The Weeknd’s tour is in NYC right now, and after he played Barclays in Brooklyn last night, he and his current pap stroll partner, Selena Gomez, went to a restaurant called Carbone where she delivered rhinestone-embedded demureness and he didn’t even try. The Weeknd wore the outfit that 7 out 10 eighth grade boys in my school and I bet he spent most of the night scrawling anarchy symbols onto a paper bag book cover. Selena, on the other hand, gave us glamour and she looks like she’s about to work the floor of a strip club and ask the men if they’d like a dance. That see-through dress is a champagne room-summoning work of elegance.
A source tells E! News that The Weeknd and Selena acted romantic, or whatever, all night, and that when she walked into the room, the men all paused and neck muscles nearly snapped.
A source dished some details about the couple’s evening and couldn’t help but comment on Gomez’s style, noting that “what she was wearing turned heads when she walked in and out.”
While heads turned in that restaurant, the head of Selena’s ex, Justin Bieber, probably dropped down in sadness. Seeing the nipples of his ex-au pair/wet nurse made him think of happier times when he’d cuddle up to her and chupa on her nip in between getting burped by her. Those were the days.
Because not everyone is an Instagram-scrolling millennial, famous young couples have to let old people (everyone over 30) know they’re officially a thing by showing up together at a huge industry event. Boring twosome Selena Gomez and The Weeknd picked the beige (how fitting) carpet of famous people prom to debut their relationship. And they did it while looking like that always over-compensating couple at said prom. They’re really selling their relationship hard; I bet they spent most of the night testing everyone’s gag reflexes by hanging out in the lobby all night, cooing “I love you” to each other. According to E! News, they actually are that couple.
As much as I’m sure Bella Hadid wishes she could get rid of any and all traces of her ex-boyfriend by clicking “unfollow“, there’s a little thing called “going to work” that recently got in the way. Bella is working Paris Fashion Week right now and sadly for her, The Weeknd is too. And they both worked the same show yesterday. Who could have seen that one coming? Certainly not a company who wanted a little extra publicity, that’s for sure.
This is the second time Bella and The Weeknd had to do a fashion show together after breaking up (they crossed dead-eyed paths at the Victoria’s Secret show in November). But it’s the first since The Weeknd caused a middle school meltdown by dating Selena Gomez. Bella walked in and The Weeknd performed at the H&M spring/summer 2017 show yesterday. Oh my god, they had an awkward run-in at H&M? This situation couldn’t get more middle school dramatic if it tried.
It wasn’t really that awkward until Bella had to walk by The Weeknd with her sister Gigi Hadid. But they all got through it. Such bravery!
I’m sure it was no surprise to Bella that The Weeknd was going to be there performing; they probably know that information weeks in advance. So a huge round of applause to Bella for not freaking out and sending a model-bot to walk in her place. At least I don’t think she did. .
Warning: The following story will make you picture Justin Bieber going down on a girl. Please prepare your gag reflex accordingly.
The Weeknd must have finally gotten sick and tired of Selena Gomez’s jealous ex-boyfriend taking so many swipes at him, because it appears as though he might have finally slapped back. On Sunday night, Justin trolled The Weeknd by joking that Starboy is his favorite song. Justin is probably not laughing at The Weeknd’s latest song. The Weeknd appears on a song released earlier today by Toronto rapper Nav called Some Way in which he sings about getting with someone else’s girl. Around the 1:07 mark, he sings this lyric:
I think your girl, think your girl, fell in love with me
She say my fuck and my tongue game a remedy
TMZ says that fans are taking that as a slap to Justin Bieber.
I don’t want to speculate one way or the other, because this lame war between The Weeknd and Justin Bieber is a lose-lose situation for everybody involved. But I hope for Selena Gomez’s sake that The Weeknd’s lyrics are hypothetical ones. It’s just too depressing to think that she put up with Bieber’s bedroom laziness for as long as she did. If only there was a charitable organization out there called Save-a-Snatch that was dedicated to spreading awareness about sub-par oral skills, Selena might not have suffered so long.
In the real world, when adults see that one of their exes has started dating someone new, they might whisper, “Yeah, good luck with that,” to themselves before continuing to scroll through Instagram. Or they might just shrug, because who even cares. But since Justin Bieber hasn’t matured past middle school, he reacted to the news that his ex is getting railed by someone new a little differently. Shortly after Justin found out that his ex Selena Gomez was getting with The Weeknd, Justin puffed out his little chest and told paps that The Weeknd’s music was “wack.” Almost a month later, Justin is acting like a douchebag spurned again.
We already knew that Justin Bieber had no intention of going to the Grammys on Sunday night. But what did he do instead? He trolled The Weeknd on Instagram Live. Mashable says that it happened while driving around with a friend on Sunday night. Justin’s friend asks him what his favorite song is right now. That little shit-starter jokes that it’s Starboy, then laughs extra hard about it.
I wonder how long it took for Justin and his friend to come up with that sick burn? I bet they spent most of their time trying to decide between that, or having Justin’s friend ask him what part of the week he likes the best. “And then I’ll say the weekend! And then we’ll laugh! Oh my god, we’re so savage.”
Justin really thinks he’s really ripped a hot one there, but the joke’s on him. Starboy totally seems like the song Justin Bieber would play on repeat while watching himself flex his abs in a full-length mirror.
The Italian people had reason to rejoice this week. No, it wasn’t because The Young Pope is confusing the shit out of the silly Americans that are watching it. It was because Starboy-crossed lovers Selena Gomez and The Weeknd visited Italy as a couple. “Taking it international” is always the next item on the “Career-Boosting Contractual Celebrity PR Relationship” checklist. It follows “first, make those tongues wag by getting get papped together in public” and “then get your equally famous exes to whine about it via their publicists.” They appear to have skipped the “wear clothing that celebrates your love together” and “bring a photographer to capture your intimate walk on the beach” parts. Taylor Swift is gonna be pissed that you’re not following her established guide, Selena! Don’t forget that she’s the queen bee in this irritating celebrity relationships hive!