Prince Williams’ Lawyers Are Trying To Stop The Rumor That He Had An Affair With Duchess Kate’s Best Friend
Hey pathetic commoners, hold on to your fascinator, clutch those pearls, and clench the ruby butt plug! What started as a little royal spat between Duchess Kate and her (former) bff, Rose Hanbury, has morphed into a full blown royal mess that the royal lawyers have to try to clean up.
We all remember the dramatic rumor about how Duchess Meghan, who was just Meghan Markle then, threw a fit over not being able to wear the tiara of her choice on her wedding day. Meghan was apparently such a Bridezilla-approved disaster that THE QUEEN had to pull Prince Hot Ginge to the side and let him know to check his bitch. Yes, those were THE QUEEN’s exact words. The Sun claimed today that because of that little incident and how Duchess Meghan has reportedly been treating the staff, THE QUEEN sent her a Zales charge card application since she’d need to buy her own diamonds now that she’s banned from wearing Princess Diana’s pieces from the Royal Collection. But other sources claim that the British tabloids are just being bitchy liars.
Mayor Rahm Emanuel and the City of Chicago are keeping the foolery, fuckery, and craziness coming by dropping a $130k bill into the lap of Jussie Smollett for all the money that was spent on investigating what they claim was nothing but a shameless hoax for attention. The Cook County State’s Attorney may have dropped all 16 felony charges against Jussie for allegedly staging a hate crime with help from two bodybuilding brothers, but the FBI are investigating why charges were dropped and now the City of Chicago is threatening him with a lawsuit if he doesn’t pay that $130k bill. Well, I guess the City of Chicago has to somehow find a way to replenish their Police Misconduct Payouts fund.
The Crown people need to stop whatever they’re doing and immediately start shooting the current day royal years, because I really want to sit back with a cup of gin on the rocks (in honor of THE QUEEN) and get into the 100% factual scene where Meghan Markle (played by Duchess Meghan) and THE QUEEN (played by Imelda Staunton in older lady drag) tussle over a tiara as a Corgi bites at Meghan’s ankle and Prince Philip referees.
The New York Times of England known as The Sun says that THE QUEEN had to tell Prince Hot Ginge to check his ho (those are the exact words THE QUEEN used) when Meghan got mad about not being able to wear her first choice for a tiara on her wedding day. Who knew that Samantha Markle was the new editor-in-chief of The Sun? Congrats on getting an actual job, Sammy!
The up-the-nose angle is never a good look for anyone, but that’s not the most uncomfortable part of this old picture of Safaree Samuels and Nicki Minaj. Safaree and Nicki dated for about fourteen years, and their break-up was a mess-and-a-half (to say the least). Now Safaree is claiming that things were also messy while they were dating, to the point that Nicki allegedly put him in the hospital and he almost died.
One of Kim Kardashian’s pettier attention-yanking stunts happened back in February when she sent both her friends and enemies her KKW perfume for Valentine’s Day. Kim made a list on some Post-its and Instagrammed who was getting what. On the haters list was Chloe Grace Moretz, which is totally normal, because what 37-year-old woman hasn’t found herself in a public feud with a 21-year-old they’ve never met? Kim’s childish revenge plot clearly didn’t work as well as she thought, because Chloe recently admitted that it didn’t even make it to her house.