I’d say that I’m shocked to learn that things got even more dramatic after Bobbi Kristina Brown’s already very dramatic funeral, but…that would be a lie. And I’m far too bloated from all the cream-covered fruit fermenting in my stomach from yesterday’s National Raspberry Cream Pie Day festivities to be nothing less than totally honest with myself.
A “source” (Bobbi Kristina’s loudmouth aunt Leolah Brown, probably) tells TMZ that Bobby Brown’s wife Alicia Etheredge was rushed to the hospital after suffering a seizure shortly after Bobbi Kristina’s funeral in Atlanta yesterday. Alicia, who gave birth to Bobby’s baby less than a month ago, had just returned to her hotel when it happened. Alicia was taken to the hospital in an ambulance, and she was apparently able to walk when she arrived. TMZ says Bobby B was with her.
Speaking of Aunt Leolah, remember how she had to be escorted out of Bobbi Kristina’s funeral yesterday because she was acting the fool? Well, Bobbi Kristina’s cousin Meeta Brown would like you to know that Leolah Brown is “crazy.” Meeta talked to the paps after Bobbi Kristina’s funeral (you know, as one does) and spilled the T about Aunt Leolah. According to Meeta Brown’s repeated use of the word “crazy“, combined with her constantly rolling eyes and chronic “I can’t with her” face, Aunt Leolah is a mess. She also claimed that the Browns and the Houstons don’t hate each other. Yuh huh. Sure.
But back to Alicia Etheredge. It’s awful that she spent her post-funeral time in the hospital and not back in her hotel room eating snacks from the mini-fridge while watching a Flip or Flop marathon until she felt less sad (aka how I cheer up after a sad day). Especially for something as scary as a seizure. But I guess the silver lining here is that she no longer had to deal with Aunt Leolah. I don’t even know if they were staying in the same hotel, but it doesn’t matter; Aunt Leolah totally sounds like the type to find your room and bang on your door at 3am asking in a whispered yell if you have any extra towels.
Back in April, Lil Wayne (seen above at a party a few years ago with Birdman, which is…awkward) was leaving a show in Atlanta when two white cars pulled up and opened fire on each of his two tour buses. Nobody was hurt during the shootout, but the police were still contacted. About a month later, police arrested a guy named Jimmy Winfrey for going all Bonnie and Clyde on Wayne’s buses. As it turns out, Jimmy used to be the road manager for rapper Young Thug. Fun Fact: Young Thug and Lil Wayne hate each other.
For those of you who have ever read a story about Tyga and his not-yet-legal teenage girlfriend Kylie Jenner and thought to your disgusting self, “I really wish I knew what this guy’s dick looks like,” it’s your lucky day.
According to B. Scott, Kylie Jenner’s 25-year-old boyfriend has allegedly been offering up his dick to a 29-year-old transgender actress and model named Mia Isabella. At least he’s cheating on Kylie with someone who is legally old enough for him, right? According to a “source” (nice to meet you, Mia Isabella!), Tyga has been seeing Mia Isabella for 3 years now. The source alleges they got together shortly after Tyga called it quits with Blac Chyna, and they might have a sex tape together. The source claims they’ve made plans as recently as a few weeks ago to see each other.
Naturally, Tyga and Mia Isabella have a plan if anyone ever catches them together. They claim that she’s a “fashion stylist” and they have a business relationship. And I’m sure Kylie would believe him if he told her he’s spending all his extra time and money on a stylist since “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap” is practically the Kardashian family motto.
Okay, on to the subject of Tyga’s dick. The same source who squealed to B. Scott about Tyga’s alleged affair with Mia Isabella provided screen shots of text messages between the two as proof. Two of the screen shots are, you guessed it, pictures of Tyga’s dick. The NSFW pics are after the jump.
The most traumatic Uber experience I suffered through (Yes, I “suffered!”) was the time the driver played an Imagine Dragons song over and over again and sang along the entire time. Courtney Love’s most traumatic Uber experience happened today in Paris. Not only was it her scariest Uber experience, but it was the “scariest” experience of her life! She must’ve forgot about the times she saved a dying Kelly Osbourne’s life, looked at herself in the mirror while done up like this, etc…
Taxi drivers are currently protesting against Uber in France and Courtney found herself in the middle of it. In a series of posts on Instagram and Twitter, Courtney said that she was in an Uber coming from the airport when protesters surrounded the car and took her hostage for two hours. They hit the Uber she was in, as well as other Ubers, with metal bats and lit tires on fire.
Because OF COURSE they are! I’m going to be 92 years old and still reading shit like “Guess who got into a messy screaming match during a shuffleboard game last night?” So, remember that time a few weeks ago when Chris Brown followed his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran to a club, crawled into her car, and showed up to her house at 3:30am screaming? Well, they’re still not done fighting about that.
According to E!, it all started right after Chris Brown heard about a recent interview Karrueche did with Access Hollywood, in which she discussed the status of their relationship. Chris responded to it the only way he knows how: by dragging her on Instagram.
Yesterday, Nicki Minaj’s ex-boyfriend Safaree Samuels (aka the guy wearing my 83-year-old neighbor’s favorite Friday night bingo jacket in the picture above) released a song called “Love The Most“, and surprise surprise, it was filled with plenty of poo-scented air kisses aimed at his former girlfriend. Safaree came hard for Nicki; he accused her of treating him like shit, cheating on him, refusing to get knocked up with a little Safaree Jr., and getting engaged to Meek Mill so quickly after they broke up. In the event that you really want to listen to Safaree crying about how Nicki Minaj did him dirty, you can listen to it here.
Nicki could have responded to Safaree’s dramatics by borrowing from Rihanna by miming a bored wave, but the NY Daily News says she decided to drag him on Twitter. The tweets, half of which have since been deleted, say pretty much exactly what you think they’d say – that she’s fucking over it. Oh, and also that she hasn’t quit her engagement to Meek Mill, so you don’t have to return that toaster you bought her as a wedding present.
I hope Bobby Flay isn’t getting too attached to his title of Messiest Public Divorce, because he might soon have to hand it over to WNBA players Glory Johnson and Brittney Griner. Take a look at that picture of Glory and Brittney on their wedding day back in May, because it’s going to come in very handy for when you say “Well, that escalated quickly” later.
Things started out OK. Brittney asked Glory to marry her back in August, and in January, they appeared on Say Yes To The Dress. Then it began to get all sorts of bad for Brittney and Glory a few weeks before their wedding. On April 22nd, Brittney and Glory got into a brawl at their home in Arizona that ended with both of them getting arrested for domestic violence. Brittney plead guilty to disorderly conduct and was ordered to complete a 26 week domestic violence counseling program (Glory’s case is still pending). Then two weeks later, Brittney and Glory were like “Fight? What fight?” and got married at the delicious-sounding Tapatio Cliffs Resort Phoenix on May 8th.
Then on June 4th, Glory announced that will be taking this season off because she’s knocked-up with a baby. Which is great, right? Not exactly. The day after Glory announced she’s got a tiny basketball in her net (I don’t know what that means), TMZ says Brittney filed for an annulment on their 28-day marriage. Brittney is claiming the marriage was based on “fraud and duress“, adding that Glory “pressured” her into marriage with “threatening statements.” Brittney also pulled a Sherri Shepherd by claiming she has no biological connection to the baby living in Glory’s womb.
Glory has responded to all this by posting (then deleting) an inspirational quote about “unperfect people” on Instragram. Maybe that’s part of the fraud Brittney was talking about? “Your honor, I was lead to believe I was marrying someone who didn’t use made-up words like unperfect.”
According to TMZ, Chris Brown spent most of last night proving he’s still as awful as ever by getting into a loud screaming match with his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran outside her house at 3am. Yeah, someone should inform Chris Brown that that’s not typically how you win someone back.
The tragic tale of unrequited douche love began last night when Chris Brown decided to show up to a club he knew Karreuche would be at in his new Lamborghini. He then got a VIP table next to hers, something she wasn’t having, so she decided to leave. That’s when Chris Brown decided to follow her and her friends outside and get into their car, abandoning his Lamborghini. “Uh…he only pulls that shit with cars, right?” thought the mother of Chris Brown’s baby. You can see Chris sort of push his way in and hear someone tell him to “Get out of the car” around the 0:54 mark below.
Sadly, he didn’t get very far; “sources” say Karrueche was pissed off at him and dumped his ass at a friend’s house on the way home. Then around 3:30am, Karrueche had a Say Anything moment when she heard some noise outside her house and saw Chris Brown standing there. Except instead of holding a boombox playing “In Your Eyes“, he was screaming like a raged-up maniac and slamming his fists against her door.
Karrueche wouldn’t let Chris Brown inside, and eventually the police showed up. But they didn’t charge Chris Brown with anything, because he hadn’t really committed a crime. Once they left, Karrueche agreed to meet Chris at a diner so they could talk. Naturally, the screaming kept on going at the diner, so Karrueche left and went home.
There’s so much of this story that is a damn MESS, but the messiest part to me is what happened in the diner. Chris did that diner dirty. A 24-hour diner is a place for stuffing as many eggs and toasts and syrup-soaked pancakes into your mouth as possible in an attempt to prevent the next-level hangover you’re going to get the next day, not for screaming at your ex. RUDE!
Here’s Chris following Karrueche out of the club last night. I will say this: I am feeling Karrueche’s Guns N’ Roses out-of-town groupie couture.
Welcome to round 4,239 of the never-ending high school lunchroom fight between 4-time self-appointed prom queen Taylor Swift, her former BFF and current wannabe parking lot bad girl Katy Perry, and the sleazy dude who should have graduated years ago but still continues to hang around the halls asking every girl who walks by “Wassup?” John Mayer. I know, it’s been entirely too long since the last one.
According to Heat (via Hollywood Life), John Mayer is helping Katy Perry write a song about their mutual enemy Taylor Swift in an attempt to get back at her for writing one about Katy. A “friend” of Katy’s – who I’ll pretend confessed all of this in the 2nd floor girls bathroom while taking a long drag off a cigarette she yanked from her mother’s purse – says:
“Katy thinks revenge is a dish best served cold. She’s even more determined to show people what she calls ‘the real Taylor’, she’s writing some big, anthemic-type songs that’ll feature dirt on Taylor that John’s told her from when they used to date.”
They went on to add that Katy is still mad that she didn’t get to go to the Billboard Music Awards and it’s all Tay Tay’s fault. Apparently John Mayer convinced her that shit might get awkward with living beige Crayola crayon and her fan club, so she skipped it.
Even though I’m sure Katy Perry and John Mayer have better things to do than write a mean girl diss track about Tay Tay (subtle suggestion), I can’t help but wonder what it would be like. Since Katy Perry is violently allergic to subtlety, I’m going to assume it will be called “Tay-LIAR“, and the video will feature Katy Perry getting into a slap fight with a broom stick in a t-shirt that says I HEART CATS with a vintage purse stapled to it while John Mayer cheers her on.
Speaking of Katy Perry’s nemesis, here’s Tay Tay doing her daily fashion show walk for the paps earlier today:
I really wanted to Photoshop Bobby Flay and Stephanie March onto a Kramer vs. Kramer poster with a picture of their horse in the middle, but I decided against it because I’m sure that horse wants nothing to do with this nonsense. Just when you think Bobby Flay and Stephanie March’s prenup drama couldn’t get any more fucky (see: that time Bobby brought Stephanie’s fake boobies into it), TMZ says they’re now fighting over a racehorse. A racehorse! How terribly rich of them. What’s next, a custody battle over the automatic caviar dispenser?
The reason they’ve dragged the horse into their messy divorce is this: Stephanie claims Bobby gave her a racehorse back in 2009 for their 4th anniversary. The horse, Dad’s Crazy (who is no doubt considering changing his name to Mom and Dad is Crazy as we speak), was good at being a racehorse and had won about $130,000 during his horse racing career. Eventually, Bobby decided to sell Dad’s Crazy for $60,000. Stephanie says she’s never seen any of Dad’s Crazy’s $130,000 winnings, nor a dime from the $60,000 sale, and she wants the money from her horsie, dammit!
Bobby says yes, the horse was registered in Stephanie’s name, but that’s it. He also claims he doesn’t have any of the $190,000 Dad’s Crazy made. Uh huh, sure. Someone better go check Alfred E. Neuman’s house to see if he’s holding 190 Fage-smeared stacks for his shady second cousin.
I know Stephanie is hungry for Bobby’s Food Network chef cash, but it’s getting pretty obvious that Guy Fieri has a better chance of cooking something edible than Bobby wrapping up a couple million and handing it over to his soon-to-be ex-wife. If Stephanie was smart, she’d take a cue from Law & Order and yank a #getmoneybitch story straight from the headlines. For example: we’re all familiar with the “I spilled hot coffee on myself, now give me a million dollars please” con, right? All Stephanie has to do is walk into one of Bobby’s restaurants, claim she burnt her mouth on a scalding hot chorizo, and threaten to sue his ass for $12 million in mouth damages. There, problem solved!