue. Can I hammer her anyway, please?? Just once. So anyway, for all of you planning to attend the festivities at 1 Oak tonight, get your seat early since Kim’s double wide trailer ass will take about 100 of them once she shows up.
Oh football, you disappoint us all. There you were – perfectly poised to pop Jennifer Lopez right in her smug face, something most of us can only dream of, and you just let her stop you?? Just like that?? That’s it football, we are FINISHED forever professionally. You disgust me. I hope someone kicked you hard for that.
So JLo and
her son Casper Smart were at something called the Gasolina Celebrity Football Match in Puerto Rico and as much as it pains me to admit it, Jennifer is showing some skill instead of looking like a complete fool. Casper on the other hand can’t help it.
The pictures in the gallery capture truly beautiful moments, such as apocalyptic fart, slow Kojak, and AW MOM. I can’t believe these two are still together. Take notes Demi, the way to keep the way younger man is to make sure he’s a broke ass bitch that can never, ever leave
your AmEx black card you. I would suggest that unlike Jennifer though, you find one worth keeping first.