Empire’s spring premiere episode aired last night, and earlier in the day, TMZ coincidentally burped up a story about how guest star Nia Long and Taraji P. Henson got along about as well as Terrence Howard gets along with an asshole that hasn’t been freshly touched by a baby wipe. Today, TMZ has burped up more details about Nia’s alleged rampage on the Empire set, and E! News has also joined in on the foolery with info of their own. This is giving me shades of Dynasty gossip, but I’m not sure who’s the Krystle and who’s the Alexis? What am I saying? Taraji is the Alexis, Dominique, Sable and Krystle. Nia is one of the party extras.
Matt LeBlanc getting moist in the tip while letting Emilia Clarke know that he can’t wait to see her naked in Game of Thrones wasn’t the only awkward moment during E!’s Emmys red carpet show. The Diane Sawyer of ants, Giuliana Rancic, talked to rectal rash Terrence Howard and his ex-third wife turned current piece Mira Pak. Giuliana should’ve taken one look at Baby Wipes’ outfit and asked him how his part-time job as a singer in a Mad Men-themed quartet is going, but she instead asked him about playing a violent trash bag on Empire.
Hygiene is super important. We’re taught that from a very young age. And we all know just how much hygiene means to Empire star and noted wife beating crazy assgash, Terrence Howard. Terrence is the king of baby wipes so it’s always a bit surprising that someone with such a rabid love of clean asses can have such a messy culo of a life. Adding even more mess will be another butt that will actually need baby wiping. Terrence will be a father for the fifth time.
E! reports that Terrence was on the red carpet for an Empire event in LA on Friday with his on-again-off-again third wife, Mira Pak, and she showed up with a baby bump that hadn’t been introduced to the media yet. Terrence and Mira have a kid together already, Qirin Love Howard, who is about a year old and their marriage has been predictably Terrence-esque. They married in 2013 after about a month of knowing each other, then got divorced shortly after Qirin was born but were still seen together and he called her the love of his life and now there’s another baby. Jesus. He said he took the role of Lucious on Empire because everyone already thinks he’s a grade A asshole, but his love life is at epic proportions of night time soap too.
The last time Terrence and Mira had a baby he introduced us to breast cheese, so I’m sure we’ll get plenty more gorgeous tid bits as the baby mania increases. I told you, spring bring us nothing but allergies and baby news. Questionable parent baby news.
And here’s more of the happy couple and the rest of the Empire cast:
Since Goopy Paltrow is the real White Oprah (sorry, Dina Lohan, but you’re more like the Trashy Robin Byrd), she steam queefed out one of her own Favorite Things list called The Ridiculous (But Awesome) Gifts list. Nearly everything on the list is ridiculous. She got that part right. The list is supposed to come off as tongue-in-cheek, but you know Goopy buys this shit for real.
Sean Penn has proven time and time again that he has the temper of a hungover demon with a herpes flare-up and we’ve all heard that story about he allegedly tied Madonna to a chair and beat her in a drunken rage while they were married. But if you dare call Sean Penn a violent woman beater, he’ll beat you in the head with a $10 million defamation lawsuit.
So, Cookie and Lucious presented the award for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series or Movie last night, and for those of you wondering if Terrence Howard is actually as bonkers as that recent Rolling Stone article made him out to be, the answer is: yes, very. Watching Terrence and Taraji P. Henson presenting that award together was like watching your sister’s new boyfriend try to explain how pumpkin pie was created back in the 1950s as a mind control device at Thanksgiving dinner, and no one is brave enough to go “Chill out, just eat the pie” because you’re all afraid it will trigger a 10 minute long diatribe about government surveillance.
Well, Terrence didn’t get that crazy, but he did make shit weird. The weirdness started when he walked down the red carpet with his ex-wife Mira Pak. Then it continued on stage, when Terrence corrected Taraji when she fucked up the pronunciation of “musician” and rambled on about how Taraji has the ability to “steal the scenes or the words right out of your mind, sometimes out of your mouth too.” Then he made everyone nervously shift in their seat by stopping the show to press his nonsense hole against Taraji’s face.
Oooooh, THAT FACE! Here, let’s get a closer look.
It’s times like these that I wish people’s thoughts were mic’d, because I’d do anything to know what Taraji’s brain was thinking at that moment. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s totally wondering how many bones she’d break if she lept off stage and away from the 8 layers of awkward between her and Terrence Howard’s crazy ass.
But because I don’t want to leave you with the mental image of Terrence Howard working his smooth baby wipes game on his co-star, here’s Taraji serving up face for days on the red carpet last night.