That Dramatic Emergency Meeting At Buckingham Palace Turned Out To Be About Prince Philip’s Retirement From Doing Public Stuff
If you’re like me, then you were probably cursing Twitter every time you got up in the middle of the night to look at your phone to see if Prince Philip died, or if one of THE QUEEN’s Corgis betrayed her by enlisting in Morrissey’s anti-royal brigade, or if Prince Hot Ginge dumped Meghan Markle and declared that he can no longer fight the fact that he’s a ginger gay whose type is skinny fat American dude bloggers with shit for brains.
The Daily Mail was the first to plant the seeds that caused Twitter to instantly grow a field of wild speculation. Before I went to bed last night, they reported that THE QUEEN had summoned her entire household from across the land to a mysterious emergency meeting at Buckingham Palace. Now, I love a good dramatic emergency meeting. It’s very Illuminati-esque. But not one that starts in the morning (London time)! Twitter burped up all kinds of speculation from the French media saying that Prince Philip had died to THE QUEEN announcing that she’s giving up the throne to Prince Hot Ginge announcing his engagement to an ex-blogger/basic cable TV star. Many said that the BBC would make an announcement about the emergency meeting at 8am London time. Apparently, it’s protocol for the BBC to make announcements about royal deaths at 8am. I tried to stay up for the earth-shattering news, but my eyelids wouldn’t let me. Finally at around 2 in the morning (PST), I checked my phone and learned that the big dramatic announcement was 95-year-old Prince Philip deciding that he’s too old to cut ribbons at events. Prince Philip is retiring from doing public events. That was the announcement. Damn that sneaky old coot for fucking with my sleep like that. He’s good.
If this isn’t turning out to be the makings of No More Drama, Part II: So Much Drama…. Mary J. Blige is going through some divorce crappiness with her estranged husband and former manager Kendu Isaacs. Over the weekend, we learned that Kendu allegedly spent $420,000 on his side piece. Kendu claimed it was “travel expenses.” It sounds like he would have had better luck trying to pass it off as “business expenses,” because Page Six claims the woman on the receiving end of all that cash was on Mary’s payroll.
The clap back track everyone was waiting for (and subsequently got bored waiting for, because it was taking too damn long) is finally here. Almost two weeks after Remy Ma lit a metaphorical paper bag filled with dog poop and put it on the door step of Nicki Minaj’s life, Nicki has a response to ShETHER.
It’s no accident that Remy Ma looks like a caricature of a suspicious-looking soap opera star who is being investigated by the police as the prime suspect for a mysterious death. Remy has once again released a brutal diss-track and dragged Nicki Minaj all over social media. Remy has clearly found a vengeance formula that works for her.
Because it’s a day that ends in “day“, Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are still bringing drama to their custody battle. TMZ says that Paula recently filed papers accusing Robin of skullduggery. Thankfully, the latest accusation from Paula has nothing to do with child abuse or visitation sadness. This time it’s all about Robin allegedly trying to work his sleazy game on their DCFS case worker.
And it’s not because Sylvester Stallone was seated across from him and had to look at his janky beard and matching stringy hair situation all night. It’s actually the opposite of that. Sylvester Stallone wanted to sit at same table as Casey Affleck at the Golden Globe awards. In fact, he and his wife Jennifer Flavin were supposed to be seated at a table that included Casey and Matt Damon. But People says that when they went to sit down during the opening number, they noticed there was only one open chair and the story took a dramatic turn.