Tragic newly single mom and crypt message poster Khloé Kardashian‘s recent romantic woes have supposedly made her a contender for The Bachelorette. At least that’s what The Bachelor/ette franchise creator Mike Fleiss wants you to believe. Fleiss obviously hasn’t considered the many reasons why Khloe, 34, could never be the next Bachelorette. One is that, upon hearing the news, every rose (including the plastic ones) on the planet said “fuck that noise” and shriveled into nothingness. So both series are canceled now because roses don’t exist anymore. Thanks for that, Khloé (no shade).
If you’re into home repair, brunettes, and thick Canadian accents, Drew and Jonathan Scott (Jonathan’s on the left in what appears to be some kind of goth camo tuxedo) are probably hot to you. Drew and Jonathan are suitable hunks for HGTV, but what about primetime? Well, Drew appeared on the 25th season of Dancing with the Stars, and now we’re learning that Jonathan has been courted not once, but possibly four times for The Bachelor.
If you’re one of the unlucky people who are trapped in the seemingly cult leader-like trance of The Bachelor (your family missed and loves you!), then you know that last night’s 22nd season finale was messier than the shelf of urine sample cups after a round of contestant testing. The bachelor, Arie Luyendyk Jr., had two women left: Becca Kufrin and Lauren Burnham. Like fucking every bachelor on The Bachelor ever, he claimed to be in love with both of them and that it was a very “tough decision.”
As it turns out, the toughest part about that decision was making it and then telling everyone involved he wanted a do-over. Arie chose to propose to Becca Kufrin in Peru. Then when they get back to Los Angeles a few months later, Arie surprises Becca with a camera crew and the news that he’s cancelling their engagement, and that he’ll be hooking up with Lauren now. And now a former Bachelor contestant is claiming that’s not nearly the sleaziest thing Arie has been up to.
There’s a new book coming out soon called Bachelor Nation: Inside the World of America’s Favorite Guilty Pleasure in which it is revealed that the number one killer of a Bachelor bunny dreams is a case of the herp. The New York Post reports that the most common reason a lady gets booted off the cast list is coming up positive for an STD during the required medical exam. Sorry ladies, that infectious smile of yours just isn’t gonna cut it.
Last month, January Jones was rumored to be dating former bachelor from The Bachelor Nick Viall (aka the one that looks like someone threw Ryan Reynolds in the dryer). January was a big Bachelor fan, who apparently took her obsession one step too far, and she and Nick had reportedly been seeing each other for about two months. Either January realized how embarrassing it was to be dating one of the discount bin Bachelors, or someone was exaggerating that rumor. Because she denied it.
Bekah Martinez is currently on the new season of The Bachelor, and you would think that getting cast on the show’s current season would be something you’d let your family know about, right? You know – so they can watch you fight over a douche before a national audience and note to each other how high-def TV really highlights your overbite? Well, this part of her TV experience slipped Bekah’s mind, so she neglected to tell her mom she was going on the show. And her mom filed a missing persons report. Overprotective mother or some serious familial estrangement? Let’s find out! Continue reading