While Jay Z is reportedly busy working on a reponse to Lemonade (working title: Lemonade Stand By Your Woman If She’ll Still Let You), the first alleged Becky may have written some emails about Bey-Z that will be released soon. Except it won’t be on purpose, and it will probably make this situation even messier.
According to The Sun (via Page Six), Rachel Roy is sweating a little more than usual today. A source claims that Rachel has recently informed her friends that a whole bunch of private information has been stolen from a file on her computer. Some of that information includes emails that she’s afraid may get her a whole lot of unwanted attention if they get out. No word on how they were stolen or by whom or if several CCT security cameras have recently caught a woman in a yellow coffee filter dress and a ski mask slinking around Rachel Roy’s building.
The source doesn’t get into what’s in those emails that could possibly make so much trouble for Rachel. Rachel has already denied that she ever did anything with Bey’s husband, so it can’t be dirty emails from firstname.lastname@example.org, right? Maybe she’s freaking out because some of those emails are between her and someone else’s husband? Or maybe those emails contain information far more humiliating and shameful, like a whole bunch of emails informing her that no one has accepted her LinkedIn invitations yet.
Regardless of what kind of incriminating evidence is in those emails, Rachel might want to grab a few extra epi-pens or whatever you use to treat bee stings. If I know The Beyhive, it doesn’t take much to set them off. “This email is addressed to a Jayden Zander. Jayden Zander is totally an alias for Jay Z! DEFEND THE QUEEN!”
We’ll get to that “Showgirls meets SilverHawks” dress mess in a second. First we need to talk about the person wearing it, and how she once again attempted to just-so-subtly get some attention courtesy of Beyonce. As you may remember, the Who’s On First of people, Rita Ora, practically dislocated both her shoulders after throwing up her arms and waving “Over here! I’m not Becky with the good hair!” last week. Well, surprise surprise, she did it again at the Met Gala last night. Several times, actually.
(Side note: Becky #1 will forever have the better hair. Becky #2 wishes she had 80s mom hair.)
Three seconds after master troller Beyonce sang out a blind item in the form of the lyric “Becky with the good hair” from the future Emmy winner Lemonade, everyone and their hairstylist started spitting out guesses and a million memes were born. First, Rachel Roy (not Rachael Ray) seemed to out herself as BWTGH, and then Rita Ora decided to scratch at her attention spot by trying to get everyone to think she’s BWTGH. After they both got the attention they wanted, they denied being BWTGH. A source tells Page Six that Jay Z’s dick has been on more side tricks with good hair than Pantene has and the “BWTGH” in Beyonce’s song Sorry is a composite of all of them. But wait! Beyonce’s daddy (the same daddy who gets calls out in Lemonade and has dipped his untrue peen in plenty of BWTGHs, probably) is here to open up your mind and jerk some wisdom into it.